Birth Mother Blog

All about Adoptees: The Children of the Adoption Process

All about Adoptees: The Children of the Adoption Process

By Moki Murillo


What does adoption mean for my child? Many birth mothers have that thought after realizing that they are having an unplanned pregnancy. Contrary to popular belief, most birth mothers do care about their children. Although they have good reasons to give their child up for adoption, it is hard not to worry. After all, another family would be taking custody of their child.

Even if the birth mother is updated regularly, they won’t always know what their child is feeling. Is the child happy? Are they sad? How do they feel about their birth mother?

At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we understand how pressing these concerns are for most birth mothers. We also understand that knowing more about the adoption process itself can put more of these worries at ease. Thankfully, our adoption agency has much experience in this field and is more than willing to share.

How to Start the Adoption Process in Missouri

To begin the adoption process, your first step is to contact one of our adoption agencies in Missouri. For  Adoption Choices of Missouri, this means calling or texting us via the number found on our website. This will allow you to schedule a meeting with one of our birth parent specialists. After bringing proof of pregnancy, your specialist will then provide you with the paperwork to form your adoption plan.

Your adoption plan can allow you to begin screening possible adoptive families for your baby. As the birth mother, you get the final word on who gets to take your baby home. If you are eligible, your adoption plan can cover any reasonable living and medical expenses. This can include prenatal care with regular visits to a doctor. If needed, we can even provide you with free temporary housing.

Once the adoption plan is formed, you can then wait for your due date to arrive. In the meantime, you can continue communicating with both your birth parent specialist and the adoptive family.

When your due date arrives, your specialist should be present at the hospital to advocate for you as needed. Once the baby is born, the adoptive family of your choice will take the baby home. Your specialist will then schedule a court date for you to officially consent to the adoption. 

If you are pursuing an open adoption, you can begin communication with your child’s adoptive family. At the bare minimum, you should receive letters and pictures from your adoption specialist. We will also continue to pay for your expenses for six weeks after delivery. This is how the adoption process should proceed, but what does that mean for your child?

The Adoptees of the Adoption Process

In open adoptions, birth mothers are able to keep up to date on their child. Arrangements can be made to allow the birth mother to be involved in their child’s life. They could even meet their child if the adoptive parents consent. Most birth mothers choose open adoptions for this reason, but they often raise a number of concerns. The following are their most asked questions.

How Will My Child Feel About Their Adoption?

These days, most adoptive parents inform their children of their adoption status as soon as they can understand it. The “big adoption reveal” is not as dramatic in modern times as popular media would suggest. That being said, some adoptive parents are known to delay that reveal for as long as they can. Regardless of when they learn the truth, this information does have the potential to shake adoptees. Being put up for adoption does raise questions for them.

  • “What does being adopted mean for me?” 
  • “Does that mean that I was unwanted?” 
  • “What should I do with this information?”

In our experience, adoptees are more likely to adjust if they can talk to their birth parents. After the initial shock, most adoptees become curious. At worst, they feel lost, but they are rarely angry. Oftentimes, they just want answers about their past and their identity. This is especially true if the adoptive family is from another culture, race, or ethnic group. Your child might  be navigating between different identities and may struggle to find a place for themselves. Having an open and supportive birth parent can help your child make peace with themselves sooner. You can even advise their adoptive parents if your child wants to explore your culture.

Regardless of their circumstances, adoptees have the right to their original birth certificate, citizenship, personal information, and history. Many adoptees may want this information, but it can be lost. In that case, it would mean a lot to your child if you could help provide this information.

While delivering this information to your child in person is ideal, you can choose to keep your distance. The adoptive parents can help you as intermediaries, or you can communicate with your child remotely.

What Should I Tell My Child if They Ask About Their Adoption?

If your child asks why you couldn’t keep them, then your best course of action is to be honest. Tell your child about the circumstances of their birth and why adoption was necessary. You should tell them that you love them. The choice was difficult, but you believe that the family they have now can give them a better future. And if you can, tell them you are there if they need you.

What Does Adoption Mean for You and Your Child?

Giving your child up for adoption is never an easy choice. Trying to have a relationship with your child can be even harder. If you want to pursue a less open or even closed adoption, we will not condemn you. While we offer our advice, each adoption is a unique case with no real guarantees on the adoptee’s feelings. You know yourself and your own circumstances better than anyone. If you believe that not being involved is for the best, then you know what you have to do. 

However, if you don’t feel that way, then at least keep our advice in mind. Your child may likely have questions about themselves that only you can answer. While your child will always love their adoptive family, that doesn’t mean that it has to be exclusive. You might be able to earn that love if you put in the effort.

If you need help putting your baby up for adoption, then call or text Adoption Choices of Missouri today.

