Questions that Birth Mothers have about Missouri Adoption
Birth Mother Blog

The Top 8 Common Questions Birth Mothers Have about Adoption in Missouri

August 31, 2020

The Top 8 Common Questions Birth Mothers Have about Adoption in Missouri

By Sofia Becker

As an expectant woman facing an unplanned pregnancy in Missouri, you might be facing an uncertain future. Maybe you’re feeling scared or apprehensive about the whole situation. Maybe you’re thinking, “Where do I turn if I’m considering adoption for my baby?” You might have questions about your next steps and wonder whether or not adoption is the right fit or choice for you. 

Don’t worry; all of this is normal. Adoption Choices of Missouri is ready to help you face this uncertain future. We’ve put together a list of some common questions birth mothers have about giving a child up for adoption in Missouri:

  1. Why should I choose adoption?

Having an unplanned pregnancy is scary, and, at this moment, you are probably faced with a lot of different choices to make. If you’re not ready to be a parent, considering adoption for your baby means you want what is best for your child’s life.

Choosing adoption gives you lifelong joy in seeing your child grow up in a loving household. It also lifts any burdens from your shoulders that you might have of your child growing up in a different environment than you did.

  1. Is there anyone who can help me understand my decision and deal with losing my child?

Adoption is never an easy choice in the first place. It can be hard and difficult, but we are here for you and will provide you with counseling and support if needed. You will have an adoption specialist who will be available to you at all times. 

It is important to also surround yourself with a support system outside of Adoption Choices of Missouri. This can include your family, your partner or spouse, or anyone else that you consider to be trustworthy enough to support you during this time. 

  1. Do I have the right to choose the adoptive family?

You definitely have the right to choose the family who will adopt your baby. In fact, it is encouraged or required that prospective adoptive parents create a scrapbook full of information about their lives, which contains pictures and stories. This will give you a glimpse of who they are and what kind of life they could provide for your baby. 

Often, prospective adoptive parents will also include a special section dedicated to the birth mother, explaining why they are a good candidate and sharing additional information about their lives, such as their likes, dislikes, and more. 

  1. How do I know that my child will be raised in a safe environment if I choose adoption?

It is good to be concerned about the well-being of your child even after adoption. At Adoption Choices of Missouri, the prospective adoptive parents go through a series of exhaustive background checks. They are interviewed by social workers and are carefully screened. 

It is always a possibility that prospective adoptive parents can’t have any children, even if they want children. So, adoption is always an opportunity for them to show their child all the love that he or she deserves. Children are always a blessing to someone – your child included.

  1. Will the adoption agency be able to help me with my financial needs? 

Adoption Choices of Missouri will help you find the assistance you need to pay all the medical bills. First, if there are any medical bills that are not provided by your medical insurance or the state funds, the adoptive family will take care of that. Second, we will help you with living expenses. We understand how difficult it is to return to work after giving birth. Third, your caseworker will help you find transportation to your doctor appointments and get your prescriptions. If there is anything else that you need help with (i.e. getting groceries), your caseworker will be more than happy to work with you on that. 

  1. Can I still see my baby even after the adoption is over?

This greatly depends on what kind of adoption plan you chose. For instance, if you choose to do an open adoption, you will have the opportunity to maintain contact with the adoptive family and your child. This could include virtual communication, phone calls, or in-person visits.

Be sure to discuss this with your caseworker and the adoptive parents prior to your baby’s birth, so that you will know what to expect after the adoption has finalized. The adoption process, overall, is a very emotional and complex one; but, it’s better to have a plan in place early on before everything is heightened during the birth and delivery process.

  1. Will my child resent or hate me for choosing adoption?

This is a very valid and common concern birth mothers have when placing their baby for adoption. So, it’s very natural and there’s no shame or guilt in wanting to ask it. Our adoption counselors can offer you a confidential, safe, and non-judgmental environment to process this concern.

Adoptees from decades past often recount struggling with identity issues as a result of details being kept secret from them. However, in recent decades, more former adoptees have opened up about their adoptions. Many have expressed gratefulness to their birth parents for doing the right thing. In addition, our agency encourages open adoption, as it allows your child to learn the right way about you and where they came from, eliminating the questions and struggles as they develop.

  1. What if my friends and family don’t understand why I’m giving up my baby for adoption?

If your friends or family lack understanding, you could give them a brief explanation of your reasons. That you feel this is the best decision for both of you. Unfortunately, there’s a social stigma surrounding adoption and birth mothers “giving up” their babies. People seem threatened by what they don’t understand. But, thanks to changes the adoption industry has made, it’s become more common and less stigmatized. 

Your child’s adoption can also serve as an opportunity for your friends and family to learn about how adoption works. Your caseworker can talk with your family and friends and help them understand what is going on. 

Navigating the Common Questions that Birth Mothers Have about Adoption

As a birth mother, the future can seem uncertain and terrifying, but Adoption Choices in Missouri is here to help you answer any questions that you might have. Whether it has to do with financial assistance or other concerns, please feel free to come to us for help. We understand how hard it is to feel alone during this time. Let us help you navigate these troubled waters.  

Birth Mother Blog

Counseling & Support Resources for Birth Mothers experiencing an Unplanned Pregnancy

August 28, 2020

Counseling & Support Resources for Birth Mothers experiencing an Unplanned Pregnancy

An unplanned pregnancy can be an overwhelming realization. Especially if you are not in a position to give your child the life you know that he or she deserves. Maybe you’ve thought about having a family one day, but the timing is’t right. Perhaps you are at a good point in your career, or are already parenting children, and cannot expand your family at the moment. Or, maybe you’re in the midst of graduating from high school or college.

