Birth Mother Blog

6 Ways to Find Support as a Birth Mother During the Holidays

6 Ways to Find Support as a Birth Mother During the Holidays

The holiday season can be a stressful one for many people, even during a regular year. Add in a pandemic and stress levels can shoot through the roof. There is constant activity and a heightened pressure to appear joyful, regardless of how you may actually feel. If you are a birth mother who has gone through the adoption process with your child, you may be experiencing a unique set of intense emotions. The important thing to remember is that you are not alone. 

There are many reasons that birth mothers may experience feelings of stress or sadness during the holidays. Perhaps you are overwhelmed by the emotional decisions that accompany placing your baby for adoption in Missouri. Maybe you are a birth mother who is experiencing symptoms of Postpartum Depression and looking for support. You might be facing feelings of grief or loss or asking yourself many “what if” questions. Whatever your reason for seeking help, Adoption Choices of Missouri is here to support you all year round. 

There are many avenues to find support as a birth mother during the holidays. Here are 6 ways to find adoption support:

1. Confide in Friends or Family 

If you have supportive friends or family, turning to them for comfort can be helpful during the holidays. Discussing what is bothering you can relieve some of the burden of carrying heavy emotions inside. Participating in safe activities, such as outdoor walks, can also help focus your thoughts elsewhere. If this isn’t possible where you live, take the time to arrange a ZOOM call with your loved ones. 

2. Contact Your Child’s Adoptive Family 

If you have chosen an open adoption, contacting your child and his or her adoptive family can provide reassurance. If you are struggling with questions about how your child is experiencing the holidays, a brief check-in can answer those for you. Seeing that your child is loved and happy during this time may relieve any sense of worry that you may have. 

3. Join a Support Group

There are many support groups dedicated to creating a safe space for birth mothers to connect and share their feelings. If you are experiencing heavy emotions during the holidays, seeking a support group may help. It can be comforting to confide in others who may share a similar experience. Take some time to search support groups in your area and choose one that sounds the most welcoming and safe to you. 

4. Read Stories by Other Birth Mothers

Literature often helps us feel connected to people we have never met. It is a way to find support without having to leave the comfort of your home. If you do not feel comfortable sharing your feelings with others, reading stories or articles written by other birth mothers can still provide you with the connection you may need. Knowing that other women may have been through similar difficult times – an unplanned pregnancy, choosing adoption, walking the adoption journey – can be inspiring and comforting. You might also discover some useful tips that helped them through their own adoption process that you can try yourself. 

5. Ask Your Adoption Caseworker for Help

Your adoption caseworker is there to support you throughout the adoption process in Missouri. If you are an expecting mother or have recently placed your baby for adoption, reach out to your adoption caseworker for help during tough emotional times. He or she will do their best to lend you the help and comfort that you need. 

6. Check In with Your Adoption Agency 

Adoption Choices of Missouri is open throughout the holidays. If you are experiencing emotional difficulties, please come visit our adoption agency. We are happy to support you in any way that we can. 

Finding Support as a Birth Mother during the Holidays

At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we understand that the holidays can bring up complicated emotions for birth mothers. It is our goal to make you feel as comfortable and safe as possible throughout every step of your adoption journey. We are here to help you find the support that you need as a birth mother during the holiday season. 

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: Molly Doyle is a native San Franciscan, Molly is an experienced educator and a dedicated writer. She holds her multiple subject teaching credential as well as her Masters of Arts in Teaching. When not teaching children or creating new written pieces, Molly can be found kicking around a soccer ball, going for urban hikes or whipping up a fruit pie. 

She currently lives in Seattle, her first home outside of California. 

 

Birth Father Birth Mother Blog

4 Tips for First Christmas in an Open Adoption as a Birth Mother

First Christmas in an Open Adoption as a Birth Mother

The holidays are meant to be a joyous occasion, no matter what you celebrate. Christmas, among the many other holidays around this time, is an opportunity for families to gather and celebrate their togetherness. Yet, for many adoptive families and birth mothers, this is their first time doing this.

