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Questions to Ask LGBT Adoptive Parents

October 21, 2020 Adoption Choices of Missouri

Questions to Ask LGBT Adoptive Parents

“Family” is often defined by what society considers “traditional”: a husband, a wife and their biological child(ren). But at Adoption Choices of Missouri, we celebrate all families. It doesn’t matter whether a family is made up of a mom and a dad, two moms, two dads or a single parent. It doesn’t matter whether a family is formed through adoption. It doesn’t matter whether a parent is heterosexual or LGBT. All that matters is that the family members are focused on loving, supporting and caring for each other.

As you’re looking through profiles of prospective adoptive parents, it’s important to think about what you’re looking for in an adoptive family. What type of family do you think is best suited to love and raise your child? You may find that an LGBT family is the perfect fit for you and your preferences. Before you match, here are some questions to ask LGBT adoptive parents.

Family and Relationships

You’ll want to learn about the adoptive parents’ family and friends.

Tell me about your family:
- Are you close with your family?
- Do you have siblings? Do they have children?
- What was your childhood like?
- Does your family live nearby? Do you visit them often?
- Are they supportive of your adoption journey?
Do you have children? If so, were they adopted?
Tell me about your social circle:
- What do you and your friends like to do when you spend time together?
- How do your friends support you?
- Are you friends with people who have children? With other families who have adopted? With other LGBT families?
For two-parent families:
- How did you meet?
- What do you admire about each other?
- How have you overcome any judgement or discrimination about your relationship?
  - How would you teach my child to embrace diverse family forms?

Education and Employment

What level of education did you achieve? What did you study?
What do you do for work?
- How will you juggle work and parenting responsibilities?
How will you teach my child the importance of education?
Are there good schools in your neighborhood?

Parenthood and Parenting

Ask prospective adoptive parents about their parenting goals and philosophies.

Why do you want to be a parent?
- If you already have children, tell me about your parenthood experience. Why do you want to grow your family through adoption?
- If you don’t have children, what experience do you have with children (e.g. babysitting, nieces and nephews)?
Why is adoption important to you?
What qualities do you have that will make you a good parent?
How would you describe your parenting style?
How will you create a family identity?
- What values will you emphasize?
- How will you discuss what family means with my child?
How will you show my child that you love him or her?
What opportunities can you offer my child?
- What activities will you expose them to?

Diversity and Identity

LGBT parents may have experienced prejudice or other difficulties because of their sexual orientation. Their life experiences may result in a strong sense of self and especially inclusive definitions of family and love, excellent qualities in an adoptive parent.

What adversities have you faced as an LGBT individual? How did you overcome this adversity? How have they made you a stronger individual and how will these life experiences affect your parenting?
- How will you foster self-esteem in my child?
- How will you teach my child to love themselves and others?
How will you support my child if he or she experiences teasing or discrimination about their adoption or their family? How will you defend your family structure? How will you teach my child to respond to outsiders’ questions about his or her family?
How do you plan to teach my child to be resilient in the face of challenges?
How will you encourage my child to communicate about their feelings and struggles?
How will you teach my child to celebrate diversity? How will create an open-minded home and safe environment?
How will you instill the importance of equality, respect and acceptance in your household?
What type of relationship do you envision with the birth mother?
- What type of relationship do you want my child to have with his or her birth mother?
  - How will you refer to me (e.g. birth mom/mother/parent)?
How will you talk to my child about adoption?
- How will you include adoption in my child’s family origin story?
- How will you ensure my child feels confident and comfortable about their identity as an adoptee?

Questions to Ask LGBT Adoptive Parents: Is This Family a Good Fit for Me and My Baby?

These are some questions to ask LGBT adoptive parents that will help you figure out if they are the right match for you. Don’t hesitate to ask your caseworker for guidance and don’t be afraid to ask prospective parents any questions you are curious about. Choosing an adoptive family is a big decision, and you want to make sure you’re confident that the family you match with will treat you and your child with care and respect.

Remember that all adoptive parents at Adoption Choices of Missouri have been screened and vetted. They are approved to raise your child in their safe and loving home. Now it’s up to you to figure out which adoptive family you connect with.

At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we are here to help you find the right adoptive family, no matter the shape or size. Every adoptive family’s story is unique and special. LGBT adoptive parents might just fit perfectly into your remarkable and courageous adoption story.

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: Zoë Bowlus, a writing and editing enthusiast, considers herself a grammar groupie and suffers from a weakness for wordplay and working with words, whether she is reading, furiously typing away, playing Words with Friends, or filling in the Sunday New York Times crossword puzzle.

She was adopted from Vietnam as a baby and began exploring her adoptee identity in Asian American Studies and Communication courses at UC Santa Barbara. As she combed through adoption literature for her last essay of college (she graduated with highest honors in 2020), she was inspired to use the research, editing, and writing skills she developed in college and her personal experience to create resources and share stories about adoption in a professional context. Writing for Adoption Choices, Zoë hopes to support people on their adoption journeys and to grow as an adoptee herself.

Zoë is an aspiring cat lady who is allergic to cats. She enjoys curling up with homemade hot chocolate, kettle corn, and a good book but laments the absence of a feline reading companion. Her bedside table and bookshelves are overflowing with World War II historical fiction, Asian American and Mexico-U.S. borderlands fiction, contemporary fiction, grammar and style books, and collections of profiles. She spends an inordinate amount of time playing bridge.

An avid NBA fan, Zoë lives in Sacramento, the primary reason anyone would root for the Kings. She holds out hope that they will make it to the playoffs during her lifetime.

