Birth Mother Blog Putting baby up for adoption

Overcoming Birth Mother Grief and Loss

By Ryan Yau

Adoption is not an easy process. You may be already looking at nearby adoption agencies but are hesitant due to feelings of unease. Some mothers placing their children up for adoption experience feelings of birth mother grief. This is a type of grief caused by separation from your child rather than losing a loved one. Though birth mother grief may be intimidating, it’s important to recognize it as a natural reaction that can be overcome.

What is Birth Mother Grief?

Birth mother grief is a unique type of sadness that occurs when a parent is placing a child for adoption. It is distinct from other types of grief, such as loss, since your child will still be physically around. Separating after the pregnancy process can lead to this feeling of grief. As a mother, you become attached to your child during pregnancy. Therefore it is natural to feel grief due to separation, even if there is no loss in the typical sense.

You may recognize that adoption is the best course of action for you and your child. Even with this in mind, it is still possible to experience birth mother grief. Of course, there is nothing wrong with experiencing these feelings, as they are a natural reaction to separation. But placing your child for adoption can be an intimidating and even scary prospect. However, you don’t need to worry, as the feeling of birth mother grief can ultimately be overcome.

Keeping in Touch With Your Child

One good option for overcoming birth mother grief is to keep in touch with your child. To do this, you may consider choosing an open adoption plan. In an open adoption, the birth mother and adoptive family are able to contact one another. Information is shared between the two parties, so it becomes possible to visit your child after being placed for adoption. This also gives you more control over what family your child will be placed with.

With less uncertainty about your child’s adoptive family, you would feel more reassured about the process. This can help mitigate feelings of birth mother grief, even if you are still physically separated. Having certainty about your child’s life and being able to be around can help relieve some of this stress.

If you are able, visiting your child and keeping in touch with the adoptive family may help with separation fears. The feeling of separation is one of the main causes of birth mother grief. Therefore, staying connected with your child and being part of their life would ease your grief.

If this sounds like a good option for you, adoption agencies in Missouri can help you plan an open adoption. Open adoption can be majorly beneficial to prevent grief, as it provides reassurance about your adoption process.

Strong Support System Even After Adoption

Having a strong support system is pivotal to overcoming birth mother grief. Birth mother grief is common among women who place their children for adoption. You can find and join support groups for birth mothers in Missouri who can provide a sense of community. The feeling is something many women place their children for adoption experience, so it’s best to fight it together. Birth mother grief should not be a burden faced alone.

It’s important to note that all mothers experience birth mother grief differently and to different extents. If your case of birth mother’s grief is particularly severe, you may want to consider seeking a therapist or counselor. A support system is incredibly beneficial, but in such instances, professional counsel can most help in overcoming birth mother grief.

Accepting Birth Mother Grief

Birth mother grief is a natural reaction, and though you can overcome it is a natural response of empathy. You should not feel ashamed for experiencing grief or guilt for placing your child for adoption. If you have decided that adoption is your best course of action, grief is a natural, if irrational, emotional response.

Some parts of birth mother grief can be mitigated, and some cannot. The feeling of birth mother grief should not be expected to disappear instantly. Focusing on the parts you can control is vital to a healthy relationship with grief. Opting for open adoption is an excellent way to remain aware of your child’s well-being. Finding a support group is another way to make sure you are being encouraged at a trying time. These things are in your control and should be taken advantage of.

If you are a woman considering open adoption, Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond. Please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll-free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri, call or text us at 316-391-4904