Birth Mother Blog

Adoption Guilt: Will I Feel Guilty Placing My Newborn for Adoption?

By Kelly Paczkowski

Adoption has grown in popularity as a great way to grow a family. This entails a birthmother, for whatever her reasons, needing to come up with an adoption plan. You may not be in a place in your life to raise a child, and that is okay. Even if you have already decided to place your newborn up for adoption or have decided that it is not right for you, adoption representatives will be glad to answer your questions. They can guide you through the process and even help you find services that you might need.  While we cannot answer the above question for everyone, the answer, for the majority, is yes. There may be feelings of guilt when placing a baby for adoption. You may feel guilty for having fun with your friends or buying yourself something you deserve. You may ask yourself, “Why should I be having fun when I choose to place my baby for adoption?” At  Adoption Choices of Missouri, we help you understand that because you chose adoption does not mean you don’t deserve to feel happy or feel adoption guilt.

Coming Up With An Adoption Plan

Your act was the most courageous thing to do. Placing your baby’s needs over your own is brave. While that should be the case, many birthmothers cannot help but feel this way. Even though placing a baby up for adoption is one of the most selfless things you can do, there are still a lot of negative thoughts surrounding birth mothers giving their baby up for adoption. However, it is not so much about giving up as it gives them a chance at life. 

Find Adoption and Birth Mother Support

Make sure you can surround yourself with those who love you. There are many feelings associated when dealing with an unplanned pregnancy. Many women feel overwhelmed, scared, lonely, and even guilty. They may try to deny the feelings of loss or grief they may have. Many birthmothers might not contemplate what happens after the adoption is final and most likely do not understand how they feel. You may still be in need of finding housing or support services.

Of course, every situation is different, and every person is different. Your adoption plan may not be the same as other people’s. That is where adoption agencies near you are a great place to start asking questions. They can even connect you to other birthmothers and support groups.  

Practice Kindness During Your Adoption Journey

The most important thing is to remember to be kind to yourself. Adoption, by far, is not the easy option or the easy way out, as many people believe. It is a complicated process, and you must allow yourself to heal. By healing, we mean not just physically but emotionally. You will have feelings that will last for a long time. But with time comes healing and the ability to feel better about the process every day. Some birthmothers experience some relief once they have chosen an adoptive family for placement of their child. Knowing that their child will be well taken care of and brought up in a family with love.  

Our Counselors Can Help You Cope With Your Adoption Guilt

Along with all the joy in the adoption process, there can also be a lot of pain. Expressing your feelings can help you finally release some of the grief, guilt, and doubt you may have felt during the journey. Your mental well-being plays a big part in that. Doing things that you enjoy doing can help you to be able to get past the hurt.

  • Writing in a journal is a great way to express those bottled up emotions
  • Try drawing or painting 
  • Confiding in a person you trust
  • Talking with your Adoption Counselor

Of course, we know that you will continue to experience emotions throughout your life, but that does not mean you will never accept your choice. You can be assured you made the best possible decision for you and your child. Your child will grow up with love and support from a family that you were able to pick. You will eventually be able to come to terms and find peace. That is where Adoption Choices of Missouri can help. Our experienced adoption specialists can be with you every step through the adoption process. From beginning to end, we are there for whatever you may need. 

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond. Please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll-free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri, call or text us at 816-527-9800