Can I have a family after placing a baby for adoption?
By Blessing E. Ikhimokpa
Wanting to start a family after previously going through adoption. It isn’t a bad thing. It means you’ve decided to start anew. You want to start a family now, after not wanting to in the past. As people grow up, their past decisions don’t define them anymore. Birth mothers going through an unplanned pregnancy in the past. Doesn’t mean that’s their present. At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we’ll help you overcome any guilt you may feel. About wanting to start a family after placing a baby for adoption. Wanting to start a family doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten the birth child. It means you want a change in your life.
How is it possible to start a family after going through the adoption process?
When it comes to birth mothers wanting to start a family after going through the adoption process. Their main fears are;
- Them being scared they’ll decide to place this new birth child up for adoption
- Wondering how this time is different?
- Questioning if they’re ready to start a family?
- Wondering what will change this time
Being afraid that this time will be like the last. Is normal. Wanting to do things differently is a good thing. After going through the adoption plan, you wonder how this time will differ. This time will be different because it’s not an unplanned pregnancy, and this is what you want. You’ve gone through an unplanned pregnancy before. This isn’t like that time.
Where does adoption guilt come from?
Adoption guilt comes from feeling like you’ve done something wrong. In this situation, the birth mother feels they shouldn’t have gone through the adoption process. But keeping a birth child while going through an unplanned pregnancy. It will only end negatively for the birth child.
Guilt stems from feeling like you’ve given the birth child up. When it comes to adoption, you’re giving the birth child a better life. If you didn’t go through the adoption and decided you wanted to start a family in the future. The birth child who was an unplanned pregnancy will feel left behind.
If you’re feeling guilty about placing your birth child up for adoption. You can visit your local adoption agency and ask if you could speak to one of the counselors at their facility.
Should I feel guilty for wanting to start a family after previously going through the adoption process?
It’s not uncommon for birth mothers to want to start a family. After they’ve placed a child up for adoption. When the birth mother was going through an unplanned pregnancy. They weren’t planning on starting a family. Now they are.
There’s nothing to feel guilty about. Wanting to start a family after not wanting to in the past. It isn’t abnormal. It’s a common thing. However, when it comes to why birth mothers place their birth child up for adoption, it’s usually because it was an unplanned pregnancy.
As a result, one of the birth mother’s options is adoption. Placing a child up for adoption doesn’t mean you’re Giving a child up for adoption. It means you’re giving them a chance to be with people who will care for them.
What are some reasons to feel guilty about placing a child up for adoption?
Some reasons birth mothers may feel guilty about the adoption process are:
- They’re thinking about what the birth child will feel/think about them
- They‘re wondering if they did the right thing
- They’re wondering if the adoption parent (s) will treat them well
- Wondering if it’ll be the last time they see them?
When going through the adoption process, you might start to feel guilty. Don’t worry. If you’re pregnant and considering adoption, you can look up Adoption in Missouri, and you’ll find our agency.
How to overcome the feeling of guilt after placing a child up for adoption?
To be at peace with placing the birth child up for adoption. Birth mothers can try:
- Group therapy
- Going on trips with friends or by themselves
Will the child that’s been adopted come to know I’ve started a family?
They’ll only know if they’ve been told by someone close to them. Or the birth mother. But it also depends on the type of adoption that was chosen. In an open adoption, the birth mother could have told them. While in closed adoption or semi-closed, the adoptive parent (s) wouldn’t know. So they wouldn’t be able to share the news.
Will the child that’s been adopted feel betrayed because I want to start a family?
Depending on the relationship the birth mother has with the birth child. Will determine this. If the birth mother has chosen to go with a closed adoption. It won’t be possible for the birth child to feel anything towards the news. But if the birth mother has chosen open adoption and hasn’t told the birth child. Then maybe the birth child will feel betrayed. In an open adoption, there’s that sense of constant communication.
Feeling guilty about wanting to start a family after previously going through the adoption process? Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond. Please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll-free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 816-527-9800