Birth Mother Blog

How the Adoption Process Works in Missouri

How the Adoption Process Works in Missouri

By Moki Murillo

Pregnancy, especially an unplanned pregnancy, can change a woman’s life forever. Unfortunately, not everyone is willing or even able to handle the responsibility of raising children.

Have you recently received a positive pregnancy test but are not ready to raise the child? Then perhaps you should have your child put up for adoption.

You may instinctively recoil at the suggestion. After all, society tells us that giving children up for adoption is essentially the same as abandoning them. However, this is far from the case. Adoption Choices of Missouri has worked with many birth mothers in our time in the field. We know that most birth mothers are self-aware of their own circumstances and are thinking about their child’s future. Unfortunately, the subject of adoption has been littered by stereotypes and misinformation over the years.

Our agency wants to help change that. Hopefully, knowing more about the adoption process will help you consider the option in a fair and honest light.

The Adoption Process

To begin, you must first make contact with one of our adoption agencies in Missouri. You can call or text the agency via the number found on our website. Our representative will then schedule a meeting with one of our birth parents specialists. You need to bring proof of pregnancy, but afterward, your specialist will help you make an adoption plan.

Your adoption plan will allow you to screen through potential adoptive families and choose which one adopts your baby. You can interview these families personally, and this communication can even be regular throughout your pregnancy. However, these benefits are only available to certain adoption types. If you don’t want any contact with the adoptive family after placement, then choose closed adoptions. Open adoptions, however, allow you to have a relationship with the adoptive family. You might even have the chance to meet your child if both you and the adoptive parents consent. There are even semi-open adoptions, which allow you to receive updates on your child without ever meeting them.

While you are pregnant, you need to keep up with doctor’s appointments and stay in touch with your specialist. At your due date, your specialist should be present at the hospital to act as your advocate as needed. Once the baby is born, your chosen adoptive family will take your child home. Your birth parent specialist will then schedule a court date, where you will officially consent to the adoption.

Our Adoption Services

These are the basic steps of our adoption process, but our service doesn’t end there. Adoption Choices of Missouri is an agency that cares for its birth mothers. If you are eligible, you can access services that should lighten your burden during this often difficult process.

1. Financial Assistance During Adoption

First thing’s first, you will not get paid for adoption. That is both a common myth and very illegal in this country. The adoption process itself is actually free for birth mothers like you.

If you are eligible, your adoption plan can even cover your living and medical expenses within reason. Reasonable living expenses include rent, utilities, groceries, phone service, transportation, and maternity clothes. Additionally, your plan can also cover prenatal care.

Of course, how much financial assistance you will receive will depend on your circumstances. A birth mother living with their parents probably won’t receive as much as a single mother already raising children. The former is likely already supported financially, which is by their parents in this case. We also understand that these circumstances can change within nine months. In that case, contact your birth parent specialist to get the assistance you need.

2. Legal Assistance During Adoption

Adoption in Missouri, like in all other states, is a process that is tied to legal systems. In our experience, any number of legal complications can halt the adoption process. For example, the father of your child might refuse to consent to the adoption. You would most likely need to take the issue to court, and it can be costly.

Thankfully, our adoption agency is willing to advocate for you if such a thing were to happen. If you are eligible, we can cover your adoption-related legal expenses. We can even provide you with legal counseling, but we hope that it won’t come to that. 

Adoption can be a difficult process for the birth mother, after all. The last thing we want is for you to face more hardships.

3. Mental Health Support During Adoption

Giving a child up for adoption isn’t easy for the birth mother. Many of the birth mothers we worked with agonized for days before making this decision. While they understand that they have good reason to choose adoption, feelings of regret and anxiety can linger. These feelings can even worsen with pregnancy hormones and conditions like postpartum depression.

These reasons and more are why we offer free mental health support as part of your adoption plan. If you are eligible, your mental healthcare expenses can be covered by your plan. In addition to one-on-one therapy, we can even provide group therapies and support groups.

4. Continued Support After Adoption

Adoption Choices of Missouri understands that a birth mother’s struggles often do not end after placement. For example, you might need continued mental health support if you suffer from postpartum depression. Thankfully, our adoption agency supports birth mothers even after placement is done. 

Your adoption plan can cover your reasonable living and medical expenses for six weeks after placement. If you are eligible, you can even arrange to have continued support after this time passes. For example, we can cover therapy sessions if you have an episode during one of your child’s milestones.

Adoption Choices cares for its birth mothers, so don’t be afraid to reach out.

Choosing Adoption in Missouri

This decision won’t be an easy one. Even if you have the best reasons in the world, your emotions may not always comply with your needs. You will most likely have lows or bad days during this pregnancy. Thankfully, you won’t have to endure these challenges alone.

Our agency will support you at every step of the process. If you are eligible, we will take care of your budget and help to lessen your mental burdens. We could even advocate for you. And best of all, you have the right to be involved in every step of the adoption process. With Adoption Choices, you are allowed to do whatever you need to secure your child’s future.

