Questions to Ask LGBT Adoptive Parents

“Family” is often defined by what society considers “traditional”: a husband, a wife and their biological child(ren). But at Adoption Choices of Missouri, we celebrate all families. It doesn’t matter whether a family is made up of a mom and a dad, two moms, two dads or a single parent. It doesn’t matter whether a family is formed through adoption. It doesn’t matter whether a parent is heterosexual or LGBT. All that matters is that the family members are focused on loving, supporting and caring for each other.  

As you’re looking through profiles of prospective adoptive parents, it’s important to think about what you’re looking for in an adoptive family. What type of family do you think is best suited to love and raise your child? You may find that an LGBT family is the perfect fit for you and your preferences. Before you match, here are some questions to ask LGBT adoptive parents

Family and Relationships 

You’ll want to learn about the adoptive parents’ family and friends.  

  • Tell me about your family: 
    • Are you close with your family? 
    • Do you have siblings? Do they have children?  
    • What was your childhood like? 
    • Does your family live nearby? Do you visit them often? 
    • Are they supportive of your adoption journey? 
  • Do you have children? If so, were they adopted?
  • Tell me about your social circle:
    • What do you and your friends like to do when you spend time together? 
    • How do your friends support you? 
    • Are you friends with people who have children? With other families who have adopted? With other LGBT families? 
  • For two-parent families: 
    • How did you meet? 
    • What do you admire about each other? 
    • How have you overcome any judgement or discrimination about your relationship? 
      • How would you teach my child to embrace diverse family forms? 

Education and Employment

  • What level of education did you achieve? What did you study? 
  • What do you do for work? 
    • How will you juggle work and parenting responsibilities? 
  • How will you teach my child the importance of education? 
  • Are there good schools in your neighborhood? 

Parenthood and Parenting

Ask prospective adoptive parents about their parenting goals and philosophies. 

  • Why do you want to be a parent? 
    • If you already have children, tell me about your parenthood experience. Why do you want to grow your family through adoption? 
    • If you don’t have children, what experience do you have with children (e.g. babysitting, nieces and nephews)? 
  • Why is adoption important to you? 
  • What qualities do you have that will make you a good parent? 
  • How would you describe your parenting style? 
  • How will you create a family identity? 
    • What values will you emphasize? 
    • How will you discuss what family means with my child? 
  • How will you show my child that you love him or her? 
  • What opportunities can you offer my child? 
    • What activities will you expose them to? 

Diversity and Identity 

LGBT parents may have experienced prejudice or other difficulties because of their sexual orientation. Their life experiences may result in a strong sense of self and especially inclusive definitions of family and love, excellent qualities in an adoptive parent. 

  • What adversities have you faced as an LGBT individual? How did you overcome this adversity? How have they made you a stronger individual and how will these life experiences affect your parenting?  
    • How will you foster self-esteem in my child? 
    • How will you teach my child to love themselves and others? 
  • How will you support my child if he or she experiences teasing or discrimination about their adoption or their family? How will you defend your family structure? How will you teach my child to respond to outsiders’ questions about his or her family?  
  • How do you plan to teach my child to be resilient in the face of challenges?
  • How will you encourage my child to communicate about their feelings and struggles? 
  • How will you teach my child to celebrate diversity? How will create an open-minded home and safe environment? 
  • How will you instill the importance of equality, respect and acceptance in your household? 
  • What type of relationship do you envision with the birth mother? 
    • What type of relationship do you want my child to have with his or her birth mother? 
      • How will you refer to me (e.g. birth mom/mother/parent)? 
  • How will you talk to my child about adoption? 
    • How will you include adoption in my child’s family origin story? 
    • How will you ensure my child feels confident and comfortable about their identity as an adoptee? 

Questions to Ask LGBT Adoptive Parents: Is This Family a Good Fit for Me and My Baby?

These are some questions to ask LGBT adoptive parents that will help you figure out if they are the right match for you. Don’t hesitate to ask your caseworker for guidance and don’t be afraid to ask prospective parents any questions you are curious about. Choosing an adoptive family is a big decision, and you want to make sure you’re confident that the family you match with will treat you and your child with care and respect. 

Remember that all adoptive parents at Adoption Choices of Missouri have been screened and vetted. They are approved to raise your child in their safe and loving home. Now it’s up to you to figure out which adoptive family you connect with. 

At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we are here to help you find the right adoptive family, no matter the shape or size. Every adoptive family’s story is unique and special. LGBT adoptive parents might just fit perfectly into your remarkable and courageous adoption story.    

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the AuthorZoë Bowlus, a writing and editing enthusiast, considers herself a grammar groupie and suffers from a weakness for wordplay and working with words, whether she is reading, furiously typing away, playing Words with Friends, or filling in the Sunday New York Times crossword puzzle.  

She was adopted from Vietnam as a baby and began exploring her adoptee identity in Asian American Studies and Communication courses at UC Santa Barbara. As she combed through adoption literature for her last essay of college (she graduated with highest honors in 2020), she was inspired to use the research, editing, and writing skills she developed in college and her personal experience to create resources and share stories about adoption in a professional context. Writing for Adoption Choices, Zoë hopes to support people on their adoption journeys and to grow as an adoptee herself. 

Zoë is an aspiring cat lady who is allergic to cats. She enjoys curling up with homemade hot chocolate, kettle corn, and a good book but laments the absence of a feline reading companion. Her bedside table and bookshelves are overflowing with World War II historical fiction, Asian American and Mexico-U.S. borderlands fiction, contemporary fiction, grammar and style books, and collections of profiles. She spends an inordinate amount of time playing bridge.  

An avid NBA fan, Zoë lives in Sacramento, the primary reason anyone would root for the Kings. She holds out hope that they will make it to the playoffs during her lifetime.