Birth Mother Financial Assistance in Missouri

Financial Assistance for Birth Mothers: Helpful Resources for Adoption in Missouri

October 14, 2020 Adoption Choices of Missouri

Financial Assistance for Birth Mothers: Helpful Resources for Adoption in Missouri

By Zoë Bowlus

If you’re an expectant mother giving a child up for adoption in Missouri, you might be feeling a little overwhelmed right now. You may be thinking to yourself, “I’m considering adoption for my baby, but I can’t afford an agency.” Now that you’re pregnant, it’s especially important to prioritize your physical and mental health. You need to focus on taking care of yourself and your baby. The last thing you need right now is to be stressed about financial worries. Fortunately, you are not alone. There are many sources of financial assistance for birth mothers. It takes a village to bring a child into this world and, as a birth mother, you have access to plenty of services and programs that will ensure you have a safe, healthy pregnancy and a smooth adoption process.

If you choose to place your baby for adoption, there are no costs for you. You may even be eligible for financial assistance, depending on your unique circumstances and needs. At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we will help you get the financial support you need to cover any pregnancy and adoption expenses.

Financial Assistance through Our Agency

Adoption Choices of Missouri offers services and support for birth mothers at no cost. You will work with an adoption caseworker, your trusted guide, resource, and advocate. They will help you through every step of your pregnancy and adoption journey and are available 24/7 for support. Here are some of the ways they can help:

Making an Adoption Plan: Your adoption caseworker will provide you with all the insight you need to create an adoption plan that suits your needs and preferences. You will be matched with an adoptive family you trust to love and care for your baby.
Medical Care: Your prenatal appointments and any hospital fees will be covered.
Transportation: If you need rides to your doctor’s office or the pharmacy, your adoption caseworker will arrange transportation.
Housing: If you find yourself in an unsafe or stressful living situation, your adoption caseworker will make sure you have a safe place to live.
Living Expenses: Your adoption caseworker will help assess your financial situation and make sure you receive the support you need to cover living expenses (e.g. rent, food, maternity clothes, and other court-approved expenses). In many cases, your child’s adoptive parents may help cover some of your living expenses as well.
Mental Health Care: Choosing adoption is incredibly brave! You may experience a jumble of emotions throughout your pregnancy and adoption journey, and that’s totally normal. Luckily, Adoption Choices of Missouri offers counseling throughout your pregnancy and post-placement. Your adoption caseworker will be a source of compassion and emotional support. We can also find a birth mother support group for you.
Legal Representation: Your rights as a birth mother will be protected. You don’t have to worry about any legal fees. If you choose to work with an adoption attorney, we will pay his or his fees.

Financial Assistance through Government and State Programs

There are also government programs designed to support pregnant women. Your adoption caseworker will help you figure out if you’re eligible for any of these programs and walk you through the application process.

Medical Care
MO HealthNet for Pregnant Women (Medicaid) or Show-Me Healthy Babies (SMHB) – Through these state programs, you will receive healthcare coverage throughout your entire pregnancy. Prenatal, labor and delivery, and postpartum services are provided.
Healthy Eating: What you eat while you’re pregnant affects not only your health but also your baby’s health, so getting enough food and eating nutritious foods are important priorities. There are a few different programs that will help you cover the cost of healthy groceries.
WIC Program (Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants, and Children) – Through WIC, you’ll be able to add healthy foods (e.g. fresh produce, whole wheat bread, eggs) to your diet. A WIC nutritionist will customize a food package that meets your needs. Using your eWIC card (like a debit card), you can shop at approved stores for WIC Approved groceries.
SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program aka Food Stamp Program) – You’ll receive an EBT card loaded with the amount of food stamp benefits you’re approved to receive. Then, you can buy food at an approved SNAP retailer. You can also buy plants and seeds so you can grow your own food.
Safe and Affordable Housing: You may be able to receive reduced rent on an apartment through the Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD). Additionally, public housing and housing choice vouchers are available through your local Public Housing Agency (PHA).
Missouri Low Income Home Energy Assistance Program (LIHEAP) – If you need help with utilities, this program will help cover your heating bill from November through March.

It Takes a Village: Financial Assistance for Birth Mothers

If you’re unexpectedly pregnant, it is okay to need help making ends meet throughout your pregnancy. It is okay to be unsure about what you want your adoption journey to look like. Whatever emotions you’re feeling are completely valid. Do not be afraid or ashamed to ask for help or lean on your support network (including your adoption caseworker). You may discover how to access resources that are designed specifically for pregnant women like you.

There are many options for financial assistance for birth mothers. At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we’re here for you, whether we are providing you with our agency’s free services or helping you sign up for government programs. Your and your baby’s best interests, health, nutrition, and safety come first.

Birth Mother Blog

Spotlight on Single Parent Open Adoption

October 7, 2020 Adoption Choices of Missouri

Spotlight on Single Parent Open Adoption in Missouri

When developing your adoption plan, you have a lot of options. As the birth mother, you are in charge. You get to decide what type of adoption and what type of adoptive family suits your needs and your baby’s best interests.

At Adoption Choices of Missouri, families hoping to adopt come in all shapes and sizes. Have you thought about single parent open adoption?

Why Choose a Single Parent?

There are many reasons to choose a single parent. Perhaps you were raised by a single parent yourself. Maybe you’re afraid that your child will have to witness or experience domestic violence or watch their adoptive parents go through divorce. Or, factors other than family size may be more important to you when choosing adoptive parents. Maybe you’re looking through profiles of adoptive families and you just feel a connection with a single parent. Trust your instincts and prioritize your preferences.

A single parent hoping to adopt has a lot to offer your baby, including

Financial security
Housing
Safe and stable environment
Educational opportunities
A strong desire to be a parent
A strong support system of family and friends

All adoptive families at Adoption Choices of Missouri have passed interviews, background checks and home studies. All single adoptive parents who work with us are qualified to welcome your baby into their lives with love and care.

Why Choose an Open Adoption?

In an open adoption, you choose how and when you will communicate with the adoptive parent and your child before, during and after placement. You and the single adoptive parent have the chance to exchange contact information, and you can share medical information so that your child will have access to their health history.

An open adoption allows you to have a relationship with the adoptive parent and your child. It’s up to you how open and close that relationship is. Your comfort level and desires are important. Make sure you talk to your adoption caseworker so they can help you find an adoption arrangement and adoptive family that will meet your needs.

