Birth Mother Blog

Top 5 Myths about Birth Mothers in Missouri

Top 5 Myths about Birth Mothers 

Being a birth mother brings up certain perceptions that people may have of you. Perhaps you’ve run across some of them in your research about adoption or heard something a friend, family member or stranger has said that paints a negative image of who you are.

Here are 5 common myths about birth mothers that you may experience when sharing your own personal adoption journey.

Myths about Birth Mothers

  1. Birth Mothers don’t Love Their Children

As a birth mother, you have made the hard decision of going through with the adoption process. But you are choosing this because you don’t love your child. Just the opposite. You are choosing to place your child for adoption because you love your child more than anything in the world and want what’s best for him or her — even if that means you won’t be the one raising them. Choosing adoption is a selfless and courageous expression of you putting your child’s needs above your own, and ensuring that  they receive the love and care they deserve. 

  1. Birth Mothers don’t Want to be Parents

Parenthood is not for everyone. There is no shame in choosing adoption if you don’t feel like you want to be a parent. Or maybe you do, but the timing is right. If you are considering adoption because of the latter, or because you don’t have a strong support system and don’t want to raise your child alone — adoption is always an option. 

However, just because this unplanned pregnancy was not in your life plan does not mean you are not a parent or never will be. You will always be your child’s birth mother, no matter if you choose adoption or not. Being a parent is a lifelong commitment that takes careful planning and support. Not having these factors can make parenthood more challenging as a birth mother. 

  1. All Birth Mothers Struggle with Health Issues and Addictions

While many birth mothers may struggle with health issues and addictions, it is unfair to categorize all birth mothers this way.  Physical, mental, emotional or financial struggles can point birth mothers towards adoption because they want what’s best for their child. She understands that she is not in a place where she can give her child the life they deserve. 

But just because you may struggle with a health-related issue or addiction or some kind doesn’t mean that you don’t want your child or are incapable of raising him or her.  If you are a disabled birth mother, there is always support available to you. Having a disability or mental health issue does not decide if you want your child or your capabilities as a parent. Only you can make that choice and decide what is best for you and your baby. 

  1. Birth Mothers won’t Visit Their Child

This is not true. Many birth mothers want to visit their child. To be involved and want him or her to grow into the independent adult they are meant to be. 

As a birth mother, you can choose how open you want your adoption to be. How much contact you want with your child and their adoptive family, and if you want to visit your child after the adoption has been finalized. There are different stages of closeness that you can have with your child. Establishing a relationship with your child can be an unbroken bond. 

  1. Birth Mothers Regret Their Decision

Choosing to place your child for adoption is an extremely emotional and complex decision to make. However, this myth about birth mothers saying that you will regret your decision is unfair and disrespectful to you. By the time you walk into an adoption agency, you have given your choice a lot of thought and have come to terms with what it means for you and your child. 

So, while you may feel grief and loss, it’s unlikely you will experience regret. As a birth mother, you have decided to give your baby a chance at a better life. This is not easy, by any means, but Adoption Choices of Missouri has adoption counselors who are there to support, encourage and empower you before, during and after your adoption journey. 

Myths about Birth Mothers

Our adoption agency in Missouri accepts birth mothers from all walks of life. We do not think anything negative of your decision, and we will never judge you. We value you as a birth mother and will dismiss anyone who says anything different.

These common misconceptions of birth mothers are just ways for people to tell your story the way they want. Being a birth mother means that you are the only one who gets to know the pages of your personal adoption journey, whatever your story may be. 

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: Samara Wiley is a published author of poetry, essays, and an environmental children’s storybook called, Waiting for the Water Fairy. She graduated from Benedictine University in 2018 with a double Bachelor of Arts in English Literature and French.She has been published in three small poetry anthologies one was called Talented.

Her other writing accomplishments include: winning a high school poetry competition and $2500 for her high school, having two out of her five novels be considered for publication and writing movie critic reviews for her university’s newsletter. 

Although she has Cerebral Palsy and has had a turbulent childhood, Samara puts these small specs of herself into her writing to personally connect with her audience. She prides herself on pushing the boundaries in her writing and in her personal life with everything she does. Samara writes with her heart and a voice of compassion, and loves to pull from her top passions in life.

She currently lives in Yorkville, Illinois with her mom and two sisters.

Birth Mother Blog

What Should I Include in My Adoption Plan as a Birth Mother?

What Should I Include in My Adoption Plan as a Birth Mother?

Moving forward into unknown territory is always a little less overwhelming when you have a plan. If you are an expectant mother considering placing your baby for adoption, Adoption Choices of Missouri will match you with an adoption counselor who will help you come up with an adoption plan. This creates stability throughout the adoption process and ensures that you don’t face any surprises along the way. 

With our adoption agency, the adoption plan that you create will be unique to you. We understand that the needs of each birth mother differ and we are here to support your choices. There are several different areas that you can address in your adoption plan as a birth mother

  1. Choosing Your Child’s Adoptive Family 

You are in control when it comes to making decisions about your child’s adoptive family. Before selecting an adoptive family, you will have the opportunity to come up with a list of values that are important to you. When you are looking at profiles for possible adoptive families, you can refer back to this list to ensure that the family you choose shares some of your beliefs if that is a priority for you. 

Additionally, you will have the opportunity to speak on the phone with any adoptive family that you are considering before you meet them in-person. After you meet with any potential adoptive families, the choice to move forward with them in the adoption process always remains with you. Your adoption counselor will be there to support any decision that you make. We will work together to  find a loving and stable adoptive family for your child. 

  1. Putting Together Your Hospital/Birth Plans

Birth plans are as unique as the birth mothers they are made for. With your adoption counselor, you can formulate a birth plan that fits your individual needs. You might include any preferences for pain management during labor or who you would like to have with you in the delivery room, if anyone. You can also include details about what kind of atmosphere will offer you maximum comfort and security during your birth as well as specifics around care for your baby immediately following delivery. 

You will have the option whether or not to include your child’s adoptive family in the birth. You can discuss the level that you’d like them to be involved during your delivery with them, as well as your adoption counselor. Making arrangements ahead of time will make the adoption process smoother. Additionally, incorporating a birth plan into your adoption plan can provide a sense of comfort and stability. 

  1. Determining The Type of Adoption You Want

There are several different types of adoption for you to consider when creating your plan.Your adoption counselor will educate you around the different benefits of an open, semi-open, or closed adoption. We understand that this decision can be an emotional one and we are here to offer as much support as possible. When you have decided which type of adoption best fits your personal preference, it will be included in your adoption plan. 