Whatever circumstance you find yourself in, discovering that you are pregnant comes with many different emotions. This can cause you a great deal of stress and anxiety. But, don’t worry! You are in good hands. Adoption Choices of Missouri is here to help. You do not have to travel this decision alone. We have counseling and support resources for birth mothers experiencing an Unplanned Pregnancy available to you.

Confidential Counseling Services for Adoption

At our agency, we offer all of our birth mothers counseling sessions that are at no cost to you. You will have the opportunity to meet with one of our licensed adoption counselors where you can healthfully process through your emotions and discuss your options. Everything you say in these sessions are kept confidential and nonjudgmental. It is a safe place for you to voice what you are thinking and feeling, and for you to get any and all questions answered and concerns addressed.

If you decide to place your baby for adoption, the counselor will help arrange a meeting with a caseworker, who will then walk you through the process. From beginning to end, our agency will welcome you with open arms, treat you with the respect you deserve and support you every step of the way.

Financial Assistance for Adoption

Placing your baby for adoption does not cost you anything. However, if you are in need of financial assistance, your caseworker will work with you to see what you are eligible for. Adoption Choices of Missouri can provide assistance in the following areas:

  • Rent
  • Utilities
  • Food
  • Transportation
  • Maternity Clothing
  • Phone service
  • Groceries
Support Groups for Adoption

One of the other counseling and support resources for birth mothers is getting involved with a support group. Be sure to research what options are available in your local area. Finding a group where birth mothers meet can offer you additional support. To be among a group of women who have placed, are in the process or are considering it can give you a great sense of encouragement and comfort. 

If you are unable to find a support group in your area, you can also look online through social media and other outlets such as Facebook and MeetUp. Other options include: Birth Mother Assistance and Brave Love.  

Counseling and Support Resources for Birth Mothers

Having a strong support system and counseling resources available to you while you are going through an unplanned pregnancy is vital. Even if you choose to place your baby for adoption, the emotions and decisions you will have to face shouldn’t be gone through alone. 

Our adoption counselors will answer all your questions, address your concerns and help reassure you that any decision you make will be fully supported. Your health and safety — and that of your baby’s — is our top priority. You will never be alone.

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: Samara Wiley is a published author of poetry, essays, and an environmental children’s storybook called, Waiting for the Water Fairy. She graduated from Benedictine University in 2018 with a double Bachelor of Arts in English Literature and French.She has been published in three small poetry anthologies one was called Talented.

Her other writing accomplishments include: winning a high school poetry competition and $2500 for her high school, having two out of her five novels be considered for publication and writing movie critic reviews for her university’s newsletter. 

Although she has Cerebral Palsy and has had a turbulent childhood, Samara puts these small specs of herself into her writing to personally connect with her audience. She prides herself on pushing the boundaries in her writing and in her personal life with everything she does. Samara writes with her heart and a voice of compassion, and loves to pull from her top passions in life.

She currently lives in Yorkville, Illinois with her mom and two sisters.

Birth Mother Blog

How COVID-19 Affects Adoption in Missouri 

August 26, 2020

How COVID-19 Affects Adoption in Missouri 

In the COVID-19 pandemic, we are faced with so many confusing questions: What’s safe? What’s not? Where can I go? Can I see people in person? How do I stay healthy? If you’re unexpectedly pregnant, you’re dealing with a lot right now: On top of figuring out what’s best for you and your baby, you have to factor in pandemic safety precautions and the uncertainty of COVID-19. You may be wondering if adoption is still an option. It is! You can still safely place your baby for adoption during this pandemic. 

Adoption Choices of Missouri is still open and offering full services during the pandemic. We are always here to help you through every step of your adoption journey. 

Here are some answers to questions you might have about how COVID-19 affects adoption in Missouri:

Is the Adoption Process Still the Same? 

Yes! You can still make an adoption plan just as you would have before COVID-19. You will still work with one of our adoption caseworkers, who will provide support and resources and answer any questions you have. You will still fill out paperwork, choose the type of adoption that works for your needs, browse prospective adoptive parent profiles and match with the family you want to adopt your baby. 

The only difference is that all of this will happen online or over the phone. Even though our physical offices are closed right now, we are working remotely to make adoption possible for you. 

Keep in mind there may be some delays since everyone must practice social distancing to prevent the spread of COVID-19. It might take a little longer to communicate with everyone involved in the adoption process. For example, families hoping to adopt must go through interviews and home studies, which are usually conducted in person. Because of COVID-19 safety measures, completing these protocols might be slower. But don’t worry; there are still many families waiting to open their homes and hearts to an adopted baby. We are working hard to make sure you connect safely with an adoptive family. 

If I Want to Communicate with the Adoptive Family, is that Still Possible? 

Absolutely! If you’ve chosen an open adoption, you can meet the adoptive family using ZOOM, Skype, FaceTime or other video chat apps. Your adoption caseworker can set up a virtual meeting or call for you. 

Should I Postpone My Prenatal Doctor’s Appointments? 

No. You should still see your doctor. Prenatal check-ups are important to ensure that you and your baby are healthy. Your doctor will give you advice about how to protect you and your baby’s health throughout your pregnancy and during the pandemic.

