Reasons Birth Mothers Choose Adoption
You’re pregnant, and you weren’t planning on it. Everything is going to be ok. Take a deep breath. You can make an adoption plan that works for you.
You may be experiencing a jumble of confusing emotions right now. That’s natural. There is a lot to consider, but figuring out what to do next is entirely up to you. Maybe you don’t feel ready to raise a child or you don’t want to be a parent. Maybe you don’t want to terminate your pregnancy. Or, perhaps, you don’t think you have the support to care for a baby.
If you’re unsure how to proceed with your pregnancy, Adoption Choices of Missouri is here to help. Today, we are going to discuss some of the reasons birth mothers choose adoption.
If you aren’t ready to be a parent…
Maybe the timing isn’t right for a baby. You may want to be a parent someday, just not right now.
If you’re in your teens, you may not feel prepared to take on the responsibility of raising a child. If you don’t have access to childcare, you may worry about how you’d be able to graduate from high school or hold a job and take care of your baby.
If you’re in college, you may feel like juggling the demands of both parenting and earning a degree would be too much to handle.
Maybe you’re focused on your career at this point in your life, and you fear that starting a family now would mean sacrificing your success in the work world.
If you don’t want to be a parent…
Maybe you don’t have any desire to have a baby, now or ever. You might feel that a baby will affect your lifestyle, career trajectory, or long-term goals.
If you’re an older mother, you might be afraid that you aren’t physically able to take care of a baby. You may want your baby to be raised by younger parents instead.
If you don’t want to be a single parent…
You may not want to raise a child without a partner. Maybe the birth father is not willing to support the baby. Or, perhaps, he is not in the picture at all.
You may understandably feel overwhelmed by the idea of being a single mom. You are unsure how you’ll be able to provide for a baby on a single income. You fear that parenting and holding a job will stretch you too thin. Maybe you’d prefer to raise a child in a two-parent household.
If you don’t have the resources to raise a child…
You may not be able to give your baby financial stability. You may not feel like you can provide your child with the resources they need to thrive.
You might hope that an adoptive family would be able to give your child an improved quality of life that you wouldn’t be able to provide.
If you’re already worried about your finances right now, you may be even more worried when faced with the costs of raising a child.
If you live in an unsafe environment…
You may be concerned about exposing your baby to an unstable and unhealthy environment. Is the birth father abusive? Do you have a partner or spouse who is abusive? Do you live with people who are violent? If so, you might worry that you can’t give your child a safe home.
If you don’t want to expand your family…
Maybe you already have children and find yourself unexpectedly pregnant. You may not have the emotional energy to care for another child you weren’t planning for — or the financial resources. An unplanned pregnancy might affect your ability to provide financially, physically and emotionally for your existing children.
If you don’t have your family’s support…
Perhaps your family members aren’t supportive of your pregnancy. They may not be willing to help you financially, offer childcare or be there for you emotionally. You may be scared to raise a child if your family doesn’t have your back.
If you’re incarcerated…
You may worry about what life will look like for your child if you’re in prison. You might feel that taking care of your child during your incarceration is going to be too hard. If you’re pregnant and incarcerated, you can arrange for adoption. See our blog post here for more information about your adoption options from prison.
If you are unable to raise a child…
If you have a physical or mental disability or a major health problem, you might worry that parenting will be too difficult for you.
If any of these reasons birth mothers choose adoption speak to you…
You may want to choose adoption yourself. Every birth mother’s situation is unique. As you can see, the reasons birth mothers choose adoption vary. By choosing adoption, you are making the decision to guarantee security, stability and opportunities for their child.
Whatever your circumstances, adoption is a possibility for you and your baby. At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we are here to support you with compassion and respect, no matter what choice you make. We offer non-judgmental counseling to birth mothers of all backgrounds.
Meet the Author: Zoë Bowlus, a writing and editing enthusiast, considers herself a grammar groupie and suffers from a weakness for wordplay and working with words, whether she is reading, furiously typing away, playing Words with Friends, or filling in the Sunday New York Times crossword puzzle.
She was adopted from Vietnam as a baby and began exploring her adoptee identity in Asian American Studies and Communication courses at UC Santa Barbara. As she combed through adoption literature for her last essay of college (she graduated with highest honors in 2020), she was inspired to use the research, editing, and writing skills she developed in college and her personal experience to create resources and share stories about adoption in a professional context. Writing for Adoption Choices, Zoë hopes to support people on their adoption journeys and to grow as an adoptee herself.
Zoë is an aspiring cat lady who is allergic to cats. She enjoys curling up with homemade hot chocolate, kettle corn, and a good book but laments the absence of a feline reading companion. Her bedside table and bookshelves are overflowing with World War II historical fiction, Asian American and Mexico-U.S. borderlands fiction, contemporary fiction, grammar and style books, and collections of profiles. She spends an inordinate amount of time playing bridge.
An avid NBA fan, Zoë lives in Sacramento, the primary reason anyone would root for the Kings. She holds out hope that they will make it to the playoffs during her lifetime.