  1. Communicating with Adoptive Family during Pregnancy 

Another factor to consider when creating an adoption plan is how you would like to communicate with your child’s adoptive family, if at all, during pregnancy. As with all aspects of your adoption plan, this decision resides with you, but your adoption counselor will be there to offer guidance as well. You can choose to communicate with your child’s adoptive family as much or as little as you feel comfortable with throughout your pregnancy. 

What Should I Include in My Adoption Plan as a Birth Mother

Your adoption plan will be unique to you. These are simply a few of the areas you might include in your own individual plan. Our top priority at Adoption Choices of Missouri is that you feel supported and confident throughout your adoption journey. Creating an adoption plan as a birth mother can provide security at every point throughout this process and relieve the stress of planning in the moment. 

At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we want to ensure that your adoption plan is complete, so that you are free to focus on you and your child’s health throughout your pregnancy. 

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: Molly Doyle is a native San Franciscan, Molly is an experienced educator and a dedicated writer. She holds her multiple subject teaching credential as well as her Masters of Arts in Teaching. When not teaching children or creating new written pieces, Molly can be found kicking around a soccer ball, going for urban hikes or whipping up a fruit pie. 

She currently lives in Seattle, her first home outside of California. 

Birth Mother Blog

Facts about Open Adoption that Might Surprise You as a Birth Mother in Missouri

Facts about Open Adoption that Might Surprise You as a Birth Mother in Missouri

When it comes to placing your child for adoption in Missouri, one of the more popular options in the adoption world today is to take the route of an open adoption. At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we strongly encourage our birth mothers to consider this as an option, as we believe that it establishes a clear relationship between you, your child and their adoptive parents.  It has also been shown that open adoptions have more positive impacts on the adoption triad than semi-open or closed adoption plans.

In fact, there are many benefits to open adoption, many of which might surprise you. Here are some facts about open adoption that you might not be aware of. 

  • You get to Establish a Relationship with Your Child

One of the main advantages of an open adoption is that there is, ideally, an unhindered range of communication between you, birth mother, your child, and their adoptive parents. It allows your child or baby to nurture a strong relationship with their mother or birth parents. For future children who may want to know who their mothers are or where their family history comes from, this is an easy passage of access for them to find out. For many birth mothers, this is exactly what they want — to still be involved in their child’s lives and be present for their upbringing, even through their adoption. 

Not only can birth parents keep and sustain a relationship with their child, but you are also given the opportunity to form a lasting friendship with the adoptive parents as well. Seeing both their adoptive parents and birth parents coexisting in harmony and partnership will leave a lasting positive impact on your child. Working together for the betterment of your child is exactly the kind of environment every baby needs to grow up happy and healthy.

  • You can Establish a Relationship with Your Child’s Adoptive Parents

Birth mothers are given the freedom to pick what family they believe is right for their baby. It will always come down to you and who you are most comfortable with raising your child. As a birth mother, you have the right to evaluate, vent, and talk to the prospective adoptive family to see if they are the best fit for your baby. You will always have the chance to ask questions and get some answers to any concerns you may have when giving up your baby for adoption. You can exchange personal contact information, gain some background about the adoptive parent(s), and give some information on yourself if you feel the situation calls for that too. Dialogue is important in making the right choice for yourself and for your baby, but also creates the first stepping stones in maintaining that communication in the future when your child grows or ages. 

Open adoption can be on a spectrum. You set the terms and you decide how you would like things to flow. You are in control of what happens here and now. It is always in your hands on what you believe should be done that will make you and your baby happiest. Adoption Choices of Missouri will provide every resource to set the stage for you and your baby.

  • Open Adoptions Positively Impact You and Your Child

For many birth mothers when first placing their baby for adoption, they may suffer some form of post-adoption guilt or grief that can affect their psychological health. Setting up an open adoption and still being a part of your baby’s life can help alleviate some of that grief. Some birth mothers can sometimes even experience a form of regret, but with an open adoption that has been set up by your own negotiation and terms lowers the chance of that happening. Remember that you are providing your child with a better chance at life and you are still watching them grow up. 

Not only do open adoptions benefit you as the birth mother, but it also positively impacts your child. Having that free channel of communication between you and your child helps him or her with their sense of identity, and gives them a chance to learn more about you and their origin. 

  • Open Adoption Creates an Extended Family

In an open adoption, you can create a new kind of extended family. One that includes you and your family, your child, and their adoptive family. This, in turn, forms a community of love and support for your child. They will have no shortage of family as they grow up!

Open adoption allows you to play an important role in the adoption process. Not only are you the bridge between you and your child’s adoptive family, but you are also the key to unlocking all of your child’s questions as they become the thriving adult they are meant to be. It’s all too easy to feel alone or have unanswerable questions for you and your child in the adoption journey, but open adoptions have so much potential for love and strong, healthy relationships. In an open adoption, every member of the adoption triad gets their needs met and are better for it. 

Facts about Open Adoption

As a birth mother considering adoption for your child, we understand how challenging and emotional of a decision this is. Yet, you don’t need to suffer through your hardships alone. With our supportive staff by your side, and loving adoptive parents also in the picture, you can give your child their best chance at life and you can have peace of mind knowing that he or she will always be cared for. 

If curious about any more facts about open adoption or your available adoption choices when placing your child for adoption, do not hesitate to contact us for any lingering questions or concerns. We are here to help you.

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the AuthorMy name is Alexander Charles Cooper, I come from a family of four that originates from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I, along with my younger brother Greyson were born in North Carolina, three years after my parents had wed and moved to the state. Alexander shares his birthday with Maya Angelou, which he takes great pride in. 

Growing up, Alexander had the privilege of having both parents in his life and a stable upbringing in which he was surrounded by family and friends. He believes that much of his family foundation is built on faith which has given him a discipline and practice that has allowed him to discover and build his spiritual self. He is also interested in politics and worldly news that allows him to excel in American literature, philosophy/ethics, and higher learning. 

From that, his passion in writing bloomed and he found his true calling: “I wished to create and write for a living and know it will be what makes me happiest. My only wish is for me to bring about positive change for others both near and far and leave a lasting legacy that contributes to the overall wellbeing and joy of others.”

Birth Mother Blog

Can I Place My Baby for Adoption with the Same Adoption Agency I used Before? Tips for Birth Mothers who are Experiencing a Second Unplanned Pregnancy 

Can I Place My Baby for Adoption with the Same Adoption Agency I used Before?