It’s totally understandable if COVID-19 makes you nervous about going to the doctor’s office. Ask your healthcare provider what measures they’re taking to keep their patients safe during in-person visits. You may even be able to meet virtually with your doctor over the phone or video. Check with your doctor to see if they want to see you in person or if you can make a telehealth appointment instead. 

I’d like the Adoptive Family to be with Me at My Prenatal Appointments.  Who is allowed in the Doctor’s Office? 

Different healthcare providers have different rules about visitors to keep everyone healthy and safe. Check with your healthcare provider to see if you’re allowed to have someone accompany you to your doctor’s appointments. 

I’m about to Give Birth. What will My Hospital Experience be Like? 

It is still safe to give birth at a hospital, where professionals can provide the best care. Your labor and delivery team will do everything they can to protect your health and your baby. 

Before entering the hospital, you will be screened and/or tested for COVID-19. If you test positive or are suspected of having COVID-19, don’t worry. You will still be cared for, just in another part of the hospital in order to prevent the spread of disease. 

Your labor plan should be the same as it would be normally pre-pandemic. Generally, COVID-19 should not change the preferred timing and method of your delivery. Check with your doctor to see if you need to make any modifications. 

Your labor and delivery team will wear masks and other personal protective equipment. Ask your doctor about whether or not you should wear a mask during labor and delivery. 

Can I have Visitors with Me when I Give Birth?  

Ask your healthcare provider about their visitor policies for mothers in labor. You’ll likely be limited to one support person in the delivery room/maternity ward with you for the duration of your hospital stay. This visitor could be a family member, a friend, a member of the adoptive family, a doula, your adoption caseworker, etc. 

Visitors will be screened for symptoms. They must wear a face covering and follow all other public health and hospital guidelines. Check with your hospital to figure out when visitors are allowed to visit and which hospital entrance they should use. 

Ask your caseworker and healthcare provider about options to video chat so more people can be virtually present for the birth of your baby.  

How Long will I Stay in the Hospital? 

You’ll be discharged as soon as safely possible to minimize your time spent at the hospital. Returning home quickly protects your health and prevents exposure to COVID-19. Your care team will ensure that you are in good health and fully ready to be discharged before you are sent home. 

The Family Adopting My Baby doesn’t Live Locally. How is COVID-19 affecting their Travel Plans? 

These days, traveling is more complicated. Taking a flight, riding a bus or train or driving can increase the risk of getting or spreading COVID-19. If your adoptive family is traveling from out of town to meet your baby at the hospital, they will need to find a transportation solution that follows public health requirements for safe travel. Your hospital and your caseworker will ensure that your baby is safely delivered to the adoptive parents. 

How COVID-19 Affects Adoption in Missouri: You can Still Choose Adoption

We may be in the middle of a pandemic, but our adoption agency is still operating and providing the same services and support for birth mothers. At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we are here to help you with your unplanned pregnancy and keep you healthy. COVID-19 may understandably cause some worries, frustrations, or difficulties as you go through the adoption process, but you can still safely choose to place your baby for adoption in a loving home. 

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: Zoë Bowlus, a writing and editing enthusiast, considers herself a grammar groupie and suffers from a weakness for wordplay and working with words, whether she is reading, furiously typing away, playing Words with Friends, or filling in the Sunday New York Times crossword puzzle.  

She was adopted from Vietnam as a baby and began exploring her adoptee identity in Asian American Studies and Communication courses at UC Santa Barbara. As she combed through adoption literature for her last essay of college (she graduated with highest honors in 2020), she was inspired to use the research, editing, and writing skills she developed in college and her personal experience to create resources and share stories about adoption in a professional context. Writing for Adoption Choices, Zoë hopes to support people on their adoption journeys and to grow as an adoptee herself. 

Zoë is an aspiring cat lady who is allergic to cats. She enjoys curling up with homemade hot chocolate, kettle corn, and a good book but laments the absence of a feline reading companion. Her bedside table and bookshelves are overflowing with World War II historical fiction, Asian American and Mexico-U.S. borderlands fiction, contemporary fiction, grammar and style books, and collections of profiles. She spends an inordinate amount of time playing bridge.  

An avid NBA fan, Zoë lives in Sacramento, the primary reason anyone would root for the Kings. She holds out hope that they will make it to the playoffs during her lifetime. 

Birth Father Blog

What Birth Mothers Should Know about the Adoption Process during COVID 19

August 24, 2020

What Birth Mothers Should Know about the Adoption Process during COVID 19

There is a lot that has changed for the adoption process during COVID 19. If you are feeling nervous and overwhelmed about all the new policies and new changes, that is totally normal. 

You are not alone – we at Adoption Choices of Missouri are learning to adapt to the changes and want to help you understand better what you should know. 

What Birth Mothers Should Know 

  1. We are Still Open and Fully Functional

Birth mothers should know that our doors at Adoption Choices of Missouri are still open and that we are still fully operational. While our physical offices may be closed currently, we have moved to virtual communication to respect the social distancing rules. 

Emails are checked on a regular basis and have a prompt response time. The same goes for texts and phone calls. We care about you and want to make you as comfortable as possible in any way, which means that your health and the health of our employees is of high importance. 