For some, the stress levels might be through the roof now. Birth mothers and adoptive families want to make this a momentous time for not only their child, but for their new, extended family as a whole. The first Christmas in an open adoption as a birth mother is a milestone, and Adoption Choices of Missouri wants it to be a special one that will continue in years to come. 

Here are some tips to help you navigate through this first holiday season.

1. Stop and Breathe

Remember that you are not doing this alone. In an open adoption, you have your child’s adoptive parents to collaborate with about how to make your first holiday season together special and memorable. You may be overly excited and anxious to see your child again post adoption, and that’s natural. But don’t forget to breathe. The holidays are indeed a significant point in the year, but it’s important to take time for yourself, relax, and enjoy the holiday celebrations.

2. Bond with Your Child’s Adoptive Parents

Coordinating how you want to spend the holidays together can also be a great opportunity for you to bond with your child’s adoptive parents. To get to know each other more and learn why the holiday season is important to them. 

Doing this will not only be beneficial for you all, but it will also positively impact your child. When he or she  sees how well  you and their adoptive parents are getting along, they will feel more secure and gain a better understanding of how an open adoption can work successfully.

3. Don’t be Afraid to Grieve

Unfortunately, many times, life throws us curveballs. Whether it’s issues with travel, finances, or timing, plans may get changed or cancelled. If you are not able to see your child for their first Christmas, this may be a difficult pill to swallow. It may provoke a series of emotions you weren’t expecting. Know that it’s okay to take time to grieve and process what you’re feeling.  Acknowledge how much it hurts not being able to spend the holidays with your child. Journal. Seek support from friends, family or from one of our adoption counselors. 

When you’re ready, find some joy in knowing that your child is with their loving and supportive adoptive family and that you will get to see him or her another time. Christmas is not the only opportunity for you to see your child nor is it the last.

4. Schedule a Virtual Visit

Due to the unpredictability of the pandemic, Christmas this year may look different for everyone. Seeing each other in person may be more challenging than ever before. If you find that this is the case for you this year, reach out to your child’s adoptive parents and schedule a virtual visit on ZOOM, Skype or FaceTime. This will still give you an opportunity to set  some time aside to see your baby and get to say ‘I love you.’ 

If you’ve sent gifts to your child and their adoptive parents, a virtual holiday celebration will provide you with the chance to watch their reactions as they open those. Even though you’re not able to be in the same room physically, having this connection can give you some peace and reassurance that your child is happy and enjoying their first Christmas. 

First Christmas in an Open Adoption as a Birth Mother

You faced an unplanned pregnancy, made it through the adoption process in Missouri, and now, if this is your first Christmas in an open adoption as a birth mother or the tenth one, there’s never a bad time to be thankful for the ones you hold close and dear to you. Every chance we get to be around our family is a blessing, and one that should not be taken for granted. 

You were the one to make a new family and, with it, a new tradition of being together on the holidays, no matter the circumstances. It’s all too easy — especially during the holiday season — to get caught up in the hustle and bustle and miss out on making memories together. So, take the time to celebrate with your baby and their adoptive family. Cherish the moments you have with them, so that memories you create during the holidays with your child and their adoptive parents will last a lifetime.

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the AuthorMy name is Alexander Charles Cooper, I come from a family of four that originates from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I, along with my younger brother Greyson were born in North Carolina, three years after my parents had wed and moved to the state. Alexander shares his birthday with Maya Angelou, which he takes great pride in. 

Growing up, Alexander had the privilege of having both parents in his life and a stable upbringing in which he was surrounded by family and friends. He believes that much of his family foundation is built on faith which has given him a discipline and practice that has allowed him to discover and build his spiritual self. He is also interested in politics and worldly news that allows him to excel in American literature, philosophy/ethics, and higher learning. 

From that, his passion in writing bloomed and he found his true calling: “I wished to create and write for a living and know it will be what makes me happiest. My only wish is for me to bring about positive change for others both near and far and leave a lasting legacy that contributes to the overall wellbeing and joy of others.”

.