Tips for Birth Mothers who are Experiencing a Second Unplanned Pregnancy 

Experiencing an unplanned pregnancy for the second time can have you feeling overwhelmed. In fact, it may seem like you are on an emotional roller coaster — especially if you’ve just recently placed your first baby for adoption and your circumstances haven’t changed. That’s okay and completely understandable. Choosing adoption once is hard enough, so being faced with it again so soon doesn’t help.

You may be wondering: I’m pregnant again. Can I place my baby for adoption with the same adoption agency I used before? Will I be judged for getting pregnant again so soon? I can’t be a mother right now. What do I do?

Adoption Choices of Missouri is here to let you know that no matter if this is your first or fourth unplanned pregnancy, you can absolutely place your baby for adoption with us. Our licensed adoption agency is a non-judgemental facility. We welcome multiple placements and will not turn you away. No matter what your circumstances, we will provide you with the kindness, care and support you deserve as a birth mother. 

Placing Your Baby with the Same Adoption Agency

To begin, we want to set your mind at ease. Multiple placements are more common than you think, so there’s no need to worry about that part of it. You will be treated with just as much respect, compassion and support as you did any other time you worked with us. That will not change. So, you should feel right at home. After all, you’ve walked with us before and have established a relationship with us. You know what to expect and were confident that you provided your child a chance at a better life.

If you choose to place another baby with our adoption agency, you know that Adoption Choices of Missouri will guide you through every step of your adoption journey and ensure that your experience will be just as empowering and positive as last time. You can even work with the same adoption caseworker, if you’d like.

Going Through the Adoption Process Again

Placing a second child for adoption may seem like a tough choice. However, it may be a little less stressful as you have gone through this process before. You can decide to do things similarly, or you can try something different. It’s completely up to you. 

Although you might know what to expect, that does not take away from feeling a whirlwind of emotions.This time around, you may experience different things than you did the first time, such as feelings of guilt, uncertainty or increased anxiety. As a birth mother, these feelings are perfectly natural. You can even speak with a birth parent counselor or join a support group to help process and work through these feelings throughout your adoption journey.

Placing Your Child with Your First Child’s Adoptive Family 

If you have a strong connection with your first child’s adoptive family, you can ask your adoption caseworker if it’s possible to place your second child with them. This way, your children can grow up and bond with their biological siblings. As an agency, we do everything we can to give your children a chance to grow up together. However, it’s important to remember that it’s up to your first child’s adoptive parents if they are able or willing to adopt a second child.

In some cases, adoptive parents are more than happy to welcome a sibling into the family, which can give you great comfort and reassurance as a birth mother. If the adoptive parents are unable to do this, though, it may be for a variety of different reasons. But don’t worry. Your adoption caseworker will do what they can to ensure that your children are able to remain in contact and establish a relationship with each other, even from two different adoptive families.

Can I Place My Baby through the Same Adoption Agency?

Second time adoption may come with a lot of anxiety as you are placing another one of your children for adoption. However, going through the adoption process a second time, you may have a more detailed adoption plan than you had previously and a better idea of how the process works. You may also choose to do things differently this time, too, if you want other kinds of opportunities for your second child. 

But no matter if you are a second time birth mother or fourth, you will get the understanding and comfort you need. Our licensed adoption professionals will hear your concerns throughout your adoption journey. No matter how many times you travel down the road of adoption as a birth mother, Adoption Choices of Missouri is here to support you and will make sure that your child gets the loving home that he or she deserves. 

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: Samara Wiley is a published author of poetry, essays, and an environmental children’s storybook called, Waiting for the Water Fairy. She graduated from Benedictine University in 2018 with a double Bachelor of Arts in English Literature and French.She has been published in three small poetry anthologies one was called Talented.

Her other writing accomplishments include: winning a high school poetry competition and $2500 for her high school, having two out of her five novels be considered for publication and writing movie critic reviews for her university’s newsletter. 

Although she has Cerebral Palsy and has had a turbulent childhood, Samara puts these small specs of herself into her writing to personally connect with her audience. She prides herself on pushing the boundaries in her writing and in her personal life with everything she does. Samara writes with her heart and a voice of compassion, and loves to pull from her top passions in life.

She currently lives in Yorkville, Illinois with her mom and two sisters.

Birth Mother Blog

Top 3 Reasons to Place Your Baby for Adoption in Missouri

Top 3 Reasons to Place Your Baby for Adoption in Missouri

Are you an expectant mother living in Missouri? Are you considering placing your baby for adoption? If you answered yes to either of these questions, you might be researching some of the top reasons to place your baby for adoption in Missouri. The good news is that there are endless benefits to choosing adoption-for both you and your baby.

Adoption Choices of Missouri is a wonderful option for any birth mother facing an unplanned pregnancy. Whatever your personal reasons for choosing adoption, we can help with all of your physical and mental needs during pregnancy and beyond.

  1. You can Receive Financial Assistance 

One of your reasons for considering adoption might be related to finances. If this is the case, you could be wondering if it is possible to receive financial support during your pregnancy. While each state has specific laws regarding the extent to which adoptive parents can provide financial assistance, the good news is that the state of Missouri does allow this type of financial involvement. This means that during your pregnancy, you may be eligible for help with some of your pregnancy-related expenses. 

What kinds of expenses might be eligible for coverage or assistance? Anything directly related to your health and well-being during the pregnancy, as well as that of your child. This includes rent and utilities, food, groceries and maternity clothing. The amount of assistance given is determined by need, so you need to meet with your adoption caseworker to create a list of your individual expenses and needs. Once the amount and type of financial support has been decided, your adoption caseworker will work as quickly as possible to make these supports available to you.

  1. You can Create an Adoption Plan

Facing an unplanned pregnancy is an emotional journey and can be a difficult one to face alone. Fortunately, with Adoption Choices of Missouri, you will receive support throughout your pregnancy and the adoption process. You will be matched with an adoption caseworker who will be your guide and help you navigate the adoption process. While all important decisions are still yours to make, it can be helpful to have someone to discuss them with. If you are experiencing a lack of support from family or friends, this is an opportunity to receive the help and connections that you need. 

Your adoption plan will be unique to you. This means that you will work with your adoption caseworker to include any facets in your plan that are important to you. These can include components about your birth plan or specific details about what you’d like the communication with your adoptive family to look like moving forward. The number one goal at Adoption Choices of Missouri is to ensure that you are comfortable with all of your choices and supported throughout the decision-making process. 