Every adoption plan is different and customized according to the birth mother’s wishes. Here’s what single parent open adoption might look like for you throughout your adoption journey:

Matching: Once you’ve matched with the single adoptive parent(s), your adoption caseworker can coordinate a meeting. You could talk to the parent over the phone, schedule a video chat or meet in person so you can get to know them better.
During Pregnancy: If you’d like, the adoptive parent could come with you to in-person doctor’s visits (be sure to check out your hospital’s COVID-19 visitor policies) or be present if you’re having an appointment over video.
At Birth: When you’re making your hospital plan, consider what role you’d like the adoptive parent to play. Do you want the parent to be with you as you give birth? Do you want to spend time in the hospital together, just you, the adoptive parent and your baby? Or, if you’d prefer, the adoptive parent could be in the waiting room while you spend some alone time with your baby.
Post Placement: After an open adoption has been finalized, you can stay in touch with the adoptive parent and be involved in your child’s life. Think about how often you’d like to be in touch. How frequently do you want to receive updates? Do you want to keep in touch by phone, email, letter or video chat? You could also agree with the single parent to visit in person. Do you want the adoptive parent to send you pictures of your child? Do you want to change the frequency and type of communication as your child grows up?

Is Single Parent Open Adoption Right for You?

There’s a lot to think about as you work with your adoption caseworker to create your adoption plan. Choosing the family who will raise your child is a big decision. Remember to respect your own needs. Share your feelings. Ask questions. Voice your concerns. At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we are here to help you find an adoptive family.

At the end of the day, you want to select a family who will provide your baby with warmth, stability, love and opportunities. A single adoptive parent can do just that.

If you choose to have an open adoption and a single adoptive parent, your child will be able to know his or her adoption story. He or she will know that they are fortunate to have two loving parents in their life: you, who made a brave decision to choose adoption, and their adoptive parent.

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

An avid NBA fan, Zoë lives in Sacramento, the primary reason anyone would root for the Kings. She holds out hope that they will make it to the playoffs during her lifetime.

Birth Mother Blog

Qualities Look for in an Adoption Attorney as a Birth Mother in Missouri

September 30, 2020 Adoption Choices of Missouri

Qualities Look for in an Adoption Attorney as a Birth Mother in Missouri

By Zoë Bowlus

An adoption attorney is a professional who specializes in family law, specifically adoption. Because they are experts on the legal side of adoption, they are a great resource and advocate to have by your side as you progress on your adoption journey. When you work with us at Adoption Choices of Missouri, you are not required to have an adoption attorney in Missouri. We offer legal services to ensure your rights as a birth mother are protected, and any legal fees will be covered by our agency. However, if you are giving a child up for adoption in Missouri and wish to be represented by an adoption attorney, it is an option.

Here are some qualities to look for in an adoption attorney as a birth mother:

Important Qualifications and Aspects to Consider

To learn more about adoption attorneys and their qualifications, see if they have their own website or if they have a profile on their firm’s website. As you’re browsing, ask yourself the following questions and see if you can find the answers. If not, be sure to ask the adoption agency itself through a phone call or in-person visit.

Are They Licensed?

Is the attorney licensed to practice family law in Missouri?

Are They Experienced?

How long have they been practicing? Do they specialize in adoption law? Do they have experience with domestic infant and newborn adoption cases?

You want to make sure that your attorney has experience working with birth mothers like you. For instance, did you match with an adoptive family that lives in another state? Are you a single birth mother? Have you chosen an open, semi-open or closed adoption? It’s helpful if an attorney has represented birth mothers in circumstances similar to yours.

Check out the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys (AAAA), which is a reputable professional organization of attorneys who specialize in adoption. For an attorney to be listed in the AAAA directory, they must have practiced law for at least five years and they must have worked on at least 50 adoptions. So, you can set your mind at ease, knowing that they are legitimate and experienced.

Do They Get Great Reviews?

Check out lawyer review sites, such as Yelp or Avvo.com. Did people leave favorable comments? Does it seem like other clients had a good experience working with this attorney?

It’s essential that an Adoption Attorney can be Trusted

Making an adoption plan is a major life decision. If you want to bring an attorney on board your adoption team, you want to make sure they are respectful and caring.

When it comes to whether you trust an adoption attorney, careful research is important, but remember to also trust your own instinct. Consider these questions when evaluating an adoption attorney:

Do they seem trustworthy?
Do they seem supportive, understanding and kind?
Do you feel comfortable around them? Do you feel like you connect with them?
Do you feel like they will honor your wishes and needs?
Do you feel confident that they will provide expert guidance?
Do you feel that they will do their best to help you?
Does it seem like they will look out for you and protect your birth mother rights?

Logistics and Communication

How can you communicate with your attorney (e.g. phone call, email, text, ZOOM appointments or in-person meetings)? If you’re going to meet in person, is their office conveniently located for you?

Finding an Adoption Attorney

If you have more questions about prospective adoption attorneys after researching, give them a call. Your adoption caseworker can also help you choose an adoption attorney.

Remember that you don’t need an adoption attorney if you work with Adoption Choices of Missouri. But, if you’d like to add an advocate to your support network, be sure to consider these qualities to look for in an adoption attorney as a birth mother. You need and deserve a team of people who have your best interests at heart, so finding a knowledgeable adoption attorney you trust is important.

Birth Mother Blog

A Birth Mother’s Guide to Creating a Hospital Birth Plan for Adoption in Missouri

September 23, 2020 Adoption Choices of Missouri

A Birth Mother’s Guide to Creating a Hospital Birth Plan for Adoption in Missouri

By Zoë Bowlus

You’ve chosen adoption. Check. You’ve made an adoption plan. Check. You’ve matched with an adoptive family. Check. Stop for a second and congratulate yourself! You’ve already accomplished so much on your adoption journey. As your due date approaches, now it’s time to prepare for the birth of your baby by creating a hospital birth plan — a document that outlines your labor and delivery preferences for giving a child up for adoption in Missouri.