 

Birth Mother Blog

3 Types of Adoption: Which is Right for You as a Birth Mother in Missouri? 

3 Types of Adoption: Which is Right for You as a Birth Mother in Missouri? 

Placing your child up for adoption is such a hard but rewarding decision. One hard part of the adoption process is deciding on what type of adoption you want for your child. You, as a birth mother, have three options: open, semi-open, and closed adoption. Each of the three types of adoption comes with a level of interaction and allows you to choose what would fit your comfort level, and what is best for you and your child. 

As a birth mother considering adoption, we at Adoption Choices of Missouri have listed the three types of adoption to help you determine which is right for you as a birth mother and your adoption journey.

Types of Adoption Available to You as a Birth Mother

1. Closed Adoption

The first type of adoption for you to consider is a closed adoption. Many decades ago, adoption was handled very differently. There was a lot of secrecy surrounding birth mothers who experience unplanned pregnancies. So much so, in fact, that pregnant women were sent away to have their babies in private. They were then told to return to their everyday life like nothing happened. The babies born were given to families, and the birth mothers weren’t able to find out where they went or what happened to them. 

Closed adoptions are still available for birth mothers and adoptive families today, but aren’t as frequent. However, we understand that each and every adoption journey is unique, and that this may be the right choice for a birth mother, depending on her life circumstances. 

What does a closed adoption look like? In short, this type of adoption is confidential and doesn’t permit any communication to happen between you, your child or your child’s adoptive parents. Likewise, no personal information is shared. Your child will not be able to know anything about you until they turn 18 years of age, or whatever age is deemed an adult in their home state. If you want to have complete privacy, this may be the right choice for you.

2. Open Adoption

The second major type of adoption for you to consider is known as open adoption. This is the complete opposite of closed adoption, and has become the more popular choice in today’s adoption world. As an adoption agency, we strongly advocate for all our birth mothers and adoptive parents to think about open adoption because we believe it keeps everyone’s best interests at heart.

For starters, open adoption allows the most interaction and communication between you and your child’s adoptive parents. This can include, but is not limited to: video chats, phone calls and in-person visits. The frequency of this can be discussed after you’ve selected and met your child’s adoptive family and are getting to know them. 

Open adoption will allow you to get to know your child as he or she grows up. As a birth mother, you will have the chance to answer questions that your child might have about their adoption in the future, like why did you give me up for adoption? 

If having a relationship with your child and their adoptive parents is important to you, choosing open adoption may be the best option for you.

2. Semi-Open Adoption

The third and final type of adoption is called a semi-open adoption. This is an in-between of open and closed, and often referred to as either “the best of both worlds” or “a happy medium.” A semi-open adoption allows you to have limited contact with your child and their adoptive family. Communication is usually mediated through your adoption caseworker, our agency or a secure online portal we use called ChildConnect. This virtual program lets you and your child’s adoptive parents exchange letters, photos and updates without having to share personal information.  

Semi adoption can still provide you, the birth mother, with access to details about your child’s well-being and let your child always get to know you as his or her birth parent from a safe distance. You are still able to select your child’s adoptive parents, if you want to, and form a bond with them and your child as well. If you want to know how your child is doing, but not be too involved, semi-open adoption allows you, the birth mother, to set the necessary boundaries to respect everyone’s privacy. 

How to Choose Your Adoption Type as a Birth Mother 

As a birth mother, choosing the right adoption type that fits the needs you have for you and your baby is a crucial step in your adoption journey. Making this decision involves thinking about what kind of relationship you want with your child and their adoptive parents. It’s important for you to know that there is no right or wrong type of adoption to choose. Your personal choice will reflect whatever is best for you and your child. 

If you need any guidance, you can speak with an adoption professional at Adoption Choices of Missouri. Our adoption agency will go over the three types of adoption available to you and help you pick the right path for you as a birth mother. 

Advice for Birth Mothers

Determining which adoption type is right for you is a unique experience for you and your child. You may have many questions about which adoption choice is right for you. With our adoption agency’s help, there are no questions that will go unanswered. As a birth mother, you will have the full support of your adoption caseworker and our agency. We will help you understand each type of adoption to ensure that you  have a positive adoption experience. 