  1. Hospitals have Extra Safety Precautions

There have been changes to the hospital process as well. It is always best to call ahead of time just to make sure that it’s okay to come. At Ozark Medical Center, for instance, every patient is allowed one visitor per day. If they feel sick or have COVID symptoms, they can’t visit at all. At Citizens Memorial in Bolivar, everyone is required to wear a mask, respect the social distancing guidelines and will be screened for their temperatures. Washing hands with soap and water is also mandatory. There are strict visiting hours and birthmothers are allowed to have one labor partner and another visitor for the duration of the stay.

Your caseworker will help you stay updated on any and all extra precautions your hospital of choice may have in place. Your health and safety, and that of your baby’s, is our top priority as well as the hospital’s. Despite the global pandemic, it is still safe to place your baby for adoption and to deliver him or her in the hospital. It is important to be flexible with your birth plan, though, as COVID-19 policies are ever changing right now. If you contract COVID 19 while you are pregnant, don’t worry. You can still have your baby at the hospital. The staff have procedures in place for a situation like this as well. 

  1. How to Protect Your Baby from COVID-19

If you are worried about how to protect your newborn from COVID 19, it is important to know that the hospitals have limited the number of visitors and support people who are allowed in the room. Depending on hospital policy, your baby will be delivered to the adoptive parents outside of the hospital and will be kept separate from the birth and delivery process. However, you will still be able to communicate with them. As different as this may seem, this is all to protect you, your baby and your baby’s adoptive family. But rest assured — your baby will be safely given to their new adoptive family and your adoption journey will be successful.

  1. You can Still Choose Your Child’s Adoptive Family

You are still able to choose your child’s adoptive family during this time. However, with regards to social distancing, all these procedures will take place virtually. The caseworker will email you photos and photo books of prospective adoptive parents for you to look at. Once you select who you want to meet and move forward with, any and all discussions will take place remotely using applications such as Skype, FaceTime or ZOOM.

We understand that this isn’t the same as meeting face to face, but the magic of this age of technology is that you still have the opportunity to develop strong and healthy relationships with your child’s adoptive family. That you can still those grow and build until we are, once again, permitted to safely meet in person

The Adoption Process during COVID-19

Adoption Choices of Missouri is still open during COVID 19, despite there being difficult changes to adjust to. Please rest assured that we are doing everything possible to take the necessary extra precautions for your health and safety. We are ready to help you in any way possible and help you be educated in the new policies. 

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: Sofia Becker is currently a student at Liberty University and is majoring in a Bachelor of Science in History with a double minor in Biblical Studies and writing. She is currently working on a Robin Hood retelling and an entire epic fantasy world in the making. In her spare time, she loves watching The Office and Disney movies.

Through her blogs, and her passion for helping and encouraging others, she hopes to make a difference in someone’s life. She also looks forward to becoming a better writer and editor. To learn more about Sofia, be sure to check out her blog and Instagram.

Baby Safe Haven or Missouri Adoption Plan
Birth Mother Blog

Baby Safe Haven or Adoption Plan: Choosing a Path for Adoption in Missouri that Works for You 

August 19, 2020

Baby Safe Haven or Adoption Plan: Choosing a Path for Adoption in Missouri that Works for You 

By Zoë Bowlus

If you’re unexpectedly pregnant, you might be thinking about Giving a child up for adoption. Maybe you aren’t able to care for a baby. You might not feel ready to be a parent. Maybe you don’t want to be a parent (right now or ever). Whatever the reason, you are not alone: Birth mothers choose adoption for a variety of reasons.  

When it comes to adoption in Missouri, you have a couple of options to ensure that your baby ends up in a safe and caring home: a baby safe haven or an adoption plan. 

Here’s what you need to know about these two different paths to adoption: 

What is a Baby Safe Haven? 

A baby safe haven is a location where you can safely and legally leave your baby. Baby safe havens include hospitals, fire stations, police stations, ambulance stations, maternity homes and pregnancy centers. You must give your baby to a baby safe haven provider, which is a person who works or volunteers at one of these locations. 

The baby safe haven provider will accept physical custody of your baby and ensure that your baby receives care. The baby safe haven provider will then notify the child welfare department, which will arrange for the adoption of your baby. 

How the Baby Safe Haven Option Works in Missouri 

Here’s what you need to know about the Safe Place for Newborns Law in Missouri:

  • Your baby must be 45 days old (1.5 months) or younger. 
  • Your baby must be unharmed and show no signs of abuse. 
  • As a birth parent, you are guaranteed anonymity. You do not need to provide any identifying information about yourself or your baby. If you wish, you may disclose helpful health information. 
  • When you leave your child with a baby safe haven provider, you permanently relinquish your parental rights and you consent to adoption. 
  • If you safely and voluntarily leave your baby with a designated professional at a baby safe haven, you are protected from prosecution for child abandonment or child endangerment. 

Here is the list of baby safe haven providers in Missouri: 

  • Law enforcement officer 
  • Firefighter 
  • EMT (Emergency Medical Technician)
  • Hospital staff member or volunteer
  • Maternity home or pregnancy center staff member or volunteer

If you bring your baby to a location other than a hospital, the provider will take your baby to the nearest hospital for medical treatment and care. 

The Children’s Division of the Missouri Department of Social Services will ensure that your baby is placed with a loving and caring family. 

Adoption Choices of Missouri is a baby safe haven. You can leave your baby with us at our agency located at: 4435 Main St. #920, Kansas City, MO. 

Pros of the Baby Safe Haven Option in Missouri

  • You can safely leave your baby knowing that he or she will be protected and cared for.
  • You are protected from liability for child abandonment, neglect or endangerment. 
  • You do not need to reveal your identity yourself or provide any information to anyone. No questions asked. No paperwork or contracts necessary.
  • Your baby will be safe and placed in a permanent home. 