As the birth mother, you get to make decisions about what your hospital experience will be like. The sooner you start planning, the better. Figuring out the logistics will help your labor and delivery team, the adoptive family, your adoption caseworker and your support network make sure your hospital experience goes as smoothly as possible before, during, and after birth.

At Adoption Choices of Missouri, your adoption caseworker will provide you with information, guidance, and emotional support as you develop a hospital plan. Remember to consult your doctor about any labor and delivery questions you have.

I’m considering adoption for my baby. What preferences should I consider to prepare?

Getting to the Hospital

Transportation: Who will take you to the hospital?
Hospital bag: Gather the items you’ll want to bring with you. Have your hospital bag packed and ready to go.

Delivery Room Preferences

Visitors: Do you want anyone with you in the delivery room? A family member? The adoptive parent(s)? A friend? Your partner or spouse? Your doula? Your adoption caseworker? It’s entirely up to you, but it’s good to plan with your support network in advance.

Be sure to check your hospital’s visitor guidelines. There may be restrictions due to COVID-19. You’ll likely be allowed one support person.

Photos and Videos: Do you want the birth documented? Do you want photos or videos of you and/or your newborn? Do you want to take pictures of your baby? Would you like to video chat with friends or family during your hospital stay? Especially since the number of visitors allowed in the delivery room may be limited, think about creative ways to commemorate the birth and to share updates with friends and family digitally. Be sure to talk to your caseworker and check with your healthcare provider because different hospitals have different policies for taking photos and videos.
Ambiance: Do you want your own music playing? Do you want the lights dim?
Clothing: Do you want to wear your own clothes? If you wear contacts and are giving birth vaginally, decide whether you’d like to wear contacts or glasses.

Labor

You can indicate whether you’d like to try a birthing ball, squatting bar or labor pool/tub, all of which can help you during labor. You can also choose which position(s) you’d like to be in during the pushing stage. Do you want to receive coaching when it’s time to push?

Hydration: Do you want to drink clear liquids or do you want to receive fluids through an IV?
Pain Management: Indicate which methods you’d like to use to manage any pain (e.g. breathing techniques, a bath or shower). Do you want hospital staff to ask you if you want pain medication? Or do you want to request it yourself?

Birth

Consult with your doctor to discuss vaginal births versus C-sections.

Vaginal Birth: Do you want to watch the birth using a mirror? Do you want your support person to help catch your baby?
C-Section: Who do you want to hold the baby after the operation?

You and Your Baby

After Birth: Do you want to see your baby after delivery? If so, you’ll want to consider how much time you want to spend with your newborn before the adoptive family brings your baby home. Do you want to spend time with your baby alone?

Here are some other questions to consider:

Do you want to be the first person to hold your baby? If so, do you want to hold your baby right away, or do you want the newborn procedures to be taken care of first? Do you want the newborn procedures to be performed in your presence?

Who do you want to cut the umbilical cord?
If your baby is a boy, do you want him circumcised?

Naming Your Baby

Do you want to name your baby? If so, the name you choose at the hospital will be on your baby’s Original Birth Certificate (if the adoptive family chooses a different name, the birth certificate will be updated on the Amended Birth Certificate when the adoption is finalized). If you’ve chosen an open adoption, you and the adoptive family can discuss the naming process. Maybe you’ll decide on a name together. For instance, you can have the first name and they can have the middle, or vice versa. Maybe you’re more comfortable if they choose a name. Maybe they’re happy with whatever name you choose.

Going Home

What are your preferences for leaving the hospital? When you are discharged, do you want the adoptive parent(s) to accompany you? Do you want to leave the hospital on your own or with your chosen support person?

Check with your hospital to see what their discharge policies are. According to Missouri law, you can officially consent to adoption up to 48 hours after birth.

Mementos and Documents: Do you want to bring home any items from the hospital (e.g., baby blanket, baby footprints, baby bracelet, umbilical cord camp, copy of birth certificate)? Would you like the adoptive family to bring home any of these items with them?
Transportation: Who will bring you home after you are discharged?

A Flexible Plan Customized for You

If you change your mind about any of the preferences you noted on your hospital plan, that’s totally okay. You can even make changes on the day you go into labor. Just talk with your adoption caseworker and let them know what you’d like to be different. Everyone wants you to feel comfortable during your hospital stay, so don’t be afraid to speak up about your preferences.

Do remember, though, that even though you’ve carefully planned your hospital experience, babies are unpredictable. The hospital staff may have to make some changes to your hospital plan to keep you and your baby healthy.

Creating an Adoption Hospital Plan: Getting Prepared for Giving Birth

Giving birth is a major moment in your life. We want to make sure you have an adoption hospital plan in place so that you know what to expect and are ready to have your baby. It’s important to start thinking about your hospital plan now so that your adoption caseworker, your hospital staff, and the adoptive family are up to date on your labor and delivery preferences.

We know there are a lot of decisions to make as you plan for your baby’s birth. At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we are here to help you figure out exactly what you want and what’s best (and safest and healthiest) for you and your baby. Remember to talk with your caseworker and your doctor about any questions and concerns you may have about labor and delivery.

Armed with a detailed adoption hospital plan, you are one step further on your courageous adoption journey.

Blog

Navigating the Adoption Triad: You, Your Baby and the Adoptive Family

September 16, 2020 Adoption Choices of Missouri

Navigating the Adoption Triad: You, Your Baby and the Adoptive Family

Once you make the brave decision to place your baby for adoption, you become part of the adoption triad, otherwise known as the symbol of adoption. Just as it sounds, this symbol is a triangle that represents the three sets of interconnected relationships between you, your child and the adoptive family. As the birth mother, you have the power to make choices that affect how close these relationships are.

You will always be uniquely connected to your baby and the adoptive family. At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we are here to help you create an adoption plan that meets your needs and preferences for closeness and privacy within the adoption triad during the adoption process and post-placement.