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: Samara Wiley is a published author of poetry, essays, and an environmental children’s storybook called, Waiting for the Water Fairy. She graduated from Benedictine University in 2018 with a double Bachelor of Arts in English Literature and French.She has been published in three small poetry anthologies one was called Talented.

Her other writing accomplishments include: winning a high school poetry competition and $2500 for her high school, having two out of her five novels be considered for publication and writing movie critic reviews for her university’s newsletter. 

Although she has Cerebral Palsy and has had a turbulent childhood, Samara puts these small specs of herself into her writing to personally connect with her audience. She prides herself on pushing the boundaries in her writing and in her personal life with everything she does. Samara writes with her heart and a voice of compassion, and loves to pull from her top passions in life.

She currently lives in Yorkville, Illinois with her mom and two sisters.

 

Birth Mother Blog

5 Common Questions Birth Mothers Have About Adoption in Missouri

5 Common Questions Birth Mothers Have About Adoption

With any event, there is typically a lot of preparation and asking as many questions as possible. Planning to place your baby for adoption is no exception. If you are a birth mother thinking about placing your baby for adoption, chances are you have a lot of questions. The good thing is that we have answers! 

There are many common questions that birth mothers have about adoption. While we understand that some of these will be unique to your life, know that you are not alone in wanting more information. At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we want to prepare you for your adoption journey so you feel confident in every decision you make. 

  1. What is the Role of the Adoption Agency?

Our top priority is ensuring that you are supported throughout the adoption process. You will be matched with an adoption caseworker who will be your guide throughout your journey. They will be there to answer any questions, help you put together an adoption plan that fits your needs and assist you during the adoptive family screening process. 

We understand the importance of an educated choice. Our staff  will work hard to make sure that you receive all the information that you need to feel confident in your choice to place your baby for adoption. We will also be available to assist with any paperwork and help scheduling post-placement visits with your child, if that is a decision you make. 

  1. Can I Choose My Child’s Adoptive Family? 

The short answer is yes. You are in charge when it comes to selecting an adoptive family for your child. Your adoption caseworker can help you generate a list of important values and beliefs that you would like your child’s adoptive family to share. From there, you will browse through potential families portfolios. You will be able to speak to any adoptive family that you choose on the phone before meeting them in-person. 

The choice to move forward with any adoptive family is yours; however, we do understand how emotional this decision can be. That’s why  your adoption caseworker will be there to support you throughout the process. 

  1. What are the Different Kinds of Adoption?

There are three different types of adoption. As a birth mother, you may choose between an open, semi-open or closed adoption for your child. This can be a difficult choice to make, and your adoption caseworker will be available to educate and guide you. It is up to you to make the choice that best fits your needs. We understand the unique position of every mother and are here to support your decision.

  1. Can I Communicate with My Child after Placing them for Adoption? 

This is another choice that is yours to make and will ultimately depend on the type of adoption that you select. If having a relationship with your child is important to you, this can be outlined in the adoption plan you will create with your adoption caseworker. He or she will assist you in detailing what you would like communication with your child to look like. This will also be something that you can discuss with your child’s adoptive family as well. Your adoption caseworker can help facilitate this dialogue and ensure that everyone is on the same page. 

  1. Can I Receive Financial Assistance During my Pregnancy? 

With Adoption choices of Missouri, you may have the option of receiving financial help. The amount of financial assistance is determined by eligibility. Your adoption caseworker will review the criteria for eligibility with you and help you get the aid that you need. What are some of the costs that might be covered if you are eligible for assistance? Anything that directly impacts your health or the health of the baby such as rent assistance, grocery bills or transportation funds. 

Common Questions Birth Mothers have about Adoption

These are by no means the only questions that are important to answer. At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we understand that you probably have many questions and we are here to help you answer all of them! In the meantime, we hope that these common questions many birth mothers have about adoption can help you get started. Your confidence during your adoption journey is of utmost importance to us and that begins with information. 