Creating Your Adoption Plan

An adoption plan involves figuring out your preferences for your baby’s adoption. You get to choose the family who adopts your baby. You get to choose how much you stay in touch with your child and the adoptive family. 

Choosing an Adoption Arrangement  

It is up to you how involved you’ll be in your child’s life post-adoption. You decide how much contact you’ll have with your child and the adoptive parents. There are three types of adoption to choose from that vary in level of privacy and communication: closed, semi-open, and open. There are pros and cons to each type. There’s no right or wrong decision. You get to decide what works best for you. 

Here are some questions to consider: 

    • Do you want to keep your birth mother’s identity confidential? 
    • Do you prefer to have no contact with the family who adopts your child? Or do you want to meet the adoptive family and communicate with them directly? 
    • Do you want to receive updates about how your child is doing post-adoption? If so, how frequently? 
Choosing the Adoptive Family

As the Birth Parent, you can think about what you want in an adoptive family. These are some characteristics to consider when choosing the family you think can provide the best life for your baby:

    • Family form and size: Do you want your baby to be adopted by a single parent? An LGBTQ family? A transracial family? Does it matter to you if the adoptive family already has children?
    • Lifestyle, culture, and values: Where does the adoptive family live? What is their employment? What hobbies and interests do they have? What are their values and beliefs?

Your adoption caseworker will show you profiles of families hoping to adopt. All adoptive parents have passed screening tests, interviews, and background checks. Additionally, they’ve received adoption and parenting training. 

    • You will look at pictures of the families and learn all about them. Then you will choose a family that matches what you’re looking for. 

Remember, your Birth Parent Counselor will be there to help you make these choices.

Pros of an Adoption Plan

  • An adoption plan involves you throughout the entire adoption process. 
  • You select the family that will adopt your baby. 
  • You can control how much contact you have with the adoptive family and your child. 
  • An adoption plan ensures your baby will be loved and cared for in a permanent home.

Baby Safe Haven or Adoption Plan? 

Whatever adoption choice you make, your baby will be safe and end up in a stable and loving family. At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we are here for you as you make decisions about your unplanned pregnancy, whether you want to bring your newborn to a baby safe haven or develop an adoption plan. 

Post Placement Services Birth Mothers Missouri
Birth Mother Blog

Post-Placement Services for Birth Mothers After Adoption in Missouri

August 17, 2020

Post-Placement Services for Birth Mothers After Adoption in Missouri

By Sofia Becker

Adoption is a beautiful concept inside and out. Any birth mother who has wrestled with the thought of considering adoption for my baby is faced with one of the most difficult decisions she’ll ever make. Giving a child up for adoption is a sacrifice that can yield provision and a wonderful life for that child. However, there are always emotions to deal with after the adoption… maybe you made the wrong decision and have lost your child. Fortunately, when it comes to adoption in Missouri, there are several post-placement services and resources for birth mothers.

What Birth Mothers Should Expect Post Placement

If you are a birth mother who is struggling in post-placement, you’re possibly trying very hard to navigate through the aftermath. It is natural for a birth mother to feel a mix of the physical and emotional factors from post-placement. Here’s a list of symptoms that you might be dealing with: 

  • Guilt: it’s okay for a birth mother to feel guilty for placing her baby up for adoption, due to the negative connotations today that our society has conjured up. Feelings of shame and/or rejection are stirred, even if it was the best thing she could do for her child. It can be a difficult road to recovery, even if it was the right thing to do, and can take years. 
  • Harsh self-criticism: some people will criticize you for wanting to give up the baby, but you need to remember that this was and always will be your decision – not theirs. The judgments and discouragements that you get lead to self-doubt and regretting the decision to put the baby up for adoption. But you have to look past all this, remind yourself that you made the right decision, and move on.
  • Postpartum Depression (PPD): PPD is a mix of behavioral, physical, and emotional changes that you as a birth mother will experience after giving birth and it can occur anytime within four weeks of the birth delivery. Symptoms include hopelessness, suicidal thoughts, insomnia, eating problems, and the inadequacy of feeling needed. 

Post Placement Support Resources

You will likely be scrutinized for quite some time on your decision. Take the time you need to process your emotions and realize the positive aspects of your decisions. It is critical to find the support and resources that you need to get through the emotional aftermath of post-placement.

When it comes to supporting resources, there are a few different options to consider. Online support resources are one way to go. The internet is a goldmine bringing people from all different walks of life together. Adoption Choices of Missouri is here for you even after you’ve given birth and the adoption has been finalized. We can provide counseling and support! 

Support from Adoption Choices

Adoption Choices of Missouri can also help you find the resources that are best suited for you. Our caring professionals will give respectful, accurate, and judgment-free answers. We can provide you with the information you need to know your options. 

The support you need is here to help you to decide what you want to do about your pregnancy. However, we encourage you to take the time you need to make a decision about adoption. When you’re ready — we will be there for you. 

 

Birth Mother Blog

Reasons Birth Mothers Choose Adoption in Missouri

August 12, 2020

Reasons Birth Mothers Choose Adoption in Missouri

By Zoë Bowlus

You’re pregnant, and you weren’t planning on it. Everything is going to be ok. Take a deep breath. You can make an adoption plan that works for you. 

