Birth Mother Blog

Important Questions for a Birth Mother Experiencing an Unplanned Pregnancy to Ask Before Choosing Adoption

By Samara Wiley

As a birth mother experiencing an unplanned pregnancy, you face a lot of unexpected questions. Have you considered all three options: parent your child, terminate your pregnancy, or choose adoption? If you are still weighing the pros and cons of giving a child up for adoption, here are some important questions to ask before placing your baby for adoption in Missouri.

I’m a birth mother experiencing an unplanned pregnancy, and I’m considering adoption for my baby. Where do I begin?  

That’s a great question! You’ll want to do careful research and make sure that you understand all that adoption involves. It is not a decision to be taken lightly. However, you don’t need to go through the adoption journey alone. Adoption Choices of Missouri is here to help! When you contact our agency, we will connect you with one of our Birth Parent Counselors. They’ll discuss all your options in detail and help you make the best decision for you.

If you determine that adoption is the right choice for you and your baby, your adoption caseworker will make sure you receive the respect and care you deserve. They are there to answer all your questions, address your concerns, and help you develop an adoption plan.

What does adoption cost? 

Your adoption journey will not cost you anything! Placing your baby for adoption is free of charge, as is filling out an application and speaking to our counselors and caseworkers. Also, depending on your situation, Adoption Choices of Missouri can offer financial assistance with medical bills, legal services, temporary housing, and court-approved living expenses.

How will I know if the adoptive parents are safe?

Our facility pre-screens our adoption families and makes sure that they have taken the right steps to be considered. We require adoptive families to complete a thorough home study, along with a background check that assesses any risk of criminal activity or child abuse. We thoroughly vet all of our waiting adoptive parents to ensure they’re ready to grow their families. As you and your baby’s health and safety are our top priority, we would never place your child in a family who was not going to give him or her their best chance at life.

To further ensure the best fit possible, you will get to look over profile photo books of potential adoptive parents and select a couple or individual yourself. Your adoption caseworker will walk through this process with you, and help you narrow down any criteria you have for your child and the life you’d like them to live. Do you envision him or her growing up in the city, suburbs, or country? Our caseworker will do their best to present profiles that fit within the family dynamic and lifestyle that you want for your child.

Can I stay in contact with my child after the adoption process?

This largely depends on what level of openness you choose in your adoption plan. There are three options: open, semi-open, and closed. Your adoption caseworker can explain the pros and cons of each, and help you determine the best decision for you.

If you choose either a semi-open or an open adoption plan, then yes — you will be able to have contact with your child and their adoptive parents after the adoption has been finalized. In a semi-open adoption, this can be completed through an online, confidential, and secure portal called ChildConnect. This will allow you and the adoptive parents to exchange letters, updates, and photos with each other.

With open adoption, you can maintain contact through virtual means such as FaceTime, ZOOM, phone, email, or text. You may also be able to visit in person, provided your adoptive parents agree and your child is comfortable with this. Visiting your child in person and with their adoptive family establishes a strong and healthy relationship. It also guarantees that your adoption journey will run more smoothly.

Will my child’s adoptive family love him or her like their biological child?

Yes! Without a doubt! Hopeful adoptive parents choose to open their hearts to a child they can love as their own, despite struggling to build their family biologically. Even if your child may have physical, emotional, or mental issues growing up, their adoptive parents will give them all the love, care, and support they have to offer. 

The soon-to-be adoptive parents are finally getting the family they’ve hoped, dreamed, and prayed for. By selecting them to raise your child, you are helping them fulfill this.  Your child’s adoptive parents will be grateful to you for giving them the gift of parenthood. 

What if my child asks about me later?

When you place your child for adoption, you’ll need to be prepared to answer your child’s questions about their adoption when they are older. To help them understand your reasons and motivations for doing so. Your child may need some time to process the information you give, and that’s completely natural! 

Many of the questions your child asks may bring up a lot of emotions and memories. You’ll need to prepare as best as you can. However, being honest with your child (no matter how painful their questions) will help them better understand why you chose adoption. This will also deepen their trust in you. 

Important Questions for a Birth Mother Experiencing an Unplanned Pregnancy to Ask Before Placing Baby for Adoption

Adoption is a complex and emotional decision, but it is also one of the most rewarding ones you can make. If you are a birth mother experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and are thinking about placing your baby for adoption, know that you are not alone. We are here to support you every step of the way.

Remember — you are doing this because you love your child and want the best for them. Also, no matter what — you will always be their birth mother.