Birth Mother Blog

I Gave My Baby Up for Adoption, Now What?

By Nicole Hatton

Perhaps you’ve just made the decision to place your child up for adoption and created an adoption plan. Maybe you’re experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and want to learn more about the adoption process. Whatever the case, giving a child up for adoption is a major decision. As a birth parent, you may be wondering what you should do next or how to cope with your feelings. Post-adoption can be difficult for any birth parent. Whether you are young, single, or have a complicated relationship with the other parent, it’s valid to experience various emotions. If you’re considering adoption for your baby or want to learn more about the aftermath, here we will cover. . .

  1. Acknowledging Your Emotions After Choosing Adoption
  2. Coping With Your Adoption Journey and Letting Go of Your Baby
  3. Maintaining a Healthy Relationship With The Adoptive Family (If Open Adoption or Semi-Open Adoption Was Chosen)
  4. Personal Goals and Focusing on Yourself After the Adoption Process

Acknowledging Your Emotions After Choosing Adoption

It’s normal to feel a sense of grief, loss, confusion, regret, and more. Whatever emotions arise, don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed. It can be painful to bear with the thought of letting your baby go, and these feelings may stick with you. In order to find peace with your decision, it’s essential to come to terms with any and all emotions. If you do not accept or recognize your true emotions during the adoption process, you may struggle with larger problems in the future.

Give yourself the necessary time to reflect on your choice and consider if you want to reach out for more support. While addressing these feelings, remember that you made this decision out of love and the best interest of your child. Don’t let judgments or misconceptions from others who haven’t personally experienced adoption bring you down. Acknowledging your emotions earlier on would be beneficial to processing and healing.

Coping With Your Adoption Journey and Letting Go of Your Baby

There are a few things that you can do to look after your well-being and process things after adoption. Many adoption agencies, such as Adoption Choices of Missouri, have resources to support you. Adoption in Missouri can provide you with an adoption counselor who will work with you through the adoption process and discuss finances. They can also help you with understanding this decision and dealing with the loss of your child. This service is free and unlimited. However, not all American adoptions are the same, so be sure to double-check with the state you live in.

In addition to counseling, adoption agencies in Missouri will help you find birth mother support groups. You are never alone, and you can connect with other birth mothers to provide each other with support and encouragement. Each group will be different, but you can meet weekly or monthly, depending on what you all agree on. It can be comforting to find others who can relate to you and have that community who may share similar feelings. You can also share stories and talk more about your personal experiences to provide guidance and comfort. 

Another coping mechanism that you can use is journaling. Taking the time to reflect on everything can help you become more self-aware of your emotions and needs. There is no wrong way to go about journaling. Whatever makes you feel the best is the way that you should continue. Whether that is brain dumping, listing out things, doing a letter format, or something else, write whatever comes to mind. Journaling can help you gain clarity and de-stress by getting everything out on paper (unless you prefer a digital method).

Maintaining a Healthy Relationship With The Adoptive Family

If you choose to have an open or semi-open adoption, you can still stay connected with your child and the adoptive family. Having an ongoing relationship can provide you with reassurance and fulfillment for your child’s well-being. Having a healthy relationship with the adoptive family can help you develop a sense of trust as well. You can also ask questions as your child develops and grows older. If you would like to personally visit or talk with your adopted child, you can do so if you would like. If you feel more comfortable just talking to the parents and exchanging pictures, that is a nice option too. Whatever you decide will be up to you, but  Adoption Choices of Missouri will still be here for guidance and support.

Focusing on Yourself After the Adoption Process

After giving your child up for adoption, you may have more free time to focus on yourself. You can set personal goals, which could include studying for a degree, career exploration, or other hobbies and aspirations. You may have other responsibilities to take care of as well. Whatever your future endeavors may be, don’t forget that Adoption Choices of Missouri will still be there for you. No matter how long ago you went through with adoption, you won’t be alone.

Navigating and Adjusting to the Post-Adoption Process

Adoption is a decision that can be a lot to deal with and think about before, during, and after the process. Remember that you are not selfish for this decision or need the time to process everything. Feel free to take the necessary steps outlined in this article to help acknowledge and cope with your emotions. If you wish to stay involved with your child’s life, do so at a level that you feel comfortable with. It could also be a good idea to focus on other activities that you enjoy in your personal life or other goals.

Even if quite some time has passed after your adoption process, resources will still be available to you from adoption agencies in Missouri. Whatever you decide to do that feels best, know that you’re supported by Adoption Choices of Missouri and/or your own personal network.