The Three Points of the Adoption Triad

The Pivotal Point: You

You’re unexpectedly pregnant and not ready, willing or able to raise a child. So you summon your strength and pursue adoption. By embarking on your adoption journey, you are navigating the adoption triad and connecting your baby with an adoptive family.

The Top Point: Your Baby

Your baby is the top point of the triangle, loved by both you and the adoptive family. Because of your selfless decision made out of love, your baby will be nurtured and raised in a home by supportive adoptive parents. Your child will have access to opportunities, stability and safety.

Completing the Triad: The Adoptive Family

The adoptive parents are your child’s legal parents. They will love, protect and care for your child. During the matching process, you will be able to view a number of adoptive parent profiles and select the one who you think would make the best fit for your child. Depending on your adoption agreement with them, you can also have the opportunity to get to know them and remain in your child’s life post adoption.

You and the Adoptive Family

You get to choose which type of adoption you’re comfortable with. You get to decide how much you interact with the adoptive parent(s).

Pre-adoption: You may envision a close relationship with the adoptive family. You might want to visit with them after you’ve matched. Your adoption caseworker can coordinate a meeting. Maybe you want the adoptive parents to accompany you to prenatal doctor’s appointments. You might want them in the delivery room with you when you give birth.

On the other hand, you may not want to be that close with the adoptive parents. Maybe you only want to speak with them over the phone. Maybe you want your caseworker to mediate all communication. You might want to keep any identifying information about yourself private. Or you might not want to have any contact at all.

Post-placement: Do you want to keep in touch with the adoptive family after adoption? You may want to remain close with the adoptive parents after the adoption has been finalized, or you may prefer to have more distance. You can agree to communicate via text, email or letter, and you can determine how frequently you want to contact each other.

Your desired level of openness with the adoptive family is a factor to consider when you’re looking at profiles of families waiting to adopt. You’ll want to know if your communication preferences pre- and post-adoption are compatible. Based on your preferences for closeness, you may want to choose an adoptive family that lives nearby or a family that lives in a different state. You want to make sure you match with a family who is on the same page about the type of relationship you’ll have with them.

You and Your Child

You and your child will always be bonded to each other, no matter how involved you are in their life after adoption. As you develop an adoption plan, consider what type of relationship you’d like to have with your child post-placement.

Do you want your child to know your identity, or do you prefer to keep that private?

Do you want to receive updates about your child’s life? Do you want the adoptive parents to send photos of your child? At Adoption Choices of Missouri, adoptive parents must be willing to send a letter with pictures once a year until your child has reached adulthood, if you wish. You can also send letters and pictures of your own if you want your child to know more about you but are more comfortable doing so from a distance.

Would you like to be more involved in your child’s life? Maybe you’d like to see your child in person once they’ve reached a certain age. Maybe you could visit on holidays or for your child’s birthday. You can talk with the adoptive family to see what sort of arrangements would work for both of you.

A Triangle of Relationships

Sometimes, navigating the adoption triad might seem tricky or confusing. Do not be afraid to seek out support if you are sad, unsure or struggling in any way. At Adoption Choices of Missouri, our caseworkers offer guidance, support and resources to help you feel at peace as you go through the adoption process. We offer counseling services, which you can turn to before and after your baby has been placed for adoption. Additionally, we can help you find a birth mother support group so you can learn from other women who’ve gone through the adoption process and established different types of relationships with their children and their adoptive families.

The adoption journey is a special experience that connects three groups of people. We are here to help you make sure that these relationships go as smoothly as possible according to your wishes.

Navigating the Adoption Triad

You, your baby and the adoptive parents are linked together. As you figure out whether an open, semi-open or closed adoption is the best type of adoption for you, it is important to think about what you’d like your adoption triad to look like both during the adoption process and after the placement.

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

An avid NBA fan, Zoë lives in Sacramento, the primary reason anyone would root for the Kings. She holds out hope that they will make it to the playoffs during her lifetime.

Birth Mother Blog

Qualities to Look for in Adoptive Parents: Figuring Out What Matters When Giving Up a Child for Adoption in Missouri

September 9, 2020 Adoption Choices of Missouri

Qualities to Look for in Adoptive Parents: Figuring Out What Matters When Giving Up a Child for Adoption in Missouri

By Zoë Bowlus

You’re unexpectedly pregnant and have made the courageous decision to choose giving up a child for adoption in Missouri. Now it’s time to make another choice: the adoptive family. It’s important to ask yourself, “If I’m considering adoption for my baby, what parental qualities should I look for?”

You may have a clear picture of the type of adoptive family you’re looking for. Maybe you have a couple of characteristics in mind that are important to you. Or, you might have no clue where to start. Wherever you are in the process mentally and emotionally, at Adoption Choices of Missouri, we are here to help you as you search for the family that will adopt your baby.

Here is an overview of the matching process and a breakdown of qualities to look for in adoptive parents:

Finding a match

First, your adoption caseworker will send you profiles of adoptive parents waiting to adopt. Rest assured that adoptive parents at Adoption Choices of Missouri must go through background checks, interviews, and home studies. These families are qualified and ready to welcome your baby into their homes and hearts.

The provided profiles include photos and information that will allow you to get to know the adoptive parents and figure out if they are a good fit for you. Through “Dear Birth Mother” letters and detailed descriptions, the waiting families share their stories and adoption dreams. You will learn about their lifestyle, education and employment, interests, beliefs and values, hometowns, and so on. You will read about their reasons for choosing adoption and learn about the love, life, and opportunities they would give your child.

As you browse the profiles of hopeful adoptive parents, you can mull over your options and weigh which qualities matter most to you. Then you will select your child’s adoptive family. After you’ve matched, your caseworker will coordinate communication. You and the adoptive parents will determine how you want to keep in touch during your pregnancy and post-placement.

