Birth Mother Blog

Considering a Closed Adoption as a Birth Mother in Missouri

So, you have chosen to place your baby for adoption. This difficult decision, but one that will benefit both you and your baby. Now you have to decide which type of adoption is best for you: open, semi-open, or closed adoption. But how do you know which type of adoption best suits your needs? Are you a birth mother in Missouri who is considering a closed adoption?

Many birth mothers who choose a closed adoption do so because they desire a sense of closure. They feel that a closed adoption allows you to close this chapter of your life and move on after the adoption process is completed.

Who wouldn’t wish they could feel like they are concluding such a huge and emotional chapter of their lives? But be careful what you wish for. Just because you feel like a chapter in your life has ended does not necessarily mean that you will get to go live happily ever after. Wishing for closure can be a double-edged sword.

A sense of finality after a closed adoption can serve as both an advantage and disadvantage. There are many pros and cons to a closed adoption, and they are often the flip side to the same coin. That is why Adoption Choices of Missouri is here to help you. Our adoption caseworkers will help you decide which type of adoption works best for you and help you to make an adoption plan that works accordingly.

Pros of Considering a Closed Adoption as a Birth Mother:

  1. Moving forward. No one wants painful reminders of the most difficult decisions of their lives, and for you it’s better to just wipe the slate clean and move on with your life. A closed adoption can help both you and the adoptive family move forward with your lives more quickly and easily by making a clean break.
  2. Anonymity. In a world where so much of our lives ends up publicly shared on social media, it’s natural to crave some privacy and discretion around such a sensitive topic. It’s perfectly natural for you to want to keep this secret to yourself or entrusted with your closest loved ones. A closed adoption guarantees a certain level of obscurity in order to protect and conceal your identity.
  3. No obligations. A closed adoption allows you to mentally, physically, and legally cut off all ties as a birth mother. You will have no future obligations to send letters or birthday cards, no commitments to call or visit on the holidays. Closed adoption offers the freedom to move forward in life without the responsibilities of parenthood weighing you down.
  4. Happy and healthy baby. All of our adoptive families are pre-screened and qualified to adopt. Your baby will be going to a safe and nurturing home, whether or not you decide to select the adoptive parents from our adoptive parent portfolios yourself. It will be much easier to move forward having the peace of mind that knowing your baby is loved and well-cared-for brings.

Cons of Considering a Closed Adoption as a Birth Mother:

  1. No medical, cultural, or genetic history. While there are many websites that offer a glimpse into one’s genealogy in exchange for a DNA swab, there are certain benefits to knowing who your birth mother is that a website just cannot provide. When the birth parent’s medical history or cultural traditions are not passed on, the baby may grow up unaware of certain health issues or lack a sense of their own cultural heritage.
  2. Unanswered questions. The same sense of closure you seek offers a different sense of finality for your baby while he or she grows up. It may be difficult for your baby to grow up knowing that he or she was adopted but is unable to find answers. It is common for adopted children to have questions about who their birth mother is or why they were placed for adoption.
  3. Emotional difficulties. Closed adoptions offer a lot of unique challenges for everyone in the adoption process. Not only can a closed adoption be difficult for you as the birth mother, but it may also present some future issues for the adoptive family or your baby. Babies placed in closed adoptions tend to face identity challenges as they grow older.
  4. No contact, ever. As the years go by and both you and your baby grow older, you may one day find yourself wondering about your baby and wanting to reach out to him or her. Unfortunately, once you have chosen a closed adoption, it is very difficult to change course and establish contact later on. Not only is there no identifying information left behind in order to contact each other, but there will also be no foundation of trust on which to grow a real relationship.

Carefully Consider All Three Types of Adoption before Choosing a Closed Adoption

Of course, closed adoption is not for everyone. If any of the cons listed above make you feel upset or don’t sit right with you, then a closed adoption may not be the right option for you. In that case, a semi-open or open adoption may be more suited to your needs.

There are certain benefits of open and semi-open adoptions that are simply not available with closed adoptions. These adoption benefits would look like:

  • Being able to share any important aspects of your medical history.
  • Making sure that certain traditions are passed down.
  • Being able to leave an introduction letter that answers who you are and why you chose adoption.
  • Being able to address any emotional difficulties directly.
  • Being able to see and know the person your baby grows up to be.

Remember, there is never any shame in placing your baby for adoption. Whatever type of adoption you choose for whatever reasons, remember that choosing adoption is a kind and caring act of love in the best interests of you and your baby.

Do Not Wait to Contact Our Adoption Agency When Considering a Closed Adoption as a Birth Mother

If you’re considering a closed adoption as a birth mother, do not hesitate to call our adoption agency as soon as possible. The sooner you call us, the quicker your adoption specialist can get to work answering any questions you may have about closed adoptions.

No matter what type of adoption you choose, many birth mothers still encounter grief and despair over the loss of parenthood post placement. That is why Adoption Choices of Missouri is here for you. We are a licensed, full-service adoption agency that is more than happy to go above and beyond for our birth mothers. We offer mental health and support counseling services throughout your adoption plan, even after the adoption process is completed.

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: Kelly Felix is a graduate from the University of New Orleans. She holds a BA in English as well as a BA in Sociology. Her English concentration is in journalism, and her specialties in sociology are gender studies and environmental sociology.

When she isn’t voraciously guzzling coffee or devouring books, Kelly can be found either bent over a canvas working on her art or at her computer playing video games. She has hands-on classroom teaching experience from her time working as a substitute teacher for Kelly Services. Kelly also completed an in-house editorial internship at Pelican Publishing Company, and she finished the goal internship program at Green Light New Orleans. Kelly generally exists in a state of suspended disbelief, but when she’s not there she resides in New Orleans.