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: Molly Doyle is a native San Franciscan, Molly is an experienced educator and a dedicated writer. She holds her multiple subject teaching credential as well as her Masters of Arts in Teaching. When not teaching children or creating new written pieces, Molly can be found kicking around a soccer ball, going for urban hikes or whipping up a fruit pie. 

She currently lives in Seattle, her first home outside of California. 

Birth Mother Blog

Important Questions to Ask Yourself before Placing Your Baby for Adoption

Important Questions to Ask Yourself before Placing Your Baby for Adoption in Missouri

An unplanned pregnancy and choosing to place your baby for adoption can  be very stressful for birth mothers. The adoption journey, as a whole, can be as well. After all, there are so many moving pieces and decisions to be made before, after and during your adoption journey. When you consider all of this upfront, it’s all too easy to feel overwhelmed. 

But you are not alone! You have options. Whether your pregnancy was planned or unplanned, you have researched your options and are wanting to explore adoption deeper. Adoption Choices of Missouri is here for you! We want to put your mind at ease and provide all the information you need to help you make the best choice for you and your baby.

Here are five important questions to ask yourself before placing your baby for adoption.

  • Am I Ready to Give Up My Pursuits?

For most birth mothers, timing is the biggest factor in why they put their babies up for adoption. Their job, college admission, or maybe even family connectivity could be at stake when first discovering they are pregnant. It’s important to know whether you are in the right situation to care for your child or not. 

What kind of care are you able to provide? What kind of child care do you feel you may not be able to provide that perhaps an adoptive family can? Your baby deserves every chance at happiness and in life. Not only your baby, but you as well.

Ask yourself, “Am I ready for a child?  Being honest and open with yourself will help provide you with that answer.

  • How will This Change My Life?

Taking care of your baby can completely upend your daily routine or change your schedule that you are comfortable with. It is a full time, around the clock job. Caring for another human being takes patience and the stresses it comes with it can be heavy. For some expectant mothers, this can be too much to bear.

Your life might not have the allotted time needed to nurture a baby. You may want to move things aside, cancel something here, reschedule there. But that may not be enough. 

A baby can and will completely change your life. You must know whether you are prepared for that.

  • Am I Ready for Motherhood? Now and for the Rest of My Life?

Being a mother does not stop when your child grows up. Being a mother does not stop when your child moves out. It’s a forever link and a forever bond. But with that bond comes responsibility. Children rely heavily on their parents from birth, and sometimes even into their adulthood. There is no ending point for motherhood.

Your baby will require you to meet their every need until one day they can provide those needs for themselves. Are you physically, mentally, emotionally and financially prepared to raise your child and give them the life they deserve?

  • What Kind of Adoption Choice is Right for Me?

It’s important to determine just how you would like you and your baby’s future to look when choosing to place him or her for adoption. Ask yourself where you will see yourself in the coming years after your child is born. How will your possible situation shape your relationship with your baby? 

Will you be in a place where you can maintain a steady relationship with your baby? Do you want to be involved in their lives? If this is important to you, then an open adoption might be for you. If not, there are other options that any birth mother can choose from that best suits the circumstances she is in. The key is to know what you want and what is best for both you and your baby.

  • What Happens if I Change my Mind?

One of the most common things for birth mothers to experience when they first put their babies up for adoption is symptoms of grief, sadness or regret. It can be a rollercoaster of emotions that run through you. You have every right to change your mind before the baby is born. However, when you relinquish your parental rights and the adoption process is finalized in court, there is no going back. So, it’s important for you to come to terms with your decision and get the support you need to help you through your adoption journey.

You will, of course, have good days where you are the happiest you have ever been. Then you might have some days where you may be at the lowest lows you never could have imagined. These waves of emotions are natural. But remember you are not alone. You are not the only woman who has ever had to face this and you won’t be the last.It’s all a part of the process. It will get better and you will get better along with it. Trust in Adoption Choices of Missouri. We will walk with you and provide everything you need to make things easier for you. 

Important Questions to Ask Yourself Before Placing Your Baby for Adoption

Even after these questions, there is one that is unquestionable in all this: your strength. You have the power to create families and futures that cannot be taken from you. There is no manual, no handbook, no surefire way of being a perfect parent; but, do not let that keep you from giving your baby the life he or she deserves.