You may be experiencing a jumble of confusing emotions right now. That’s natural. There is a lot to consider, but figuring out what to do next is entirely up to you. Maybe you don’t feel ready to raise a child or you don’t want to be a parent. Maybe you don’t want to terminate your pregnancy. Perhaps you don’t feel supported enough to care for a baby. 

If you’re unsure how to proceed with your pregnancy and you’re considering giving a child up for adoption, Adoption Choices of Missouri is here to help. Let’s explore and destigmatize some of the most common reasons birth mothers choose adoption in Missouri. 

I’m considering adoption for my baby because:

I’m not ready to be a parent… 

Maybe the timing isn’t right for a baby. You may want to be a parent someday, just not right now. 

If you’re in your teens, you may not feel prepared to take on the responsibility of raising a child. If you don’t have access to childcare, you may worry about how you’d be able to graduate from high school or hold down a job and take care of your baby.

Likewise, as a college student, juggling the demands of both parenting and earning a degree might feel like too much to handle.

Maybe you’re focused on your career at this point in your life, and you fear that starting a family now would mean sacrificing your success in the work world. 

I don’t want to be a parent…

Maybe you don’t have any desire to have a baby, now or ever. You might feel that a baby will impede your lifestyle, career trajectory, or long-term goals. 

If you’re an older mother, you might be afraid that you aren’t physically able to take care of a baby. You may want your baby to be raised by younger parents instead. 

I don’t want to be a single parent…

You may not want to raise a child without a partner. Maybe the birth father is not willing to support the baby. Or, perhaps, he is not in the picture at all. 

The idea of being a single mom may understandably feel overwhelming to you. Unsure how you’ll be able to provide for a baby on a single income? Do you fear that parenting and holding a job will stretch you too thin? Maybe you’d just prefer to raise a child in a two-parent household. 

I don’t have the resources to raise a child… 

You may feel unable to give your baby financial stability. Perhaps you don’t feel like you can provide your child with the resources they need to thrive. 

You might hope that an adoptive family would be able to give your child an improved quality of life that you wouldn’t be able to provide. 

If you’re already worried about your finances right now, you may be even more worried when faced with the costs of raising a child. 

I live in an unsafe environment… 

You may be concerned about exposing your baby to an unstable and unhealthy environment. Is the birth father abusive? Do you have a partner or spouse who is abusive? Do you live with people who are violent? If so, you might worry that you can’t give your child a safe home. 

I don’t want to expand my family…

Maybe you already have children and find yourself unexpectedly pregnant. You may not have the emotional energy to care for another child you weren’t planning for — or the financial resources. An unplanned pregnancy might affect your ability to provide financially, physically and emotionally for your existing children. 

I don’t have my family’s support… 

Perhaps your family members aren’t supportive of your pregnancy. They may not be willing to help you financially, offer childcare or be there for you emotionally. You may be scared to raise a child if your family doesn’t have your back. 

I’m incarcerated…

You may worry about what life will look like for your child if you’re in prison. You might feel that taking care of your child during your incarceration is going to be too hard. If you’re pregnant and incarcerated, you can arrange for adoption. See our blog post here for more information about your adoption options from prison. 

I’m unable to raise a child…

 Living with a physical or mental disability or a major health problem might cause you to worry that parenting will be too difficult for you. 

If any of these reasons birth mothers choose adoption speak to you…

You may want to choose adoption yourself. Every birth mother’s situation is unique. As you can see, the reasons birth mothers choose adoption vary. By choosing adoption, you are making the decision to guarantee security, stability, and opportunities for your child. 

Whatever your circumstances, adoption is a possibility for you and your baby. At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we are here to support you with compassion and respect, no matter what choice you make. We offer non-judgmental counseling to birth mothers of all backgrounds.  

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Choosing Adoption as a Birth Mother in College

August 10, 2020

Choosing Adoption as a Birth Mother in College

You’ve just started college. You’re also on your own for the first time, and decide to see what college life and being independent is all about. Some of your college friends or roommates invite you out to a party, which you happily agree to. A few weeks later, you realize you’re late on your monthly cycle. Then, you start waking up feeling like you caught the flu. You take a pregnancy test and stare into one of your worst fears — you’re pregnant. What are you going to do?  

Deciding how to handle a pregnancy, especially an unplanned one, is scary. It feels like the world has turned upside down. As if you’re the only one in the world and no one will understand what you are going through

But we have good news. You are not alone! You have options available and a support system ready to surround you the moment you ask. Adoption Choices of Missouri is here to support you in any we can. Here is how you can go about choosing adoption as a birth mother in college.

Deciding How to Handle Your Unplanned Pregnancy

The first decision that you have to make about your unplanned pregnancy is deciding what you’d like to do about your unplanned pregnancy. There are three options available: parent your child, terminate your pregnancy or place your child up for adoption. 

1) Parent Your Child

If you decide to parent the child, then you have to figure out how you’re going to raise the child. This includes doing research on what kind of parenting classes you would need to take. These classes are found on the internet, and are important educational and informational resources for you on parenthood. Make sure to thoroughly research each class option, though, so you don’t get caught up in a scam.

2) Terminate Your Pregnancy

If you don’t feel ready to parent your child, your second option is to terminate your pregnancy. With this, remember that laws vary by state on what is considered legal and illegal. For instance, in the state of Missouri, termination is prohibited after 8 weeks. Before termination can occur, you must receive state-directed counseling and then wait 72 hours before you are eligible for the procedure. Insurance, both private and public, will only cover the procedure if there’s evidence that the birth mother’s life is in danger.