When you Choose Adoption you can Choose your Child’s Adoptive Family

The adoption plan in Missouri that your adoption caseworker will help you create takes into account your choice of the adoptive family as well as your preferred type of adoption. You will be able to discuss your own values and beliefs, which will ensure that you know what to look for when choosing your child’s adoptive family. This will also ensure that the adoptive family you choose will raise your child in a household that shares your beliefs, if that is important to you. You will have the opportunity to speak to any family you select on the phone, as well as in person, and the decision of moving forward with the selection remains with you.

Another piece of your adoption plan will be the type of adoption that you wish to have. With Adoption Choices of Missouri, you can select from three different types of adoptions – open, semi-open or closed adoption. Please be sure to consult with your adoption caseworker to determine which is the best fit for you and your baby.

  1. All Mothers are Welcome

When making the decision to place your baby for adoption, it is important to feel welcomed and safe at the adoption agency you choose. Adoption Choices of Missouri is open to birth mothers from all walks of life, and we pride ourselves on our welcoming and supportive staff. We are here to assist in your adoption journey regardless of any factors such as age, income level, sexual orientation or religious affiliation. What is important to us is the safety of you and your child, as well as ensuring that your baby is placed with a caring and responsible adoptive family. 

Reasons to Place your Baby for Adoption in Missouri

While these are just some of the reasons to place your baby for adoption in Missouri, there are endless positive benefits for you as a birth mother. Adoption is a life-changing event for you, your child and the adoptive family. It can ensure the best possible life for your baby and can bring a shared joy to you and the adoptive family. 

You and your child’s well-being is our top priority. We are here to make sure that you feel confident and supported throughout your journey. If you have questions or concerns at any point during the adoption process, please reach out and let us know. Our goal is to ensure that you have a smooth journey and are able to benefit from all that Adoption Choices of Missouri has to offer. 

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the AuthorA native San Franciscan, Molly is an experienced educator and a dedicated writer. She holds her multiple subject teaching credential as well as her Masters of Arts in Teaching. When not teaching children or creating new written pieces, Molly can be found kicking around a soccer ball, going for urban hikes or whipping up a fruit pie. 

She currently lives in Seattle, her first home outside of California.

Birth Mother Blog

The Top 5 Reasons Why Birth Mothers should Recognize National Adoption Month

The Top 5 Reasons Why Birth Mothers should Recognize National Adoption Month

National Adoption Month happens every November, and is a time where the community comes together to celebrate all things adoption. This can range from informative seminars to guest speaking of leaders in the community, to many other celebratory events. It is a well-anticipated occurrence for all who want to learn about the adoption industry or who are already involved in it. 

If you are a birth mother who is considering adoption in Missouri, this is an excellent opportunity for you to learn and educate yourself more about the adoption process, your available options and adoption as a whole. Not only could you find this helpful, but you’ll also become empowered and encouraged to make an otherwise difficult choice. 

Here are five reasons why birth mothers should recognize National Adoption Month.

1. You will be Surrounded by Supportive, Loving Community

Being around like-minded people in similar situations can be such an illuminating experience for birth mothers and anyone in general. Whether pregnant or a new mother, the new transition to this journey can sometimes be overwhelming. It always helps to have some people or resources to help ease the craziness of it all.

National Adoption Month is a gathering of people from all walks of life and perspectives that can help enlighten and encourage you through any circumstances you may find yourself in.The various events and support options will remind you that, no matter what you are facing, you are not alone. Another expectant mother has or is going through a similar situation right now, giving you someone to find and connect with. Through this networking of communication, birth mothers can make new friends and possibly lifelong bonds that will only benefit you in the future. This includes our adoption agency.Adoption Choices of Missouri always works with love and support in mind. 

2. You have Access to a Hub of Information

With so many people, organizations, and communities coming together, you have the amazing chance to learn about others’ adoption journeys, how you could get started and become informed about what to expect when you begin the adoption process. Knowing all of this can provide you with a great peace of mind and reduce your stress. It can also make adoption not seem as scary or overwhelming. 

National Adoption Month definitely supplies you with a hub of information, where you can gather resources that could help with your pregnancy and decision to place your baby for adoption. Support groups are one of these available resources — especially if the group is created just for birth mothers. Here, you can feel comfortable asking your questions and voicing your concerns, because you know that you are in an encouraging and compassionate group of women who can understand and relate to what you are experiencing.

Birth mothers will have the chance to possibly learn about some new adoption resources that could help with their pregnancy or connect with others that can assist them on things they may be struggling with. Parenthood is an arduous path but not a lonely one, visionaries and leaders can provide some wisdom in helping you through those times.

Any questions or possible concerns you may have can be counseled and hopefully answered at these events. When acquiring this knowledge you will be equipping yourself to help another mother or person who may be seeking the same answers to questions you once sought after.

3. You can Share Your Adoption Journey

Whether you have placed a baby for adoption or are currently considering it as an option, National Adoption Month gives the opportunity to share your experience with others. This can be with friends, family, adoption professionals or other birth mothers. If you have established a relationship with them, the month of November could provide you with the chance to tell your child their adoption story and how you came to the decision you did.

It’s all too easy to feel alone as a birth mother, but National Adoption Month can change that for you. Attending an event, seminar or support group meeting is the first step and shows your appreciation for how the community is honoring and respecting how you chose adoption. From there, you can determine what you’d like to become more involved in and share what you are experiencing. 

You may find that opening up like this will grant you insight into others’ adoption journeys as well, and that they may give you the name of the adoption agency — like Adoption Choices of Missouri — that they worked with. So, don’t be shy. Share your story. Learn from others. This is your moment, this is your time.  

4. You are an Amazing Cornerstone in the Adoption Process

Birth mothers are one of the many cornerstones of adoption. The pillars who make homes, loving environments, and carry the mantle of responsibility of caring for and nurturing a child. Mothers and parents make sacrifices all throughout the year, whether during the pregnancy or after. When putting your baby up for adoption, you are making the ultimate sacrifice as a birth mother. You are willingly putting your child’s needs above your own and providing him or her with the chance to live their best life. 

We understand the hardship and how bittersweet it can be to choose adoption for you and your baby. That you want what’s best for him or her, and doing everything you can to make that happen. We acknowledge the countless hours of worrying, thinking, and planning that goes in this decision. If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy during National Adoption Month, know that you can reach out to one of our adoption counselors. This will provide you with a safe, confidential and nonjudgmental space for you to process your thoughts and emotions. To ask questions, to address your concerns, and to seek solace in the opportunities that you and your child will receive through the adoption process.