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the AuthorMy name is Alexander Charles Cooper, I come from a family of four that originates from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I, along with my younger brother Greyson were born in North Carolina, three years after my parents had wed and moved to the state. Alexander shares his birthday with Maya Angelou, which he takes great pride in. 

Growing up, Alexander had the privilege of having both parents in his life and a stable upbringing in which he was surrounded by family and friends. He believes that much of his family foundation is built on faith which has given him a discipline and practice that has allowed him to discover and build his spiritual self. He is also interested in politics and worldly news that allows him to excel in American literature, philosophy/ethics, and higher learning. 

From that, his passion in writing bloomed and he found his true calling: “I wished to create and write for a living and know it will be what makes me happiest. My only wish is for me to bring about positive change for others both near and far and leave a lasting legacy that contributes to the overall wellbeing and joy of others.”

 

Birth Mother Blog

Newborn Adoption and Infant Adoption for Birth Mothers in Missouri 

Newborn Adoption and Infant Adoption for Birth Mothers in Missouri 

Experiencing an unplanned pregnancy in Missouri or nursing an infant as a birth mother can be an overwhelming time. However, whether it’s before your child is born or shortly after, you can still choose to place your baby up for adoption. There is no right or wrong time and adoption is always an option for you. 

At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we will make sure that your adoption journey is filled with understanding and support whichever route you choose. We understand that choosing adoption is not an easy choice, no matter when you start your adoption journey. The good thing is that the adoption process won’t vary too much as far as steps go. If your baby is already born, the process may be expedited a little bit, but you will still have full control over how you want your adoption journey to look.

To help you learn more, here is the difference between newborn adoption and infant adoption.

Newborn Adoption in Missouri

If you are like many birth mothers, you like to plan ahead. So, as soon as you discover you’re pregnant and the initial shock has worn off, you immediately begin to think about what you want to do.During this time, you have three options for your unplanned pregnancy to choose from. If you decide that adoption is best for you and your baby early on in your pregnancy, you will have time to do adequate research, choose an adoption agency, create your adoption plan and prepare mentally and emotionally for placing your baby for adoption. 

This process is known as a newborn adoption, as your baby will be a newborn when he or she is placed with their adoptive family.

Infant Adoption in Missouri

Along those same lines, an unplanned pregnancy can flip your world upside down and be too much to process. Particularly if you have other children at home, are pursuing a college degree or there is a global pandemic happening. Or, perhaps, you decide that you want to give parenting a try. Each and every situation is unique to you.

All too soon, you find yourself on the way to the hospital about to give birth. For the next little while, everything seems great and is going well. Then that reality hits you. Panic overwhelms you. I can’t be a parent! I changed my mind. I’m not ready! What do I do? Don’t worry. Even though your child is already born, adoption is still an option. All you have to do is give our adoption agency a call and you can talk to an adoption caseworker about placing your child in a loving and supportive adoptive family.

This is known as the infant adoption process. 

Choosing the Best Adoption Route

Deciding between newborn adoption and infant adoption depends on your personal circumstances. For example, if you don’t have a strong support system from friends and family, or your partner or spouse, you may decide newborn adoption is the best option. Newborn adoption is also available if you are struggling financially or you feel like it’s not the right time for you to have a family.

With infant adoption, you may have that support, be in a more stable situation financially or want a bigger family and choose to raise your child. Yet, unforeseen circumstances later down the road cause you to determine that adoption is the best option for you and your baby. Perhaps your relationship status changed or you are doing so well in your career that you can no longer give your child the attention and care he or she deserves. 

Whatever your personal circumstances, there are options available for both your and your baby that will ensure that you are supported and cared for. Only you can determine what that looks like.

Newborn and Infant Adoption for Birth Mothers

 Whether you choose to create your adoption plan before your baby is born or after, newborn adoption and infant adoption are available to best accommodate you and your baby. You should never feel ashamed of your decision, and never have to struggle through placing your baby for adoption alone. We know that you only want what’s best for your child, and that you are making a brave and selfless choice out of love.