How will you know which family is the right family for you? Remember that this decision is about what matters to you. What type of parent do you want to raise your baby? What kind of life do you envision for your child? You may wish for your child’s life to be similar to yours in ways, or you may imagine a life for them that is totally different. What are your hopes for your baby? For inspiration, here are some ideas and questions to consider as you decide on an adoptive family:

Family type and size

Adoptive Parent(s): Do you want your child to grow up in a two-parent household? Is it important that your child’s parents are married? How long have they been in a relationship? Do you want an LGBTQ family to adopt your baby? How do you feel about a single parent raising your child?
Other children: Do you want your child to be an only child? Or do you want your child to grow up with siblings? How many siblings? Does the family already have children? Does it matter to you if the family’s other children are biological or adopted? Does the family have plans to grow their family? Do you want the family to have had previous experience with adoption?
Extended family: Are the adoptive parents close with their parents and siblings? Do you want your child to have grandparents who are actively involved in their life? Is a big extended family of aunts and uncles and cousins important to you? Would you like for the adoptive family to live near their relatives?
Pets: Do you want your child to grow up in a family with a dog or cat or other pet?

Age

Do you have a preference for adoptive parents who are about the same age as you? A little older? A little younger?

Education and Employment

You may want to consider the adoptive parents’ education level. Does it matter to you if they graduated from college or have an advanced degree?

What do the adoptive family members do for a living? Will they be able to provide financial stability for your child and what opportunities will they be able to give your child? How much do they work? Do they work from home? Would you prefer for your child to be raised by at least one stay-at-home parent?

Race, ethnicity, and culture

Do you want the adoptive parents to share the same race and/or ethnicity as your child? Or are you open to transracial adoption? Would you like the adoptive family to be bilingual?

Views, Values, and Beliefs

Is it important to you that the adoptive family has values and worldviews that are similar to yours? Do you want your child to grow up in a faith-based household?

Hometown and Home

Where does the adoptive family live? Depending on the level of openness you prefer and your comfort level, you may or may not want the adoptive parents to live in the same town or state.

Is their home in a rural area or do they live in the city? Do they live by the ocean or the mountains? Do they live in a neighborhood with other families with young children? Are there good schools in their district? Are there nearby parks or museums?

What is their home like? Do they live in a big house, a condo, or an apartment? Do they have a backyard?

Hobbies, Interests, and Social Life

What does the adoptive family do for fun? Do they spend a lot of time outdoors? Do they play sports? Maybe they have family game nights. How do they celebrate birthdays and holidays? Do they travel? Do they love going to the movies? Reading? What do they like to do with their friends?

Parenting Philosophy

What is their parenting style? What values will they teach your child? How will they express their love and support? What traits make them great parents? If they already have children, what has their parenting experience been like?

Why are they choosing to adopt? What sort of relationship do they envision with you, the birth mother?

Personality

How do they describe themselves? What is their character like?

Qualities to Look for in Adoptive Parents:

These are just a few ideas and questions to think about as you look through adoptive family profiles. Some qualities may be really important to you; others may not matter so much. There are no right answers or opinions. Trust and respect your instincts. Do you feel like you connect with this adoptive family? Do you feel confident that they will provide your child with a loving and fulfilling life? As you figure out which qualities to look for in adoptive parents, you are one step closer to your adoption success story.

Birth Mother Blog

Pregnant Again: Can I Place a Second Baby for Adoption with the Same Agency?

September 2, 2020 Adoption Choices of Missouri

Pregnant Again: Can I Place a Second Baby for Adoption with the Same Agency?

You’re unexpectedly pregnant. Again. And parenting still isn’t part of your plans right now. Don’t worry. You can place a second baby for adoption. You can work with the same agency to find a loving family for your baby or a different agency.

At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we welcome all birth mothers, whether this is your first time making an adoption plan or you’re facing another unplanned pregnancy.

Respect and Resources for Birth Mothers Adopting a Second Time

Are you feeling overwhelmed? Judged? Nervous? Ashamed? Scared? You may be experiencing a jumble of emotions about this second pregnancy. That’s totally understandable. Remember that as an expectant birth mother, you deserve respect and compassion, no matter your pregnancy circumstances. If you find yourself unexpectedly pregnant again, you’re not alone. Unplanned pregnancy is common, and several of Adoption Choices birth mother clients go through the adoption process multiple times.

At our adoption center in Missouri, we are here to support you as you navigate your new reality. You will receive the same empathy, care and resources you did when you worked with us the first time. Your caring caseworker will help coordinate your adoption plan. You will have access to all our services, including financial assistance and legal representation.

Finding an Adoptive Family for Your Second Baby

You can work with the same agency to place your baby for adoption. First, your caseworker will check in with the family who adopted your first child since we try to keep your children in the same adoptive family. The adoptive parent(s) may be excited to raise birth siblings. If they are able to adopt your second baby, then everything should run smoothly, especially since you already know the adoptive parents.

Unfortunately, we can’t guarantee that the adoptive family will be able to adopt your second baby. They might not have the time or financial resources to adopt and raise another child. Or maybe they were not planning on expanding their family. Whatever the reason, if the adoptive family can’t adopt your second child, don’t worry. We will help you make an adoption plan and match you with another loving family. Since you’ve already been through the process before, you know what to expect. You will be able to choose the type of adoption you prefer and look through profiles of prospective families before selecting an adoptive family. Your caseworker will correspond with both adoptive families to try to make sure your birth children can keep in touch as they grow up.

What this Adoption Journey will Look Like

Your adoption journey this time around might be quite similar to your first if you felt satisfied with the arrangements you chose last time. Or, it might be totally different. Since you’ve been on an adoption journey before, you may decide you want to make some changes when creating your adoption plan. You might choose to have more or less interaction with the adoptive family during your pregnancy. Maybe you want the post-adoption relationship with your child and their adoptive family to be different. If you’re placing your child with a different family, you might think about different characteristics, such as their family size, religion or hometown.

