Birth Mother Blog Putting baby up for adoption

Will I Feel Guilty if I Place My Baby For Adoption?

By Janae Pabon

Placing your baby for adoption can be really hard to cope with the wide array of emotions that may arise while making the decision, during the adoption process, and post-adoption. Private adoption agencies like us are here to support you throughout this process and to reassure you that what you’re experiencing is normal. Whatever feelings of guilt that you encounter now will eventually subside, and it will become easier to accept these feelings.

Why Do I Feel Guilty For Placing My Baby For Adoption?

It is normal to experience many emotions during the adoption process. One of the most common negative emotions birth mothers feel is guilt. Guilt arises from the fact that you may feel like you are “giving your baby up” or that you are a bad mother. You may also feel like a bad person if you feel conflicted about what to do yet still choose adoption. 

We want you to know that you are not a bad mother, and you have nothing to feel guilty about. An expected pregnancy puts any woman in a difficult situation, and you cannot control the circumstances that make you unable to parent. By choosing adoption, you are making the best decision for your baby. You know that since you cannot parent, adoption will allow them a better life. Because of this, you are putting your baby first like a good mother. 

What Other Emotions Are Normal to Feel During the Adoption Process?

Some other emotions you may be experiencing are sadness, fear, regret, and denial. These are completely normal emotions, as this situation would cause emotional turmoil for any woman. 

You may feel sadness because you are choosing a life without your baby. You may also feel sadness after giving birth to the baby and connecting with them, knowing you are not going to bring them home. Even when you have made the right decision in choosing adoption, it is normal to feel like this.

The feeling of regret may also arise after finalizing the adoption or after first seeing your baby. As we mentioned above, this connection with your baby is natural. Therefore, being worried that you made the wrong decision is common. Adoption is a very complicated and difficult choice, so you may feel unsure about your decision.

Denial may also come as a psychological side effect of the process because you carried the baby to term, yet you aren’t bringing them home. Emotions such as these and more come naturally when making an irreversible decision, so know that you’re not alone. Over time, it will get easier. This is why we offer counseling to you – to help you process these completely normal emotions in as healthy a way as possible.

How to Cope With Adoption Guilt

All adoption agencies in Missouri are equipped to help you cope with emotions like these. At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we offer counseling to all birth mothers who are struggling emotionally when placing their baby for adoption. These services are offered during the adoption process and after the birth. You don’t have to go through your Missouri adoption alone, and talking to someone can help you process these emotions.

There are many ways to cope with difficult feelings. Everyone works through their emotions in different ways, but there is a tactic out there for everyone. One way to begin to shift your perception of the adoption is by using positive adoption language. When you feel guilt, you tend to look at your adoption in a negative way. You may say you feel like you’re “giving up” your baby. A better way to talk about your baby’s adoption is by using terms like “placing my baby for adoption” instead. Changing your language can help your brain subconsciously work to see the adoption process in a healthier way.

You can also talk to other birth mothers who are in the same situation or who were in the past. There are support groups out there that we can help you connect with. This way, you can talk to women who also face an unplanned pregnancy. They also googled “adoption agencies near me” and eventually got to the same place you are now. It helps to talk to those who understand what this emotional rollercoaster feels like.

Moving Forward After the Adoption

At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we want to make sure you feel supported during and after your pregnancy. If you’re in the midst of emotional distress and want to connect with a counselor or simply just ask us some questions, do not hesitate to contact us. Remember, what you’re experiencing is normal.

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond. Please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll-free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri, call or text us at 316-391-4904