5. Others get to Celebrate You 

Another one of the reasons why birth mothers should recognize National Adoption Month is because you are a valued member of the adoption triad. Without you, your child and the adoption process wouldn’t exist. There are so many who are grateful to you and other birth mothers, and who have had their lives changed because of your decision.

So, sometime this month, set aside time for you. Practice self care. Do an activity that you enjoy or something that you haven’t been able to do for awhile. Relax. Think of all the other birth mothers who have gone before you, and who may be currently going through what you are. You are important. Relish this, breathe in the positive energy and have some fun. Take pride that you play an important role in helping adoptive parents’ dreams come true. That you are providing a better future for not only yourself, but also your future child. 

For Birth Mothers during National Adoption Month

To learn more about National Adoption Month, click here and take a deeper dive into what this beautiful time of year means. Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the AuthorMy name is Alexander Charles Cooper, I come from a family of four that originates from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I, along with my younger brother Greyson were born in North Carolina, three years after my parents had wed and moved to the state. Alexander shares his birthday with Maya Angelou, which he takes great pride in. 

Growing up, Alexander had the privilege of having both parents in his life and a stable upbringing in which he was surrounded by family and friends. He believes that much of his family foundation is built on faith which has given him a discipline and practice that has allowed him to discover and build his spiritual self. He is also interested in politics and worldly news that allows him to excel in American literature, philosophy/ethics, and higher learning. 

From that, his passion in writing bloomed and he found his true calling: “I wished to create and write for a living and know it will be what makes me happiest. My only wish is for me to bring about positive change for others both near and far and leave a lasting legacy that contributes to the overall wellbeing and joy of others.”

 

Birth Mother Blog

7  Ways for Birth Mothers to Celebrate National Adoption Month 

7  Ways for Birth Mothers to Celebrate National Adoption Month

National Adoption Month, which takes place during the month of November, is an important time to celebrate birth mothers, adoptees, adoptive parents and adoption as a whole. If you are a birth mother considering adoption for your child, the month of November provides you with the amazing opportunity of learning all things adoption. In doing so, you can ease your stress, worries and anxieties of what the adoption process entails and what to expect as you begin your own adoption journey.

At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we support and care for birth mothers. We want you to know  that you are valued and respected, and that we celebrate you. Choosing to place your child for adoption is not an easy decision, but it is part of what makes National Adoption Month so special. Without you wanting what’s best for your child, adoption wouldn’t exist. For this reason, we want to take a moment and provide you with seven ways that you, as a birth mother, can celebrate National Adoption Month.

Ways for Birth Mothers to Celebrate National Adoption Month

1. One-on-One Time with Your Child

Depending on your adoption plan, you may want to spend one-on-one time with your child during this month. This could include doing creative activities like painting together or visiting a fun center. Spending quality time with your child will help strengthen the bond between you both.

2. Attending an Adoption-related Event

As a birth mother, you may want to celebrate National Adoption Month by going on a special birth mother retreat with your child and his or her adoptive family, or  attend an adoption-themed event with them. This type of celebration gives you a chance to establish a closer relationship with your child and their family while learning more about adoption and having fun.

3. Private Birth Mother Reflection

National Adoption Month may be a bittersweet month for you to celebrate. You may feel overwhelmed by so many emotions and just want to celebrate alone for a day. This is perfectly natural and okay for you to do. You can look through photos, or make a book filled with advice for your child as they grow up. You could also go for a walk, write in your private journey, or do something else that helps you reflect and process what you’re feeling.

4. Create a Memory Album

Another way you can celebrate National Adoption Month is by creating a photo/memory album. Using the images you have before and after your child’s birth, you can organize it so that it tells your child’s adoption story. When they are older, or start asking questions about where they came from, you can present this memory album to them or present it as a gift. This is also a great way to store your child’s important life moments and milestones.

5. Write a Thank you Note to Your Child’s Adoptive Parents

Whether you are in the process of placing your child, or you have placed your child already, you can write a note to your child’s adoptive parents expressing your gratitude. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy or long, but a handwritten note can be a treasured gift, especially in this age of technology. Writing a thank you note to your child’s adoptive parents is a great way to show them how much you care and appreciate them raising your child.

6. Share Your Adoption Story

Throughout the month of November, you may notice many adoptees, birth mothers and adoptive parents sharing their experiences about adoption via online platforms, such as Facebook. There also may be designated sharers at adoption-related events. If you feel comfortable doing so, you could celebrate National Adoption Month by doing something similar. Perhaps you’ve always wanted to connect with other birth mothers and help them with their adoption journeys. To provide support, comfort and guidance. To give them more insight into adoption, especially if they are wanting to place their baby for adoption. National Adoption Month is an excellent time to do that.

7. Read an Adoption-themed Book

Reading an adoption-themed book is another great way to help you learn about adoption and the benefits it can have on your life — and that of your child’s. There are many good resources available — nonfiction and fiction — that can give you a glimpse of the expectations, challenges and overall impact the adoption journey can have. Be sure to check out your library or local bookstore to see what you can find. Ask the librarian or sales clerk to help you search if you aren’t able to locate anything right away.

Birth Mother Advice for National Adoption Month

There are many ways for birth mothers to celebrate National Adoption Month. The options above are non-exhaustive, yet we hope that they provide you with a good starting point.

As a birth mother, you are instrumental to the adoption journey. If you are considering adoption for your child, National Adoption Month is a great time to learn about the adoption process and adoption as a whole. Know that you can always reach out to our adoption agency in Missouri if you have questions or concerns about what the adoption process looks like and what you can expect when you begin your own adoption journey. We want to make sure that you have all the information you need to know, so that you have the most positive experience possible. We are so grateful for your loving and courageous choice and want to celebrate you and give back in any way we can.

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: Samara Wiley is a published author of poetry, essays, and an environmental children’s storybook called, Waiting for the Water Fairy. She graduated from Benedictine University in 2018 with a double Bachelor of Arts in English Literature and French.She has been published in three small poetry anthologies one was called Talented.

Her other writing accomplishments include: winning a high school poetry competition and $2500 for her high school, having two out of her five novels be considered for publication and writing movie critic reviews for her university’s newsletter. 