Whether your adoption choices are exactly the same or totally different, you will still be making the same loving decision to place your baby for adoption.

Taking Care of Yourself during the Adoption Process

You already made the brave decision to place your first child for adoption. You are caring and courageous. Now that you’ve found out you’re pregnant again, you may be stressed, confused, conflicted or unsure about what to do next. As you go through the adoption process again, remind yourself that you possess an incredible amount of strength and love. We are here to help you cope and feel confident as you choose what’s best for you and your baby.

Your mental health is important as you go through pregnancy and adoption, so emotional support is a top priority. Our agency offers counseling, both during the adoption process and post placement. You can talk with a counselor, who will listen to what’s on your mind and provide judgement-free guidance.

Another option is a support group. We can help you connect with a group of birth mothers who have gone through the adoption process or who are in the middle of placing their baby for adoption. In a birth mother support group, you can share as much (or as little) as you want. You can ask questions. You can share your feelings, frustrations and fears. Or you can simply listen to other birth mothers’ stories.

You do not have to face a second unplanned pregnancy alone. Do not be afraid to reach out for help or support.

You Can Place a Second Baby for Adoption

If you’re unexpectedly pregnant again and considering your options, you can absolutely place a second baby for adoption with the same agency! At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we do not judge birth mothers for any reason. If you’ve placed with us before, we are happy to work with you again. We will be a trusted resource for you as you go through the adoption process.

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

An avid NBA fan, Zoë lives in Sacramento, the primary reason anyone would root for the Kings. She holds out hope that they will make it to the playoffs during her lifetime.

Birth Mother Blog

How COVID-19 Affects Adoption in Missouri

August 26, 2020 Adoption Choices of Missouri

How COVID-19 Affects Adoption in Missouri

In the COVID-19 pandemic, we are faced with so many confusing questions: What’s safe? What’s not? Where can I go? Can I see people in person? How do I stay healthy? If you’re unexpectedly pregnant, you’re dealing with a lot right now: On top of figuring out what’s best for you and your baby, you have to factor in pandemic safety precautions and the uncertainty of COVID-19. You may be wondering if adoption is still an option. It is! You can still safely place your baby for adoption during this pandemic.

Adoption Choices of Missouri is still open and offering full services during the pandemic. We are always here to help you through every step of your adoption journey.

Here are some answers to questions you might have about how COVID-19 affects adoption in Missouri:

Is the Adoption Process Still the Same?

Yes! You can still make an adoption plan just as you would have before COVID-19. You will still work with one of our adoption caseworkers, who will provide support and resources and answer any questions you have. You will still fill out paperwork, choose the type of adoption that works for your needs, browse prospective adoptive parent profiles and match with the family you want to adopt your baby.

The only difference is that all of this will happen online or over the phone. Even though our physical offices are closed right now, we are working remotely to make adoption possible for you.

Keep in mind there may be some delays since everyone must practice social distancing to prevent the spread of COVID-19. It might take a little longer to communicate with everyone involved in the adoption process. For example, families hoping to adopt must go through interviews and home studies, which are usually conducted in person. Because of COVID-19 safety measures, completing these protocols might be slower. But don’t worry; there are still many families waiting to open their homes and hearts to an adopted baby. We are working hard to make sure you connect safely with an adoptive family.

If I Want to Communicate with the Adoptive Family, is that Still Possible?

Absolutely! If you’ve chosen an open adoption, you can meet the adoptive family using ZOOM, Skype, FaceTime or other video chat apps. Your adoption caseworker can set up a virtual meeting or call for you.

Should I Postpone My Prenatal Doctor’s Appointments?

No. You should still see your doctor. Prenatal check-ups are important to ensure that you and your baby are healthy. Your doctor will give you advice about how to protect you and your baby’s health throughout your pregnancy and during the pandemic.

It’s totally understandable if COVID-19 makes you nervous about going to the doctor’s office. Ask your healthcare provider what measures they’re taking to keep their patients safe during in-person visits. You may even be able to meet virtually with your doctor over the phone or video. Check with your doctor to see if they want to see you in person or if you can make a telehealth appointment instead.

I’d like the Adoptive Family to be with Me at My Prenatal Appointments. Who is allowed in the Doctor’s Office?

Different healthcare providers have different rules about visitors to keep everyone healthy and safe. Check with your healthcare provider to see if you’re allowed to have someone accompany you to your doctor’s appointments.

I’m about to Give Birth. What will My Hospital Experience be Like?

It is still safe to give birth at a hospital, where professionals can provide the best care. Your labor and delivery team will do everything they can to protect your health and your baby.

Before entering the hospital, you will be screened and/or tested for COVID-19. If you test positive or are suspected of having COVID-19, don’t worry. You will still be cared for, just in another part of the hospital in order to prevent the spread of disease.

Your labor plan should be the same as it would be normally pre-pandemic. Generally, COVID-19 should not change the preferred timing and method of your delivery. Check with your doctor to see if you need to make any modifications.

Your labor and delivery team will wear masks and other personal protective equipment. Ask your doctor about whether or not you should wear a mask during labor and delivery.

Can I have Visitors with Me when I Give Birth?

Ask your healthcare provider about their visitor policies for mothers in labor. You’ll likely be limited to one support person in the delivery room/maternity ward with you for the duration of your hospital stay. This visitor could be a family member, a friend, a member of the adoptive family, a doula, your adoption caseworker, etc.

Visitors will be screened for symptoms. They must wear a face covering and follow all other public health and hospital guidelines. Check with your hospital to figure out when visitors are allowed to visit and which hospital entrance they should use.

Ask your caseworker and healthcare provider about options to video chat so more people can be virtually present for the birth of your baby.

How Long will I Stay in the Hospital?

You’ll be discharged as soon as safely possible to minimize your time spent at the hospital. Returning home quickly protects your health and prevents exposure to COVID-19. Your care team will ensure that you are in good health and fully ready to be discharged before you are sent home.

