Birth Mother Blog

Will My Child Hate me for Putting Them Up for Adoption?

Will My Child Hate me for Putting Them Up for Adoption?

As a mother, one of the scariest thoughts is that your child could end up hating you for putting them up for adoption. Just a few questions might be, “isn’t it called giving your baby up for adoption? Will they think I am a bad parent? What if they realize they came from an unplanned pregnancy?” We’ll be the first to admit: it is kind of scary! How can you possibly know what your child will think long after they have started living with the adoptive family? To answer questions just like these, our staff at Adoption Choices of Missouri has combined years of experience helping mothers just like you. As you read on, you may find you have a bit less to worry about than you thought. 

You can Talk to the Adoptive Family

In an open adoption, which most mothers choose, you have the opportunity to talk to and communicate with the adoptive family. This serves two main purposes. The first: you get the peace of mind that your child will be living with a loving family. It always feels as if there are a million things to worry about during an adoption, so knowing the family is kind lifts a weight off your shoulders. 

The second is that the adoptive family can learn a little about you as well if you would like. When it comes time for the adoptive family to tell their child about you, they can explain your situation as you told it to them. Your child will get to learn about you and your story. 

Was Putting Them Up for Adoption the Best Choice?

If you chose adoption in Missouri, that is because it was the best choice for the happiness and safety of the child. Remember, only you know your circumstances and choices at a given time. Whether your child was the result of an unplanned pregnancy or if your financial situation changed dramatically, adoption may be the best way to give your child the future you would like them to have. 

There’s one thing all children do with enough time: they grow up. When your child is older and understands more about their own adoption and how the world works, they’ll see why you did what you did. People are empathetic, and they will also be able to see how you couldn’t have given them the childhood they deserved. 

The Experiences of Adoptees

One other way you can know that your child won’t hate you is through the experiences of other adopted children. You might find that a surprising number of adoptees don’t hold any resentment for their birth parents at all. They recognize the reality of the situation: that not all people are ready to be parents all the time. Life is in no way predictable: there’s no way for someone to prepare for every possible situation. 

Some adoptees also meet their birth parents as adults. Since they’re able to reason with your story, they’re even more likely to accept that you were making the best decision you could. 

Adoptive Families are Loving, Too

We also know many mothers who are pregnant and need help worry that maybe the adoptive family won’t be kind to their child. Is there any way to know the adoptive family won’t make you sound like a horrible mother who abandoned her child?

Well, the main way is through the adoption home study and interview process. Not just anybody can be an adoptive parent. They must pass a series of requirements and tests before being considered by adoption agencies. The home study focuses on the financial preparedness of the family. Paperwork must be in order, and health insurance must be available. The second half of the home study is the interview. If the parents say anything at all that may bring their ability to parent into question, they may lose their ability to become adoptive parents at all. 

All of this to say, adoptive parents have a lot of hoops to jump through for the opportunity to adopt. The result is that adoptive families are 100% sure they want to have the child they will soon adopt. 

Will My Child Hate me for Putting Them Up for Adoption?

Adoption Choices of Missouri knows how difficult it is for you to worry about your child’s future. It is absolutely normal to be scared and concerned about the future of your child. You’re considering adoption because you’re worried about their future! But from the experiences of adoptees to the love of adoptive families, there are many reasons why your child will likely never come to hate you. If you have any other concerns or questions, give us a call at Adoption Choices of Missouri!

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll-free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Joshua Boulet Meet the author: Joshua Boulet is an aspiring journalist and writer with a particular fondness for research and social sciences. He loves music, writing, reading, video games and most art, and anything creative he can get his hands on. Boulet believes that there’s too much good stuff out there and not enough time to see it all. He grew up on video games: the classic Sonic the Hedgehog games, Mario Kart, Marvel Ultimate Alliance, and Legend of Zelda. The music of rhythm games led him to an interest in that, and the investigative journalism of Jason Schreier inspired him to discover the importance of journalism as an industry. That interest in developers’ lives led him to an interest in social justice and how the world could maybe be made into a better place. “All this to say, there is certainly a line I can draw between me obsessively playing Sonic the Hedgehog 2 and me interviewing my sociology professor about how to read academic articles. Those surprising through lines fascinate me all the same. At my best, I’m a person who gets to be constantly fascinated by the lives and work of other people.” His favorite quote is from his favorite jazz musician: “A genius is the one most like himself” – Thelonious Monk.