Although she has Cerebral Palsy and has had a turbulent childhood, Samara puts these small specs of herself into her writing to personally connect with her audience. She prides herself on pushing the boundaries in her writing and in her personal life with everything she does. Samara writes with her heart and a voice of compassion, and loves to pull from her top passions in life.

She currently lives in Yorkville, Illinois with her mom and two sisters.

Birth Mother Blog

I’m Pregnant: What do I do? Options for an Unplanned Pregnancy for Birth Mothers in Missouri

I’m Pregnant: What do I do? Options for an Unplanned Pregnancy for Birth Mothers in Missouri

Whether planned or unplanned, pregnancy can be a scary thing for a new mother. It is a transition of both body and mind. Your whole life can be upended by it, which can cause quite a stir for your daily routine. But it does not have to be that way. Adoption Choices of Missouri is here to help. 

Some questions come to mind to a birth mother when an unplanned pregnancy happens:

  • What are my options and what can I do with them?
  • What resources are there available or do I have to help me and my child?
  • Am I ready to be a parent?
  • Who can I turn to?

With these questions running in mind, we are actively working to ease the burden of them and provide every feasible possibility to make it as easy of a transition as we can. There are three different options for an unplanned pregnancy in Missouri that you can choose from as an expectant woman: 

  1. Terminate the Pregnancy

An option you have is to consider whether or not you want to terminate your pregnancy. If you do not feel like you are able to be a parent, or if you didn’t foresee yourself having children at all, you have the right to choose to have an abortion. You will want to make sure and do adequate research, though, as abortion laws can vary greatly by state.

In the state of Missouri, you can have an abortion up to 22 weeks. After that, unless there is a life-threatening issue with your health, abortion is prohibited. It is important to note that Missouri requires that each and every expectant mother undergo mandatory counseling 72 hours prior to the procedure. Additionally, if you are under the age of eighteen, you must gain parental consent before you are able to terminate your pregnancy.

  1. Parent Your Child

Another option a birth mother can consider when faced with an unplanned pregnancy is to take the first steps into parenthood. This responsibility is greatly bittersweet and a rewarding one for mothers who seek it. If you feel you are in a good place and have the necessary resources to give your child a happy life, parenthood could be the best route. It is a huge undertaking, so you should make sure to do your research and learn all you can on what raising a child would look like.

Bringing a child into your life is not something you have to do alone. Immediate family, friends are all people who can aid you in your new journey. If your child’s birth father is in the picture and supportive, he could be involved as well. A community of people together with the child in mind gives it a loving environment to thrive in and allows the mother to keep a nurturing atmosphere as she embarks on the journey with them. 

  1. Place Your Baby for Adoption

If termination and parenting are not viable decisions in your book, another available option is to place your baby for adoption in Missouri. Perhaps you are not in a place where you can provide for your child. Perhaps you are in college or working hard in your career. Maybe you didn’t picture yourself having children at all. Life changes or even future plans/endeavors you have are not exactly fitting for a child in life right now. Whatever your situation, adoption is an option. 

Adoption allows you to give your child the life that you are unable to provide. Through our licensed adoption agency, you will have full control over the adoption process, what adoptive family your child is placed with, and the level of contact that happens afterwards. Placing your baby for adoption with us comes at no cost to you, and you will have access to many other free services, including counseling, financial assistance if you’re found eligible, and more. Even after the baby is born and you are feeling overwhelmed by the changes in your life, adoption is still a viable course of action you can take. 

Adoptions Choices of Missouri can help provide a planned out adoption plan for you to ensure that they get every need they require to grow up happy. It can be a difficult time and a harrowing experience for new mothers, but our team of highly-trained and specialized adoption professionals will support you every step of the way and ensure that both you and your child have the opportunity for a brighter future. 

Options for an Unplanned Pregnancy in Missouri

It’s natural to feel overwhelmed when experiencing an unplanned pregnancy. But, no matter what, you are in control. It is always your decision what happens, and  what you see as the best future for yourself and your baby. With the options listed above, there is no right or wrong. Only what is best for the both of you. You are in complete control of that choice. No one should force you or choose for you. 

Remember that you are not alone. Adoption Choices of Missouri is here to support, encourage and empower you to the best of our abilities. We will respect whatever choice you make, and are more than happy to put your doubts and concerns to rest. If you’d like some extra information on how to choose, here are some frequently asked questions that may give you further insight into what’s best for you and your baby.

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the AuthorMy name is Alexander Charles Cooper, I come from a family of four that originates from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I, along with my younger brother Greyson were born in North Carolina, three years after my parents had wed and moved to the state. Alexander shares his birthday with Maya Angelou, which he takes great pride in. 

Growing up, Alexander had the privilege of having both parents in his life and a stable upbringing in which he was surrounded by family and friends. He believes that much of his family foundation is built on faith which has given him a discipline and practice that has allowed him to discover and build his spiritual self. He is also interested in politics and worldly news that allows him to excel in American literature, philosophy/ethics, and higher learning. 

From that, his passion in writing bloomed and he found his true calling: “I wished to create and write for a living and know it will be what makes me happiest. My only wish is for me to bring about positive change for others both near and far and leave a lasting legacy that contributes to the overall wellbeing and joy of others.”

Birth Mother Blog

How to Talk to Your Child about Adoption as a Birth Mother

How to Talk to Your Child about Adoption as a Birth Mother

The love you have for your child knows no bounds. You have selflessly entered the adoption journey, and are making all the painstaking decisions to give him or her their best chance at life. So far, you’ve chosen what type of adoption you want and your child’s adoptive parents. Yet, in the back of your mind, there’s a nagging question: What will my child think of me? How will I ever tell them why I had to place them for adoption? Will I be able to?

This stressor and fear is natural. After all, you want what’s best for your child and are doing everything you can to make that happen. At the same time, though, you know there will come a day when your son or daughter wants to know about you and where they came from. Do you leave this up to their adoptive parents? Perhaps. But what if your child wants to hear their adoption story from you directly?

The Inner Struggle

Both birth mothers and adoptees struggle with insecurities, whether they realize this or not. Each of them wonder what the other is like, and want to know more. For birth mothers, this desire centers around knowing that your child is happy, healthy and safe in their adoptive family. You may also fear that your child will be less loved, supported or cared for because he or she is not genetically related. Or, that your child will grow up resentful and not want to know you. For adoptees, this curiosity leans more towards knowing where they came from and why he or she was placed for adoption.

