Dealing with Adoption Loss as a Birth Mother

May 23, 2022 Adoption Choices of Missouri

Dealing with Adoption Loss as a Birth Mother

By Kelly Paczkowski

You have considered all of the options for you and your baby and finally have chosen to create an adoption plan. However, while you are confident in your decision to give your child a great future, you are also aware of how difficult and emotional it could be. Dealing with loss as a birth mother is part of the process.

Many birth mothers are not prepared for the feelings of loss and grief that they may feel after the adoption is finalized. While you are excited to see your child with their new adoptive family and know that they will be well cared for and loved, it is still a loss. At Adoption Choices of Missouri, our local adoption agency is here to help you deal with grief and loss and benefit your child and you.

Grieving After Your Adoption Journey

Grief can show up in many different ways. It can show up as anger, denial, sadness, or anxiety, just to name a few. All these emotions can seem overwhelming, but you can learn how to come to terms with your feelings with the proper support and coping skills.

Your emotions can seem scary, and they can show up at any time. Just know that you are not alone, and it is okay to express your feelings. It is healthy for you to express your emotions. However, suppressing them can build up and cause unhealthy consequences. What does that look like? You may need to speak with an adoption specialist, counselor, or professional therapist. Or you may even need some space to heal right after placement.

If you are not in a place where you feel comfortable speaking with a professional, then try speaking with supportive family or friends. The encouragement that those who love and support you will make you feel better.

Finding an Outlet to Help You with Post-Placement Emotions

You can do many things to relieve the stress you feel. First, make sure you get plenty of sleep and live a healthy lifestyle. Keeping your body healthy will also help your emotional and mental health. When we feel good on the inside, it can make us feel good on the outside.

Birth mothers will try many things that they find helps them with the grieving process. Many can find healthy strategies to cope. Below find a few examples that may help:

Try Yoga
Take up running or walking
Make time for supportive family and friends
Hang out with loved ones
Try drawing or painting
Take up writing
Let your emotions out, have a good cry

These things can be the perfect outlet for your feelings of loss and help you obtain balance.

Give Yourself Time To Grieve After an Adoption

It may sound cliche, but time can heal. Give yourself time to accept. Just like the adoption, grieving is a process. You will need time to come to terms with your adoption journey and be aware that these feelings will not come and go easily. Everyone has a different reaction to grief and loss, so the healing process will be different also. Some may require more time to heal than others, and there is no timeframe for healing.

Be Kind to Yourself During the Adoption Process

Always remember to be kind to yourself. No one needs to hear this more than a recent birth mother. You have just done the most courageous thing in your life by placing a child for adoption. You deserve a lot of kindness and, most of all, self-forgiveness. Many women can also experience feelings of guilt, but being able to forgive and love yourself will help you heal.

There will be times when you may not feel grief and loss, and sometimes it may hit you when you least expect it. Either way, just know that you are not alone and that it is okay to have those feelings.

Just make sure you can reach out for help, should you need it. There is always someone to help you find the support that you need. Only then will you be able to find peace and acceptance of your grief.

Our Adoption Specialist will Help You When Dealing with Loss as a Birth Mother

Our adoption specialists at Adoption Choices of Missouri can come to meet you. We treat birth mothers with dignity and respect. Our adoption representatives are willing to answer any questions you may have. There is no obligation, just answers.

If you have an unplanned pregnancy and are thinking about placing your newborn for adoption, please call/text at (816) 527-9800 or email us. We are willing to work with any birth mother.

Adoption Guilt: Will I Feel Guilty Placing My Newborn for Adoption?

May 16, 2022 Adoption Choices of Missouri

Adoption Guilt: Will I Feel Guilty Placing My Newborn for Adoption?

By Kelly Paczkowski

Adoption has grown in popularity as a great way to grow a family. This entails a birthmother, for whatever her reasons, needing to come up with an adoption plan. You may not be in a place in your life to raise a child, and that is okay. Even if you have already decided to place your newborn up for adoption or have decided that it is not right for you, adoption representatives will be glad to answer your questions. They can guide you through the process and even help you find services that you might need. While we cannot answer the above question for everyone, the answer, for the majority, is yes. There may be feelings of guilt when placing a baby for adoption. You may feel guilty for having fun with your friends or buying yourself something you deserve. You may ask yourself, “Why should I be having fun when I choose to place my baby for adoption?” At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we help you understand that because you chose adoption does not mean you don’t deserve to feel happy or feel adoption guilt.

Coming Up With An Adoption Plan

Your act was the most courageous thing to do. Placing your baby’s needs over your own is brave. While that should be the case, many birthmothers cannot help but feel this way. Even though placing a baby up for adoption is one of the most selfless things you can do, there are still a lot of negative thoughts surrounding birth mothers giving their baby up for adoption. However, it is not so much about giving up as it gives them a chance at life.

Find Adoption and Birth Mother Support

Make sure you can surround yourself with those who love you. There are many feelings associated when dealing with an unplanned pregnancy. Many women feel overwhelmed, scared, lonely, and even guilty. They may try to deny the feelings of loss or grief they may have. Many birthmothers might not contemplate what happens after the adoption is final and most likely do not understand how they feel. You may still be in need of finding housing or support services.

