Birth Mother Blog

4 Tips to Help Birth Mothers Select Adoptive Parents in Missouri

4 Tips to Help Birth Mothers Select Adoptive Parents in Missouri

By Sofia Becker

If you’re considering giving a child up for adoption, selecting adoptive parents in Missouri can seem a daunting task. It’s okay to feel terrified or cautious about this part of your journey of adoption in Missouri. Feeling overwhelmed is natural too. After all, you want what’s best for your child because you love them. You want him or her to be placed in a good home with a loving family. However, that doesn’t mean the decision-making process is going to be easy. There is a lot involved, and you may have many questions or concerns about it.

Don’t worry. Your adoption caseworker will be with you every step of the way. Any preferences or requests you have to help you select your child’s adoptive parents, let them know and they will do their best to find the right fit for you and your child. Be mindful that no adoptive family will be “perfect,” but it’s possible to find a couple or individual who will love, cherish and support your child with all their heart.

  1. Be Specific about What You’re Looking for

When selecting your child’s adoptive parents, you may have a lot of things you’re looking for. Create a written list before speaking with your caseworker to effectively narrow down the options most important to you. For instance, if you were raised in a religious home, and you’d like the same for your child, let your caseworker know. Or, if you prefer that he or she weren’t in a religious home, make a note of that too. Be as clear as you can from the beginning. It is important to find an adoptive family who lives the kind of life you want for your child. 

Another thing to specify is whether or not you want your child to grow up around other siblings, or be an only child. This in itself can make a world of difference. If you grew up as an only child and longed for other siblings, then it would be only natural for you to want something different for your child. Similarly, with other aspects of family life. Do you want your child’s adoptive family to have a cat or dog? Do you want them to live in a big city or a small town? There are many areas to consider.

  1. Get to Know the Adoptive Parents

An important piece of finding the best adoptive family is figuring out whether or not you want to have contact with them or your child after the adoption has been finalized. There are three different levels of openness to choose from — open, semi-open, and closed. Each option has its benefits and drawbacks, which are essential to discuss and think about.

Our agency encourages open adoptions because we feel this type of adoption is in the best interest of everyone in the adoption triad. However, we understand that every birth mother has her motivations behind placing her baby for adoption and that she may choose a particular type for a specific reason. If you wish to get to know your child’s adoptive parents, look into the open and semi-open adoption agreements and see which one fits you the best. Getting to know your child’s adoptive parents can help ease your anxiety, give you much-needed comfort and ensure that your adoption journey runs more smoothly overall.

  1. Distance is Something to be Considered

If your child’s adoptive parents live in a different state, and you are thinking about open adoption, discuss how future visits would go and what they would look like. Living within driving distance when getting to know your child and their adoptive parents helps to build a solid relationship. However, this can’t always happen. As the adoptive parents what other options they would be comfortable with — phone, email, text, or through virtual programs such as ZOOM or FaceTime. Talk about how many times a week/month/year you can be in contact.

Having open communication, asking questions, and addressing concerns early on is key to establishing mutual respect and trust with each other. 

  1. It takes Time to Find the Right Adoptive Parents

There is no need to rush through your decision-making process. It takes time to get to know the right adoptive parents to raise your child. Your caseworker will provide you with profile photo books of potential adoptive parents. This will help you narrow down who you’d like to meet later on. If this takes you a little while, that’s ok. There is no pressure. Choosing your child’s adoptive parents isn’t something that can be taken lightly.

When you are ready to meet your potential choice, be sure to write down a list of questions. Talk with your adoption caseworker about what questions would and wouldn’t be best to ask. We want you to feel comfortable, secure, and confident in your choice.

Choosing Who Will Raise Your Child

In the end, it might be hard to find navigate, but Adoption Choices of Missouri is here to help you find the right way to select your child’s adoptive parents. There is a lot to consider in making decisions and seeing if this is something that you want to do. Thinking about what you want for your child takes time. In the end, though, it will all be worth it.