Top 5 Myths about Birth Mothers
Being a birth mother brings up certain perceptions that people may have of you. Perhaps you’ve run across some of them in your research about adoption or heard something a friend, family member or stranger has said that paints a negative image of who you are.
Here are 5 common myths about birth mothers that you may experience when sharing your own personal adoption journey.
Myths about Birth Mothers
- Birth Mothers don’t Love Their Children
As a birth mother, you have made the hard decision of going through with the adoption process. But you are choosing this because you don’t love your child. Just the opposite. You are choosing to place your child for adoption because you love your child more than anything in the world and want what’s best for him or her — even if that means you won’t be the one raising them. Choosing adoption is a selfless and courageous expression of you putting your child’s needs above your own, and ensuring that they receive the love and care they deserve.
- Birth Mothers don’t Want to be Parents
Parenthood is not for everyone. There is no shame in choosing adoption if you don’t feel like you want to be a parent. Or maybe you do, but the timing is right. If you are considering adoption because of the latter, or because you don’t have a strong support system and don’t want to raise your child alone — adoption is always an option.
However, just because this unplanned pregnancy was not in your life plan does not mean you are not a parent or never will be. You will always be your child’s birth mother, no matter if you choose adoption or not. Being a parent is a lifelong commitment that takes careful planning and support. Not having these factors can make parenthood more challenging as a birth mother.
- All Birth Mothers Struggle with Health Issues and Addictions
While many birth mothers may struggle with health issues and addictions, it is unfair to categorize all birth mothers this way. Physical, mental, emotional or financial struggles can point birth mothers towards adoption because they want what’s best for their child. She understands that she is not in a place where she can give her child the life they deserve.
But just because you may struggle with a health-related issue or addiction or some kind doesn’t mean that you don’t want your child or are incapable of raising him or her. If you are a disabled birth mother, there is always support available to you. Having a disability or mental health issue does not decide if you want your child or your capabilities as a parent. Only you can make that choice and decide what is best for you and your baby.
- Birth Mothers won’t Visit Their Child
This is not true. Many birth mothers want to visit their child. To be involved and want him or her to grow into the independent adult they are meant to be.
As a birth mother, you can choose how open you want your adoption to be. How much contact you want with your child and their adoptive family, and if you want to visit your child after the adoption has been finalized. There are different stages of closeness that you can have with your child. Establishing a relationship with your child can be an unbroken bond.
- Birth Mothers Regret Their Decision
Choosing to place your child for adoption is an extremely emotional and complex decision to make. However, this myth about birth mothers saying that you will regret your decision is unfair and disrespectful to you. By the time you walk into an adoption agency, you have given your choice a lot of thought and have come to terms with what it means for you and your child.
So, while you may feel grief and loss, it’s unlikely you will experience regret. As a birth mother, you have decided to give your baby a chance at a better life. This is not easy, by any means, but Adoption Choices of Missouri has adoption counselors who are there to support, encourage and empower you before, during and after your adoption journey.
Myths about Birth Mothers
Our adoption agency in Missouri accepts birth mothers from all walks of life. We do not think anything negative of your decision, and we will never judge you. We value you as a birth mother and will dismiss anyone who says anything different.
These common misconceptions of birth mothers are just ways for people to tell your story the way they want. Being a birth mother means that you are the only one who gets to know the pages of your personal adoption journey, whatever your story may be.
Meet the Author: Samara Wiley is a published author of poetry, essays, and an environmental children’s storybook called, Waiting for the Water Fairy. She graduated from Benedictine University in 2018 with a double Bachelor of Arts in English Literature and French.She has been published in three small poetry anthologies one was called Talented.
Her other writing accomplishments include: winning a high school poetry competition and $2500 for her high school, having two out of her five novels be considered for publication and writing movie critic reviews for her university’s newsletter.
Although she has Cerebral Palsy and has had a turbulent childhood, Samara puts these small specs of herself into her writing to personally connect with her audience. She prides herself on pushing the boundaries in her writing and in her personal life with everything she does. Samara writes with her heart and a voice of compassion, and loves to pull from her top passions in life.
She currently lives in Yorkville, Illinois with her mom and two sisters.