The Misconceptions Surrounding Birth Mothers and Adoption
By Megan Kostraba
The adoption process can be scary, intimidating, and frustrating. It takes courage to make the decision to consider adoption for your baby! Making your choice is influenced by all kinds of things. Your beliefs, your values, your wishes, your intuition—the list can go on. What we at Adoption Choices of Missouri don’t want to influence your choice, however, is the stigma around birth mothers.
Adoption is one of those concepts that people can feel very strongly about. A lot of people don’t understand how the adoption process works, how we function as adoption agencies in Missouri, or even what goes through a birth mother’s mind. The unknowns that follow adoption leave people thinking that it’s an untrustworthy, irresponsible choice.
We don’t want you making your choice based on the opinions of others! Adoption is a lot of things all wrapped in one, but it’s also, most importantly, your choice. Your adoption plan is a unique one that caters to the needs of you and your child. The choices you make are no one’s but your own, regardless of the stigma that surrounds adoption. If you’re pregnant and considering adoption, we want you to understand what these misconceptions are and why we can dispel them.
Birth Mothers Choosing Adoption are Mostly Teenagers
An unplanned pregnancy can happen to anyone. Unexpected pregnancies have happened to women from all different backgrounds and will only continue to happen as time moves on. There is a stigma against teen birth mothers—people assume that all birth mothers are young women. As an adoption agency, we’ve worked with women who come from all different ages and backgrounds. Whatever age you are when your unplanned pregnancy has occurred, you can know that you are not alone!
Unexpected pregnancies overwhelm, panic, and imitate birth mothers, and we understand why! Pregnancy can upturn your life in a matter of seconds. Whatever age you may be when considering adoption for your baby, remember that what you are feeling has been felt by countless others.
Birth Mothers are Giving a Child Up for Adoption
Some people aren’t aware that considering adoption for your baby is one of the hardest things a woman can do. There’s a lot that goes into making your choice—and what doesn’t help is others using negative adoption language. When you choose adoption, you are not “giving a child up for adoption”. Adoption does not make you a bad person. Adoption means sacrificing your own wishes and wants to give your child opportunities in life that you may not be able to give. It’s incredibly hard to accept that sometimes, and takes self healing. Our agency can provide birth mothers the support they need through our counseling services and other helpful resources.
Adoption always stems from a place of love and care for your child. You want what is best for them, and sometimes, what’s best for them is being with an adoptive family.
Birth Mothers that Choose Adoption are Selfish
Birth mothers are actually the opposite of selfish, they’re selfless. They make the choice that is best for their child, despite what they want. Some women want children, but it’s just the wrong time. Some women suffer from health complications and can’t raise their own children. Adoption is a wonderful alternative for these situations. But, accepting your decision can be so difficult. Adoption causes feelings of regret, guilt, and grief. A lot of people don’t realize that birth mothers have to accept the role they will play in their baby’s life by choosing adoption, despite their desires.
Choosing adoption takes courage, bravery, and self-reflection. It isn’t easy, and it certainly isn’t selfish to want what is best for your child.
Birth Mothers Don’t Want a Relationship with their Child
The relationship a birth mother wants between herself and her child is entirely up to her! There are different types of adoption for this very reason. During a closed adoption, there is no relationship or extra contact between the birth mother and the adoptive family. Some birth mothers do want this privacy! This separation gives both the child and the birth mother a chance to heal and accept the adoption on their own.
However, some birth mothers do want to have a relationship with their child! We can do this through an open adoption in Missouri. In this kind of adoption, a birth mother shares a relationship with the adoptive family. The depth and kind of relationship is something that would have to be discussed between both parties, but many birth mothers choose this path! You can have contact with your child through videos, digital communication, pictures, video calls, even in person meetings! An open adoption is very common in adoption in Missouri.
Birth Mothers that Choose Adoption are Women Who Don’t Want Children
As we’ve mentioned before, an unplanned pregnancy can happen to any woman at any time. Some women who choose adoption are actually already parents! Whether it’s your first, second, or third born child, adoption always remains an option. Choosing adoption while you’re already a parent makes the choice even harder sometimes. Birth mothers can feel emotions of guilt and grief, and may even question their own parenting skills. It’s important to remember that we are our own worst critics. Birth mothers tend to be harsher on themselves than any of the other misconceptions and opinions out there.
Pregnancy is one of those things that has the power to interrupt all of your life plans. Some women do have the aspiration to be a mother and experience motherhood! Just, not yet. And that’s okay! That’s why there are options, like adoption, to help women going through an unexpected pregnancy.
Dispelling the Misconceptions About Adoption
Despite what some people think about birth mothers and adoption in general, we know the truth. And so do you! Birth mothers are caring women who want what is best for their child—and there is nothing more important than that. When you’re thinking about adoption in Missouri, remember that we’ve worked with women from all walks of life! With us, you can feel safe, comfortable, and secure in your choice. Reach out to Adoption Choices of Missouri for any other questions about your adoption journey. We can work on dispelling these misconceptions, together.