All of these thoughts and feelings are valid. Yet, through the miracle that is adoption and having the opportunity to talk with your child about their adoption story, many, if not all, of these fears can be debunked and put to rest. 

When to Talk about Adoption

We understand that talking about adoption with your son or daughter may feel intimidating. Immediate concerns of when is the right time can arise, coupled with how much detail to include. Worries surrounding how they will react and how you should appropriately handle this intermingle as well. But know that you are not alone and everything is going to be okay. Adoption Choices of Missouri is ready and willing to support you in any way we can.

Let’s tackle the “when” together. Research recommends that starting early is optimal. It establishes a familiarity around the topic, and opens the lines of communication between you and your son or daughter. Before the age of five, especially, your child needs to know that they are adopted and are living with their forever families. When curiosity heightens after that, further detail can be added. Talking to your child in age-appropriate stages helps you both bond and develop a strong, lifelong and healthy relationship.

What to Say

Depending on their age, your son or daughter may ask anywhere from, “Mommy, did I grow in your tummy?” to “Why was I given up? Was I not wanted?” Be sure to keep your explanations simple, direct and honest. If there is sensitive information regarding their background, save that for when they’re older and have the ability to understand it. Explain that you chose to place him or her for adoption because you love them deeply. That there is nothing wrong with them and that adoption is a positive thing. That your choice doesn’t mean you didn’t love them or didn’t want them, but that it meant the opposite.

Encourage your child to share their thoughts and feelings and to ask any additional questions. Remember that they may ask you some pretty tough and uncomfortable questions, and that they may need time to process the information before responding. They may need to grieve, just as you did after they were born.

If you’re struggling with how to approach the conversation, be sure to consult with your adoption caseworker or adoption counselor for guidance.

How to Talk about Adoption with Your Child

If you have an open adoption agreement with your child’s adoptive parents, you may have the opportunity to talk about adoption with your child directly at some point. We know that this can feel overwhelming, and that it could be a very vulnerable conversation for you to have with him or her, but it could also be very beneficial. It could bring about deep healing and establish a stronger bound between you both.

 

Adoptive Family Birth Mother Blog

An Adoption Story – A Life-Changing Decision: Amy Hammack

A Life-Changing Decision: Amy Hammack

“Living an experience is to know it. For the birth mother, however, living the experience and understanding the totality of the experience may take a lifetime journey.” — Donna Portuesi, from  “Impact of the Birthmother’s Experience, Then and Now

You’re 16. Six months pregnant. No one knows. You had done your best hiding the reality of a new life growing inside you. Even from your parents. The due date was quickly approaching, and you know you want to make a plan for adoption, but nothing’s prepared yet. You don’t feel like you can tell anyone because of the shame, but soon you won’t be able to hide anymore. What do you do?

For Amy Hammack, this was the beginning of her adoption journey. The moment in her life when everything changed. I had the privilege of hearing Amy’s story, and marveled at her strength and bravery. What she went through to give her son the best life possible is a rich example of a mother’s love.

The following interview is used with Amy’s expressed permission, including the use of her name. Her son, Robb Dow, has also given consent to the use of his name. Other names of friends and family, however, have been altered for the sake of privacy.

RR: When did you decide to make a plan for adoption?

AH: I was doing a lot of babysitting at the time. I babysat for this woman named Caitlyn. She had her child at a young age, too…she had had her first kid at 16, and her second three years later, and I saw her abuse them from time to time. I was more of a mother to her kids than she was…they used to call me “mommy.”

I babysat for another woman, and I could see she was a very loving mother. That’s when I decided I wanted to choose adoption.

I hid my pregnancy for the first six months. I didn’t tell my parents because I was ashamed. For your first pregnancy, it takes a while for you to show. I was just starting to show a baby lump, and I started wearing baggier clothes. My mother worked a second shift — both my parents, actually — so they didn’t see me much. Then, on the weekends, I tried to stay at friends’ places.

RR: How did you go about telling your parents?

AH: How I told them was through a friend of mine. I hadn’t been to the doctor because I was so freaked out, and he confirmed it there. He said, “You are this far along” and started to give me options. Did I want to keep the baby? I was Catholic, so I didn’t believe in abortion. He talked to me about adoption, which I kinda already knew about.

So, after that, I ran away. I didn’t go to school, and moved in with my friend. My parents didn’t know. I called and said I wasn’t coming home. They told me that no, I needed to come home so we could face this together.

I didn’t tell them on the phone that I was pregnant. My dad had told me once that, “if you ever get pregnant, I’ll kill ya.” And, you know, that sticks in your mind. He wouldn’t really, but I was still scared.

My friend was the one who ended up telling them. She said, “We went to the doctor today, and Amy is six months pregnant.” Just like that. Matter of fact. I had already decided I was going to move out and give the baby up for adoption. My dad said, “No, we need to talk about what the next few months are going to bring. If you want to give the baby up, that’s up to you. I understand the situation you’re in, and I kinda know what you’re going through.”

My mom and I were curious about this, so…I’m thinking maybe I have other siblings. My dad played around on my mom a lot.

Then my dad cried and said, “I’m glad you’re doing this.”

RR: Did you ever feel pressured to choose adoption, or was it completely your choice?

AH: It’s something I always wanted to do. I felt like I had nothing to offer. Once you have a kid, you’re responsible for a kid in so many different ways, and I was just a high school student.

I had nothing to offer. I was a high school student. I hadn’t even begun to live my life. I had to get through graduation. I had finished my junior year and still had senior year.

RR: Did you feel stigmatized for your choice?

AH: I was afraid I was going to be labeled as “slut,” or any of those other ones. I hid my pregnancy from everyone. Only three friends knew, and one of them didn’t even go to my school. They didn’t say anything.

RR: What was your path to adoption like?

AH: I babysat for a lady, Vicky, who had adopted a child. She knew my son’s adoptive aunt. She saw me walking one day, and wondered why I wasn’t in school. She hadn’t seen me in a while, and asked me what was going on. I was within six to eight weeks of delivery at this point. She said she knew of a family who was trying to adopt, and asked if she could make a phone call to them.

Within a few days, the adoptive parents took me out to lunch, and that’s the one and only time I met them. I can’t remember the place, but it was somewhere downtown Seattle and they brought their attorney. They wanted to make sure I understood that this was going to be a closed adoption, and that I was going to be taken care of. They offered to buy me a car so I could make it to my doctor’s appointments. (Laughs) A car. I didn’t even have my driver’s license, so that wasn’t going to work.

