Birth Mother Blog

How Can I Have a Relationship With My Child After Adoption?

One of the main questions that you may have as a birth mother who is considering giving up your baby for adoption is whether or not you will be able to have a relationship with your child after adoption. Some mothers would rather not continue communication with their child post-placement, but other mothers desire to stay involved in their child’s life. Maybe you’re only a teenager, and taking care of a child would completely place your life on hold, or maybe you’re just unable to take care of a newborn at whatever stage of life you may be at. Whatever your situation is, at Adoption Choices of Missouri, we want you to know that your relationship with your baby doesn’t need to end at birth. 

The Different Types of Adoption

The extent of your future relationship with your baby post-placement depends on the type of adoption you and the baby’s adoptive parents choose. In your adoption plan, you will have to decide whether you want your adoption to be an open, semi-open, or closed adoption. Each of these different types of adoptions entails a different level of future communication between you and your child, so understanding each option is essential as you move forward with your adoption in MO

Open Adoption, Keeping Connected with My Child After Adoption

Open adoption is when you, as the birth mother, will be able to have frequent interaction with your child as they grow up. The specific types and frequency of interaction between you and your child vary case-to-case depending on what you decide with the adoptive parents. However, in most cases, open adoption means that you will be able to meet your child in person on numerous occasions, as well as send them letters, call them on the phone, and generally be involved in their life. Through open adoption, your child may even be able to meet your nuclear and extended family. However, it is important to know that fully open adoption is not often as desirable for adoptive parents because frequent interaction with you may confuse your child as they try to understand your role in their lives. 

Semi-Open Adoption, Learning About My Child After Adoption

Due to the difficulty that navigating a fully open adoption may present to your child. Through a semi-open adoption, there is still the possibility of meeting your child in person, but the meetings would be much less often and possibly wouldn’t occur until later on in their life. However, through a semi-open adoption, usually, there is communication between the birth mother and child through other means of interaction, such as letters and phone calls. In a semi-open adoption, you will be a figure in your child’s life that is familiar and somewhat well-known, and the culture and background of your family can be shared with your child. 

What Is Means to Have a Closed Adoption

The final type of adoption is a closed adoption. Your child won’t know who you are and may not even know anything about you through a closed adoption. Their adoptive parents won’t discuss you and your background with your child, and you won’t be able to communicate with them. Many adoptive parents don’t desire this type of adoption for the adoptee for many reasons, the first being how difficult it is to maintain a true closed adoption. As your child grows up, if they know that they are adopted, they most likely will try to figure out who you are and where you are living. Additionally, it is valuable for your child to know their background and where they came from since they are still biologically your child.

Which Adoption is the Best Choice for a Future Relationship?

Ultimately, the type of adoption you choose will be an agreement you make with the adoptive parents. However, if you want to keep a relationship with your child post-placement, you should seek to establish either an open or semi-open adoption through your adoption plan. Either of these options will provide you with the opportunity to invest in your child as they grow up and stay involved in their life. This can be a source of comfort for you; just because you’re giving up your baby for adoption, you won’t be removed from their life, and they may even get to meet you in the future. Adoption Choices of Missouri will assist you in forming an adoption plan that will meet your desires as a birth mother while also honoring the requests of the adoptive parents. Of course, your relationship with your child post-placement won’t be the same as a mother-child relationship – and it shouldn’t be. This would be far too confusing for your child to understand, especially when they’re young, and it wouldn’t be fair to the adoptive parents. Choosing the adoption route means that you won’t be as involved in your baby’s life as you would be as their mother. However, adoption doesn’t mean the end of your relationship. You can confidently choose adoption without the fear of losing any connection with your baby and find comfort in the fact that your future can still include your baby. If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to contact Adoption Choices of Missouri

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll-free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 816-527-9800

KylaMeet the author: Kyla’s life has been filled with adventure and transition – both good and difficult. She loves to take on challenges head-on and lead an organized and balanced life. She’s passionate about many different areas and loves how writing gives her the flexibility to engage in research of almost every field of study imaginable. She grew up very involved in theater and music and continues to use her free time to play the piano and sing. However, she is also very interested in how the natural world works and takes any chance she has to spend the day away from crowds, enveloped in the seclusion of nature. Growing up in the Philippines, she’s had some unique experiences that have shaped her worldview and given her a deeper understanding and appreciation for different cultures. She gets excited about research papers, completed to-do lists, and her morning coffee.