The Family Adopting My Baby doesn’t Live Locally. How is COVID-19 affecting their Travel Plans?

These days, traveling is more complicated. Taking a flight, riding a bus or train or driving can increase the risk of getting or spreading COVID-19. If your adoptive family is traveling from out of town to meet your baby at the hospital, they will need to find a transportation solution that follows public health requirements for safe travel. Your hospital and your caseworker will ensure that your baby is safely delivered to the adoptive parents.

How COVID-19 Affects Adoption in Missouri: You can Still Choose Adoption

We may be in the middle of a pandemic, but our adoption agency is still operating and providing the same services and support for birth mothers. At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we are here to help you with your unplanned pregnancy and keep you healthy. COVID-19 may understandably cause some worries, frustrations, or difficulties as you go through the adoption process, but you can still safely choose to place your baby for adoption in a loving home.

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

An avid NBA fan, Zoë lives in Sacramento, the primary reason anyone would root for the Kings. She holds out hope that they will make it to the playoffs during her lifetime.

Baby Safe Haven or Missouri Adoption Plan

Birth Mother Blog

Baby Safe Haven or Adoption Plan: Choosing a Path for Adoption in Missouri that Works for You

August 19, 2020 Adoption Choices of Missouri

Baby Safe Haven or Adoption Plan: Choosing a Path for Adoption in Missouri that Works for You

By Zoë Bowlus

If you’re unexpectedly pregnant, you might be thinking about Giving a child up for adoption. Maybe you aren’t able to care for a baby. You might not feel ready to be a parent. Maybe you don’t want to be a parent (right now or ever). Whatever the reason, you are not alone: Birth mothers choose adoption for a variety of reasons.

When it comes to adoption in Missouri, you have a couple of options to ensure that your baby ends up in a safe and caring home: a baby safe haven or an adoption plan.

Here’s what you need to know about these two different paths to adoption:

What is a Baby Safe Haven?

A baby safe haven is a location where you can safely and legally leave your baby. Baby safe havens include hospitals, fire stations, police stations, ambulance stations, maternity homes and pregnancy centers. You must give your baby to a baby safe haven provider, which is a person who works or volunteers at one of these locations.

The baby safe haven provider will accept physical custody of your baby and ensure that your baby receives care. The baby safe haven provider will then notify the child welfare department, which will arrange for the adoption of your baby.

How the Baby Safe Haven Option Works in Missouri

Here’s what you need to know about the Safe Place for Newborns Law in Missouri:

Your baby must be 45 days old (1.5 months) or younger.
Your baby must be unharmed and show no signs of abuse.
As a birth parent, you are guaranteed anonymity. You do not need to provide any identifying information about yourself or your baby. If you wish, you may disclose helpful health information.
When you leave your child with a baby safe haven provider, you permanently relinquish your parental rights and you consent to adoption.
If you safely and voluntarily leave your baby with a designated professional at a baby safe haven, you are protected from prosecution for child abandonment or child endangerment.

Here is the list of baby safe haven providers in Missouri:

Law enforcement officer
Firefighter
EMT (Emergency Medical Technician)
Hospital staff member or volunteer
Maternity home or pregnancy center staff member or volunteer

If you bring your baby to a location other than a hospital, the provider will take your baby to the nearest hospital for medical treatment and care.

The Children’s Division of the Missouri Department of Social Services will ensure that your baby is placed with a loving and caring family.

Adoption Choices of Missouri is a baby safe haven. You can leave your baby with us at our agency located at: 4435 Main St. #920, Kansas City, MO.

Pros of the Baby Safe Haven Option in Missouri

You can safely leave your baby knowing that he or she will be protected and cared for.
You are protected from liability for child abandonment, neglect or endangerment.
You do not need to reveal your identity yourself or provide any information to anyone. No questions asked. No paperwork or contracts necessary.
Your baby will be safe and placed in a permanent home.

Creating Your Adoption Plan

An adoption plan involves figuring out your preferences for your baby’s adoption. You get to choose the family who adopts your baby. You get to choose how much you stay in touch with your child and the adoptive family.

Choosing an Adoption Arrangement

It is up to you how involved you’ll be in your child’s life post-adoption. You decide how much contact you’ll have with your child and the adoptive parents. There are three types of adoption to choose from that vary in level of privacy and communication: closed, semi-open, and open. There are pros and cons to each type. There’s no right or wrong decision. You get to decide what works best for you.

Here are some questions to consider:

- Do you want to keep your birth mother’s identity confidential?
- Do you prefer to have no contact with the family who adopts your child? Or do you want to meet the adoptive family and communicate with them directly?
- Do you want to receive updates about how your child is doing post-adoption? If so, how frequently?

Choosing the Adoptive Family

As the Birth Parent, you can think about what you want in an adoptive family. These are some characteristics to consider when choosing the family you think can provide the best life for your baby:

- Family form and size: Do you want your baby to be adopted by a single parent? An LGBTQ family? A transracial family? Does it matter to you if the adoptive family already has children?
- Lifestyle, culture, and values: Where does the adoptive family live? What is their employment? What hobbies and interests do they have? What are their values and beliefs?

Your adoption caseworker will show you profiles of families hoping to adopt. All adoptive parents have passed screening tests, interviews, and background checks. Additionally, they’ve received adoption and parenting training.

- You will look at pictures of the families and learn all about them. Then you will choose a family that matches what you’re looking for.

Remember, your Birth Parent Counselor will be there to help you make these choices.

Pros of an Adoption Plan

An adoption plan involves you throughout the entire adoption process.
You select the family that will adopt your baby.
You can control how much contact you have with the adoptive family and your child.
An adoption plan ensures your baby will be loved and cared for in a permanent home.

Baby Safe Haven or Adoption Plan?

Whatever adoption choice you make, your baby will be safe and end up in a stable and loving family. At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we are here for you as you make decisions about your unplanned pregnancy, whether you want to bring your newborn to a baby safe haven or develop an adoption plan.

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