3) Place Your Baby for Adoption

Your third option is to place the baby up for adoption.This allows you to give your child their best chance at life. To choose an adoptive family to raise him or her, and to ensure their safety and security. Also, to choose the level of openness you want. There are three options to choose from: open, semi-open and closed. 

We understand that picking an adoption agency can be tricky. So, be sure to take all the time you need to research the adoption agencies in your area and see who aligns the best with what you are looking for. Each and every agency will vary slightly. At our agency, you will be treated with the utmost respect and lots of compassion. Our well-trained staff of professionals offer the most nonjudgmental, empowering and positive adoption experience possible. We will walk with you every step of the way and make sure that both you and your baby are well looked after.

Choosing Adoption as a Birth Mother in College

Discovering that you are pregnant in college can be overwhelming. What’s more, deciding what to do on top of a school load isn’t easy either. But don’t worry. It isn’t the end of the world, and you are not alone. Adoption is an option no matter how late you are in your pregnancy. However, the earlier you contact our agency, the sooner we can help you begin your adoption journey.

At Adoption Choices of Missouri, placing your baby for adoption comes at no cost to you. If you are in need of financial assistance, prenatal care or temporary housing, your adoption caseworker will help you through that and see what you are eligible for.

Always remember that adoption is an option for you, no matter what. Adoption Choices of Missouri has three different levels of openness for your adoption plan — open, semi-open and closed. It’s a big step into this wide and vast world of adoption and adoption agencies, and can be scary, but remember that we are here for you no matter what. 

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: Sofia Becker is currently a student at Liberty University and is majoring in a Bachelor of Science in History with a double minor in Biblical Studies and writing. She is currently working on a Robin Hood retelling and an entire epic fantasy world in the making. In her spare time, she loves watching The Office and Disney movies.

Through her blogs, and her passion for helping and encouraging others, she hopes to make a difference in someone’s life. She also looks forward to becoming a better writer and editor. To learn more about Sofia, be sure to check out her blog and Instagram.

 

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How to have a Healthy Pregnancy before Adoption

August 7, 2020

How to have a Healthy Pregnancy before Adoption

Whether you are going through an unplanned or unwanted pregnancy and are thinking about adoption for your child, having a healthy pregnancy is important. You may be going through several emotions finding out you are pregnant and making the decision of adoption. Pregnancy and adoption cannot be understated because they are life-changing moments and choices. It is valid to feel overwhelmed, stressed or anxious when coming to terms with being pregnant and the steps you decide to take for your future. Through it all, it is essential that you maintain your physical, mental and emotional health for you and your baby. This week Adoption Choices of Missouri will be discussing how to have a healthy pregnancy before adoption. 

Remember that you do not have to make every decision alone, and that we can walk you through all of your options, so you can do what is best for you. Whether you decide to choose adoption for your baby or not, we can be there for you. Let’s discuss some ways to have a healthy pregnancy before adoption. 

Establish an Adoption Plan 

As your mind is connected to your body, thinking about adoption often while your pregnant can bring on added stress and anxiety to an already overwhelming situation. Establishing an adoption plan can be a good way to relieve additional stress and let you focus on the wellbeing of you and your baby. Planning for the next steps after the birth of your baby, will help to prepare you for the start of your adoption journey. 

If you are pregnant and looking to make an adoption plan, you can contact us and we can discuss the specifics of your decision such as the type of adoption agreement you want for your child and more. Having questions or concerns about making an adoption plan is normal, and we are here to help answer all of them to the best of our ability. 

Stay on Track with Prenatal Care

An important part of having a healthy pregnancy before adoption is being mindful of prenatal care. When pregnant, taking care of yourself physically is essential for the baby’s development throughout every trimester up until birth. An expectant mother should not consume alcohol or any drugs, because they pose serious health risks for both the baby and mother, such as birth defects or miscarriage. There are also a few foods you should not eat while pregnant like raw fish and caffeine, among others. 

Having consistent and balanced meals to provide significant nutrition for yourself and your baby is necessary and beneficial. In addition to eating healthy, it is important to take prenatal vitamins, especially during your first trimester when critical growth happens for your baby. When you buy prenatal vitamins at your pharmacy, look for ones with folic acid, iron, calcium and vitamin D. 

Keep Active

During your pregnancy, staying active can help relieve and be an outlet for stress. Depending on if you were active before your pregnancy, you may be able to continue with your workout routine, but check with your healthcare provider to be sure. Exercising regularly while pregnant does not have to be a rigorous workout that includes heavy weight-lifting. Physical activities such as walking, jogging, yoga and pilates are good to practice during your pregnancy. Keeping active can help prepare your body for labor as it changes during pregnancy, prevent health complications of your baby, and helps to manage back pain that develops in the mother when pregnant. 

Always be hydrated before, during and after exercise and eat enough food for you and your baby for the calories you may burn. Try not to push yourself too hard with exercise while pregnant and ask your doctor what they think of certain physical activities, even if you think that they are okay to practice.  

Go to Doctor Appointments

Seeing your doctor during pregnancy is important because they are there to make sure you and your baby are healthy. It is important that you feel comfortable with your doctor to ask any questions or share any concerns, as they can offer answers and provide resources. Your doctor wants what is best for you and your baby, including if you have made the decision for adoption after birth. If going to the doctor during your pregnancy is anxiety provoking, maybe try to go with someone who can support you.