If you are pregnant and in need of adoption services, call or text Adoption Choices of Missouri today.

Birth Mother Blog

All about Birth Mothers – who chooses adoption, why, facts, myths, etc.

Adoption and the Birth Mothers Who Make it Possible

By Moki Murillo


What is a birth mother? When it comes to adoption, the birth mother is the biological parent of a child. They are the parent who gives birth to a child and then hands custody over to an adoptive family. Over the years, there have been many misconceptions about the adoption process. Unfortunately, many of these myths are actively harmful to the people involved in adoption, especially birth mothers.

Many people have the unfortunate impression that adoption involves people paying birth mothers for custody of their babies. This practice is actually illegal. While birth mothers don’t get paid, adoptive parents often cover the mother’s living and medical expenses during pregnancy. This is usually done through an adoption agency. 

Adoption Choices of Missouri is one of those agencies. Birth mothers come to us for many reasons. Often, they are suddenly faced with an unplanned pregnancy and find themselves unable to raise a child. If you find yourself having similar circumstances, then perhaps you should consider adoption as an option.

The Adoption Process

To begin, you must first choose between the adoption agencies near you and make contact with a representative. For Adoption Choices of Missouri, you can call or text via the number found on our website. This will get you in contact with an adoption specialist. Provided you have proof of pregnancy, your birth parent specialist will arrange a meeting either in person or remotely. While adoption is our agency’s specialty, your specialist will walk you through all of your options.

Should you choose adoption, you will be provided with the paperwork needed to devise an adoption plan. Your adoption plan can cover certain living and medical expenses if you are eligible. You can also choose the adoptive family that will take custody of your baby. Prior to your due date, you can also form a hospital plan, which includes your preferred method of birth. This hospital plan can even include who gets to be present at the birth and who names the baby. 

Now that you know how to begin the adoption process, you might ask if it is right for you. Is it even the right thing to do? These questions are on the mind of every birth mother we work with. Sharing some of their truths might help put a good number of those concerns at ease.

Facts About the Birth Mothers of the Adoption Process

1. Birth Mothers Don’t “Give Up” When They Choose Adoption

A common stereotype is the idea that mothers who choose adoption essentially abandon their children. Unfortunately, adoption still has a negative association in our society, and much of it is levied on birth mothers. This implication of selfishness might be why you are hesitant about adoption. However, the women who choose adoption aren’t what the rumors imply.

Many birth mothers who reach out to us do so because they have circumstances outside of their control. Some birth mothers are low-income, are between homes, or even come from abusive environments. Others are in school or have demanding careers that won’t allow them the time to raise a child. Whatever their circumstances, the one thing that they have in common is that they care for their babies.

The birth mothers that we work with are deeply concerned about the well-being of their child. They choose adoption because they understand that another family can afford to give their child a better life. Proof of this comes with the fact that many birth mothers we work with choose their child’s adoptive family carefully. They want to ensure that their child’s new family is both ready for the responsibility and shares their values.

These women are thoughtful and responsible, not selfish. If you have similar circumstances, then neither are you.

2. Not All Who Choose Adoption are the Same

Another common misconception about birth mothers is that they are all either irresponsible teenagers or otherwise unstable. Adoption is also unfairly associated with only the types of people that society deems unworthy of childrearing. 

In our experience, however, birth mothers come in all shapes and sizes. While many are young and single, some of the birth mothers we work with are already married. Some might already have children of their own, but their current circumstances won’t allow them to raise any more. 

Just because your circumstances aren’t as dire as other birth mothers doesn’t preclude you from choosing adoption, your reasons for considering adoption are just as valid as you are putting your child’s future first.

3. Adoption isn’t Losing Your Child Forever

Just because someone else is taking custody of your baby doesn’t necessarily mean they are lost to you forever. Adoption in Missouri, like in every other state, can come in multiple forms.

The type that most people think of is closed adoption, where there is no contact with the adoptive family. In our experience, however, most birth mothers choose open adoptions instead. This type of adoption allows the birth mother to receive updates about their child. There is even the possibility that the birth mother can see their child. While the adoptive parents retain legal custody, you could still be part of your child’s life should you wish.

Do You Want to Take Part of Adoption in Missouri?

Birth mothers are the reason why the adoption process is even possible in the first place. While adoption can be a difficult option to consider, birth mothers are the ones brave enough to confront it. Although choosing adoption often comes with heartache and anxiety, it might be the best decision for your child. You are not a bad person for wanting to give your child a better future.

If you decide that adoption is the right thing for your child, please contact Adoption Choices of Missouri today. Out of all the adoption agencies near you, we promise the most caring support for all our birth mothers.

Si necesita ayuda con la adopción de bebés, comuníquese con Adoption Choices of Missouri hoy.