Of course, every situation is different, and every person is different. Your adoption plan may not be the same as other people’s. That is where adoption agencies near you are a great place to start asking questions. They can even connect you to other birthmothers and support groups.

Practice Kindness During Your Adoption Journey

The most important thing is to remember to be kind to yourself. Adoption, by far, is not the easy option or the easy way out, as many people believe. It is a complicated process, and you must allow yourself to heal. By healing, we mean not just physically but emotionally. You will have feelings that will last for a long time. But with time comes healing and the ability to feel better about the process every day. Some birthmothers experience some relief once they have chosen an adoptive family for placement of their child. Knowing that their child will be well taken care of and brought up in a family with love.

Our Counselors Can Help You Cope With Your Adoption Guilt

Along with all the joy in the adoption process, there can also be a lot of pain. Expressing your feelings can help you finally release some of the grief, guilt, and doubt you may have felt during the journey. Your mental well-being plays a big part in that. Doing things that you enjoy doing can help you to be able to get past the hurt.

Writing in a journal is a great way to express those bottled up emotions
Try drawing or painting
Confiding in a person you trust
Talking with your Adoption Counselor

Of course, we know that you will continue to experience emotions throughout your life, but that does not mean you will never accept your choice. You can be assured you made the best possible decision for you and your child. Your child will grow up with love and support from a family that you were able to pick. You will eventually be able to come to terms and find peace. That is where Adoption Choices of Missouri can help. Our experienced adoption specialists can be with you every step through the adoption process. From beginning to end, we are there for whatever you may need.

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond. Please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll-free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri, call or text us at 816-527-9800

Birth Mother Blog

Common Myths about Missouri Birth Mothers

May 5, 2022 Adoption Choices of Missouri

Common Myths about Missouri Birth Mothers

By Kelly Paczkowski

When you think of adoption and birthmothers, many have a certain image in mind. Many people think of a teenager, and others think of a poverty-stricken birth mother. The truth is that birth mothers can come from anywhere and be anyone. The majority of birth mothers can be in their 20s and 30s. There is such a vast spectrum of what a birth mother is that it can be hard to pinpoint an exact type. Over the years, adoption has become a legitimate way to grow a family, yet misconceptions remain. Unfortunately, it is easy to get a hold of misinformation. But the better educated you are about adoption, the easier the adoption journey will be. We will go over some of the myths about Missouri birth mothers.

Myth 1- Birth mothers are selfish or do not love their child.

This is probably one of the biggest misconceptions about birth mothers, and it could not be farther from the truth. Most women in this position struggle with what to do with an unplanned pregnancy. They may feel at that time in their life. They are unable or unprepared to raise a child. Yet, deciding on an adoption plan is a selfless act. It is one of the hardest decisions anyone has to make. Yet, this is a display of the greatest type of love. The birth mother wants only the best for their child and places their needs over her own.

Myth 2- All Birth Mothers are young

Not all birth mothers are teenagers. Women of all ages decide on an adoption plan for their baby. Birth mothers come from every walk of life and any age. However, there can be women who already have families and are not in a situation where they can care for their child. There are many reasons why a birth mother might decide that they cannot provide a life for a child, but that does not mean they love them any less.

Myth 3- Once a birth mother places newborn a up for adoption, she will not have contact with them

That is not true. Depending on the type of adoption a birth mother chooses, she may still have contact with them. There are a few different options for a birth mother when considering adoption. Open and Semi-Open allow contact between the birth family and the adoptive family. While they differ in the type and quantity of contact, there can still be a connection. A closed adoption is where the birth mother has chosen not to have contact. A birth mother in this situation has her reasons for not wanting contact, but that does not mean she has forgotten her baby. She will undoubtedly think of them often.

Myth 4- Birth Mothers will try to regain custody

While choosing an adoption plan for a child can be a difficult decision to make,

birth mothers have their reasons. It is an emotional process for anyone and, understandably, is hard. Most birth mothers, who have sought out an adoption plan, do not regret doing so. Once the adoption papers are signed, the adoptive family is the child’s legal parents. The adoption representatives at Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri are there to help every step of the way. They are willing to work with the birth mother and adoptive family to answer questions regarding custody.

Myth 5- Missouri Birth Mothers Have to Navigate Pregnancy on Their Own

An unplanned pregnancy for any woman can be a scary and emotional time, especially when you feel alone in the process. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Most birth mothers work through a responsive and trusting agency to work with. An adoption agency near you can help a birth mother plan for everything they need. Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri can help with various resources from financial assistance, pregnancy support, or after-care needs. From beginning to end, an adoption representative will be there to guide you and help answer any questions you may have.

If you are experiencing an unplanned pregnancy, you do not have to go through it alone. We are here to help. Contact Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri. You can call/text at 816-527-9800. Adoption specialists are available to make the adoption process as comfortable and simple as possible.