Closed adoptions is just what you did in 1981. If there was a choice otherwise, I wasn’t aware of it.

RR: What was the hospital experience like?

AH: When I got to the delivery room, I was crowning. Then they put something in my IV and told me to start counting backwards from one hundred. They put me completely out for the birth. Back then, they didn’t want you to remember anything. I understand why now…all the emotions…it makes it harder to give the baby up. Doctors didn’t want women to experience the birth. All they wanted was to get the baby out.

The same thing was done to my mom, even though she never gave a child up. It was believed then that it was best for you and the baby, but I think it had a lot to do with the doctor you got, too.

Afterwards, they put me in a different area of the hospital entirely. I was put in the burn unit. This was so I wouldn’t have any chance of seeing or being close to my baby. They said it wouldn’t have been safe to bring my baby there anyway, because the burn unit attracted bugs.

“I want to see my baby girl,” I told a nurse. I didn’t know what I was having, actually.

“It wasn’t a baby girl,” the nurse said. She was very nice. “It was a healthy baby boy.”

Another nurse came up. “Shh! It’s an adoption! You’re not supposed to say anything!”

They said I wouldn’t remember anything, but I remember that part.

RR: After the adoption, how did you process and grieve?

AH: I went numb. I can’t explain it. You know you’ve had a baby, now you can go back to school. And then…going back to school…everyone is like, “Where have you been?” But what do you say? I just told them I was sick, and didn’t want to talk about it.

It was hard on my parents, too. They were losing a grandchild. So, we didn’t talk about it. We acted like we completely forget about what happened. I think it was harder on my mom, because she had wanted me to keep him. Dad had made it clear from the beginning, “It’s Amy’s decision. It’s not up to you. We need to respect her decision.” This made me feel like they really accepted me and respected my choice.

Because my friend had been getting me my homework, I didn’t fall back behind in school. The only thing I had to do when I went back was earn extra credits so I could graduate. Every day after school, I would take the bus and stay at an elementary school for an hour to an hour and a half. I would grade papers, take kids out a recess, read to them — whatever the teacher wanted me to do.

To keep my mind off things, Vicky said that joining a pageant would help. So, I was part of the Miss Auburn Pageant. It didn’t make me forget, but it helped keep me distracted. The thing about being in the pageant was that you have a very strict schedule you have to abide by. You have to act in a certain way, there are events you had to go to…you had to be a good girl. Four days a week I was learning how to walk in heels, how to model, the proper ways to do makeup and hair — all the stuff I wasn’t into.

I had four brothers. I was your typical tomboy. My mom would put me in a dress, and by the time I got to school the curls and bun were pulled out. I played in dirt. My nickname was Mugs. If there was dirt, I would find it.

So, the [Miss Auburn] Pageant helped, but when it was done I had time to think. Everyone tried to keep my mind off it, but I thought about him — especially on birthdays and holidays.

RR: Tell me a bit more about your son’s adoptive parents.

AH: Rob’s mom was never able to have kids. She had something happen when she was 20 years old, and she had a hysterectomy. But, she’d always wanted children. She was in her early 30s, and her husband was much older.

She was a hairdresser, and he owned a boat company. I knew what they did, and their names. When I babysat for Vicky, I found pictures of Robb, and I took one. I knew it was him, because I recognized the mother holding him and the father and his big smile.

RR: Did you pick Robb’s name, or did his parents name him?

AH: Robb was named after his father’s dad, Robert. This is ironic because, if I had kept him, I was going to [pick the same name, and have his middle name after his birth father].

RR: Did Robb’s birth father know that he had a son?

AH: His birth father knew about him. He called me a “dirty little slut,” then completely disappeared. He was in the army, married with two kids. I thought I was in love, but I had just turned 16. I didn’t know what love was. Here I was with daddy issues, and my dad was drinking. When my dad finally paid attention, it was too late.

I had never had someone pay attention to me in that way. He gave me attention, bought me clothes and dropped me off at school. Even offered his credit card, but I never took him up on that. It was a lot like Pretty Woman.

Years later, I found out he got kicked out the army and did what he did to me to someone else. He had picked up a friend of mine to take her home, and then I found out that he’d had sex with her that day, too. She ended up marrying a woman. I realized then that I had been pretty much raped by him. That he had groomed me. He got what he wanted, and then he moved on.

The attorney that came with Robb’s parents published an announcement in a newspaper just to go through the proper channels. They knew that Robb’s birth father would never respond. He had told me he didn’t care, and to never contact him again. When I signed the papers at the hospital, the attorney explained that they had chosen a newspaper nowhere near us, because they were trying to protect me. Since they knew his birth father wasn’t going to come forward, the distance kept anyone at my school from seeing it.

It was a no brainer to me. I trusted Vicky, and knew that she would make sure I was well taken care of.

RR: How have you found healing?

AH: I went back to school in 2003 and took a Psychology class, where I learned how much I had been punishing myself over the years. In high school, I explained that I chose adoption because of all the things I wanted to do. I was going to go into the military, but never did. I had good intentions, but — honestly — my biggest fear was getting pregnant again. One thing I always did was with every relationship…I was very open and honest about [Robb’s adoption]. I felt like that was the right thing to do. Being baptized and doing Bible study helped, too. It helped me not be afraid to admit who I was. But, inside, choosing adoption was still the hardest thing I ever did.

Until my Psych class, though, I didn’t realize what I was doing to myself. That I never gave myself time to heal. That’s an important process. Healing. One of the ways I learned I could do that was to write about it and let it out. So, in either 2004 or 2005, I found Donna’s article on the website, “Silent Voices Unheard.” It touched me and started the healing process. I tried to not think of Robb’s adoption. It hurt too much not knowing him or if I would ever meet him again, and thinking about it made me very emotional. This article is what inspired me to educate myself, and is what woke me up.

RR: What advice would you give birth mothers or adoptive parents looking to adopt?

AH: (Pause) You brought up a memory when you asked that. Going back to the Miss Auburn pageant…there were other girls who were pregnant and wanted to talk about it. I didn’t think I was the best person for them to come to, and said they should go the counselors. But I told them, “Here’s my story. This is what I did.”

It’s a big decision, and a life-changing one. It will change who you are all the way around. Make sure you do your research. Only you can make this decision for your life.

Having Robb and choosing adoption was a blessing. I’m glad I decided to make a bad choice into a positive decision. He has even told me, “Thank you for giving birth to me.” This makes everything worth it.

 

Posts navigation