Top 5 Emotions You can Expect to Feel after Placing Your Baby for Adoption
Adoption can bring up a whirlwind of emotions for you as a birth mother. No matter what kind of adoption you choose, feeling both positive and negative emotions is perfectly okay as you go through your adoption journey. Know that you are never alone and that your feelings are valid. You made the hardest and most beautiful decision during a time in your life where you were unsure what the future held for you and your baby — you chose adoption. This decision was not made lightly. It came with mixed emotions that you will have to grow with and overcome as the days, months, and even years pass by. But, you need to know that these emotions are a part of your adoption journey.
At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we have listed the five emotions you can expect to feel after placing your baby for adoption.
- Happiness and Joy during Your Adoption Journey
Experiencing joy during any point of your adoption journey helps you move forward and feel at ease in choosing a better life for your child. Happiness can be because you experienced one-on-one time with your child. You got to visit him or her or had the opportunity to chat with them online or on the phone.
No matter what, getting to spend a little time with your child is all that matters. Sharing and cherishing these rare, special moments in your adoption journey means a little victory for you as a birth mother. You will feel loved and like an important piece in your child’s adoption story — because you are! Your happiness matters too.
- Feeling Guilt or Sadness after an Adoption Placement
After placing your baby up for adoption, you may feel an intense sadness over not having your child physically present with you, or feeling guilt — like you are a failure as a birth mother. While these emotions may never fully go away, they lessen with time. Working with your birth parent counselor and the support programs available to you can help with this.
Our adoption agency offers adoption support services, such as birth mother retreats, that help you work through your sad moments with the guidance and support you deserve. Other birth mothers can help provide you with comfort as well. Being around women who have had similar experiences can help you feel more understood, causing the sadness and guilt you feel to not be as intense. It can also help you feel less alone and remind you of the reasons you chose adoption for you and your child.
- Relief in Your Choice of Adoption
Feeling a sense of relief as you go through your adoption journey may come easy to you or may come with time. Either way, having your child placed with responsible adoptive parents can provide him or her with opportunities that you may not be able to, leaving you with a sense of peace with your decision.
Always remember, as a birth mother, you are still a parent to your child. Even though you may not have the added pressure of parenthood, or constant worry and stress for your child’s well being, you will always be your child’s birth mother. That will never change. Knowing this, as the years pass by, may help you feel more content, at ease and relieved in your decision. You made the best choice for you and your baby.
- Acceptance of Your Choice of Adoption
The decision to choose adoption and accepting your decision can take a while, even if you are far into your adoption journey. Now, you may be feeling like you have emotionally run a marathon. Going through the various stages of your adoption — from creating your adoption plan to giving birth to post-adoption — can take its toll on you. But, at the same time, you’ve given your decision a lot of careful thought and consideration. That said, you may feel a sense of peace, as you have just walked the path of adoption and found peace with your emotions and overall choice. The peace that you feel is you being okay with choosing adoption.
If you aren’t experiencing that right now, that’s okay. Acceptance comes with time, guidance, patience, and self-love for yourself as the birth mother of your child.
- Proud to Share Your Adoption Journey
Along with acceptance and being proud to be a birth mother, completing your adoption journey comes with a sense of confidence. One that may encourage you to share your adoption story with others — family, friends, those who are considering adoption as a way to grow their family, etc. Your adoption story will help you heal, as well as others who are going through the adoption process, who have gone through it before or are thinking about it. Being proud of choosing adoption for you and your child is a great reason to share your story and bring awareness to the wonderful decision to place your baby for adoption. It’s such a special honor that you should embrace.
Advice for Birth Mothers on Emotions You can Expect to Feel after Placing Your baby for Adoption
As a birth mother, you may always have these feelings listed above, but you should not let these emotions consume you. You will have the resources you need to work through your emotions by researching online resources, like support groups that promote emotional awareness and healing through birth mother activities, like daily birth mother meetings. Adoption will always connect you to certain feelings, but as you move through your adoption journey, these emotions will help you find understanding and peace in your decision and give you a sense of confidence that you truly made the best choice for you and your child.
Meet the Author: Samara Wiley is a published author of poetry, essays, and an environmental children’s storybook called, Waiting for the Water Fairy. She graduated from Benedictine University in 2018 with a double Bachelor of Arts in English Literature and French.She has been published in three small poetry anthologies one was called Talented.
Her other writing accomplishments include: winning a high school poetry competition and $2500 for her high school, having two out of her five novels be considered for publication and writing movie critic reviews for her university’s newsletter.
Although she has Cerebral Palsy and has had a turbulent childhood, Samara puts these small specs of herself into her writing to personally connect with her audience. She prides herself on pushing the boundaries in her writing and in her personal life with everything she does. Samara writes with her heart and a voice of compassion, and loves to pull from her top passions in life.
She currently lives in Yorkville, Illinois with her mom and two sisters.