During your first visit with your doctor while pregnant, they will ask about your individual and family health history, perform tests and ask additional questions. 

Talk about How You are Feeling

As you go through many physical changes while pregnant, you may also go through emotional changes. Changes may feel like they are happening fast and you should talk to someone you trust about how you are feeling. Keeping your emotions bottled up can cause further stress and negative emotions to be present. 

During pregnancy, remember you are not alone. Reach out and share your emotions, whether they are good or bad, and talk about them. See what you can do to practice self-care whether it be journaling, cooking, listening to music or finding affirmations to say to yourself, among other activities. Being healthy emotionally and mentally is essential while pregnant and while not pregnant. 

These are some ways that can help you to have a health pregnancy before adoption. As you prepare to bring a new life into the world and start your adoption journey, remember to care for yourself and that Adoption Choices of Missouri is here for you every step of the way.  

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: Melissa Benedek is currently a junior at Bard College in Annandale-on-Hudson, New York. She is a Literature major with interest in American regional writing. One of her on-campus jobs focuses on organizing volunteer opportunities with local partnerships for students. She is also a founding editor of Sonnet Literary Magazine based out of her college campus.

When not focused on academics, Melissa enjoys traveling into New York City to support independent bookstores and buy the best cookies at Levain Bakery.

 

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Reasons Birth Fathers Choose Adoption

July 31, 2020

Reasons Birth Fathers Choose Adoption

Typically when we think of adoption, we think of the birth mother and her role. There is less discussion about birth fathers, their position in the adoption process and why they choose adoption for their child. This raises the stereotype that birth fathers are not present or known during the adoption journey. Such a generalization about birth fathers does not account for all birth fathers, including those who are present for adoption. 

It is important to acknowledge that present birth fathers do have an important role in the adoption journey, just as much as birth mothers. This week, Adoption Choices of Missouri will be discussing reasons birth fathers choose adoption. 

An Unplanned Pregnancy 

When a birth mother faces an unplanned pregnancy, the emotional and financial preparedness to raise a child are usually unplanned for as well. A birth father may still be finishing up earning a degree and securing a job as he establishes himself. Bringing a child into the world without necessary preparation can not only hinder a birth parent’s incomplete goals, but also prevent a birth parent from being 110% there for a child both emotionally, mentally and financially. Further, an unplanned pregnancy can show a birth father that he may not be ready or does not wish to be a parent at this time which is okay. 

Adoption is a great option to give your child the best possible life, and a selfless choice for an adoptive family to provide a strong, resourceful support system for him or her. 

Separated or Divorced from Birth Mother

Another reason why birth fathers choose adoption may be because they are no longer in a relationship or marriage with the birth mother. Co-parenting can be a challenge if a birth father and birth mother are not on the same page when it comes to raising a child. If a birth father no longer has contact with the birth mother of their child, it can be difficult for him to be a part of his child’s life. 

However, through adoption, a birth father can still have contact with his child and adoptive family, depending on the adoption agreement. Open adoption can be a great option for a birth father who is present even if he is no longer with the birth mother, because he still can have the opportunity to communicate with his child as he or she grows up.  

Without a Support System

Raising a child without the support of family members, friends and neighbors can be overwhelming. From childcare to education, raising a child is not a small feat. It takes a great amount of time, effort, care and most importantly love. Without having a support system to step in with childcare, whether it be helping to take your child to a doctor or pick him or her up from school, it can be a challenge for a birth parent to completely be mentally and emotionally present for his child. Without a support network a birth father may not be able to take care of his mental health which is essential for being a committed parent. Choosing adoption can ease the worry of lacking support for a birth father who knows that an adoptive family will be able to provide such support to his child.  

Being Proactive and Responsible

A birth father may choose adoption because he is thinking about the future of his child and wants to be optimistic about the situation. Choosing adoption can be a birth father’s way of being proactive and responsible as he understands his decision allows adoptive parents to create a family. A birth father’s choice of adoption for his child is a difficult and emotional one to make, but it can also demonstrate that he wants this for his child and made sure that he actively took the steps needed for adoption to happen. Taking responsibility for his child’s future to be happy, healthy and successful, further shows that a birth father is assured of his decision for adoption. 

Loving Your Child

A fundamental reason to choose adoption is because you love your child. The unconditional love you have for your child allows you to acknowledge and realize that you want the best for him or her. Choosing adoption is driven by your desire to seek advantages for your child and putting him or her first as you assess your life and make a life-changing decision. The choice of adoption is selfless and takes a lot of strength to make and go through with. It shows how much you love and care for your child as you want the best for him or her. 

This is by no means an exhaustive list of reasons birth fathers choose adoption. Whatever the reasons may be, they do not undermine adoption but uplift adoption as a great choice and opportunity for a child. Adoption Choices of Missouri sees and supports birth fathers along every part of their adoption journey. Know that if you are a birth father thinking about adoption, you do not have to be alone in the process. Please reach out to us and we’ll be more than happy to assist in every way possible.  

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: Melissa Benedek is currently a junior at Bard College in Annandale-on-Hudson, New York. She is a Literature major with interest in American regional writing. One of her on-campus jobs focuses on organizing volunteer opportunities with local partnerships for students. She is also a founding editor of Sonnet Literary Magazine based out of her college campus.

When not focused on academics, Melissa enjoys traveling into New York City to support independent bookstores and buy the best cookies at Levain Bakery.

 

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