At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we will support and guide through every step of your adoption journey. If you want to learn more about these two options, or have any questions about the adoption process itself, don’t hesitate to reach out.

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: Samara Wiley is a published author of poetry, essays, and an environmental children’s storybook called, Waiting for the Water Fairy. She graduated from Benedictine University in 2018 with a double Bachelor of Arts in English Literature and French.She has been published in three small poetry anthologies one was called Talented.

Her other writing accomplishments include: winning a high school poetry competition and $2500 for her high school, having two out of her five novels be considered for publication and writing movie critic reviews for her university’s newsletter. 

Although she has Cerebral Palsy and has had a turbulent childhood, Samara puts these small specs of herself into her writing to personally connect with her audience. She prides herself on pushing the boundaries in her writing and in her personal life with everything she does. Samara writes with her heart and a voice of compassion, and loves to pull from her top passions in life.

She currently lives in Yorkville, Illinois with her mom and two sisters.

Birth Mother Blog

What Should I Include in My Adoption Hospital Plan as a Birth Mother? 

What Should I Include in My Adoption Hospital Plan as a Birth Mother? 

Plans and preparations before a major life event can help ease your mind and relax your stress and anxiety levels. Your adoption journey is no exception — particularly the birth and delivery aspect of it. As a birth mother planning to place your child for adoption, you are likely anticipating what your hospital stay and experience might look like. You may be wondering what to bring, what you should know beforehand and how to best prepare. This is where creating a hospital plan as a birth mother comes into play, as it has many benefits and can ensure that you are as comfortable as possible when the time arrives to deliver your child. 

At Adoption Choices of Missouri, your adoption caseworker can help you put together a hospital plan that fits your needs. We understand that each mother’s plan will be unique, and we are here to make sure that everything you need for maximum comfort and security is included. 

  1. What Hospital will You Give Birth in? 

You will need to choose a hospital near you in which to give birth. Once you have selected a hospital, you can familiarize yourself with their labor and delivery protocols and ask if they have any extra health and safety procedures that you need to know. This is essential in the case of a global pandemic.

Each hospital runs differently and may have certain policies in place regarding your birth and delivery process. The larger decisions, such as the level of contact with your child’s adoptive family, will still remain with you and can be discussed with your adoption caseworker. 

  1. Who will be in the Delivery Room with You? 

Who you’d like to have with you in the delivery room, if anyone, is up to you. You might consider the people you are closest to and choose someone who makes you feel safe and comfortable. If your friends and family are not supportive of you, or you want your partner or spouse to be there instead, you can discuss other options with your adoption caseworker. Our top priority is that you feel as secure and confident as possible throughout your adoption process, which includes during your hospital visit. 

  1. How Involved will Your Child’s Adoptive Family be? 

Another key piece of your hospital plan will be determining the level of communication and involvement your child’s adoptive family will have. This can be a difficult and emotional decision and your adoption caseworker will be there to guide you through this. You can have as much or as little interaction with your child’s adoptive family as you feel comfortable with. You might consider whether you want them present in the delivery room, or if you would prefer them to wait outside. You can also discuss the type of involvement you will have with them pre and post delivery, if any at all. Remember, this decision is yours to make and we are here to support your choices. 

  1. Do You want to Spend Time with Your Baby? 

As a birth mother, the option to hold your baby after your delivery is available to you. If it is important to you to spend some time alone with your child before the adoptive family meets him or her, this can be detailed in your plan. Your adoption caseworker will walk you through all the possibilities for time with your child post-delivery. Having a plan ready can help ease the difficulty of this decision and ensure that you are choosing what is best for you. 

  1. What Atmosphere makes You Most Comfortable? 

You know yourself best. This means that you are in control of arranging for a hospital experience that is as comfortable as it can be. Take some time to think about what makes you feel relaxed. For some mothers, this means creating a playlist of their favorite songs to listen to in the delivery room. For others, it’s bringing along a comfort item, such as a special blanket or a sentimental photograph. When you have decided on the items that bring you joy and relax you most, you can detail those in your hospital plan so they are sure to be remembered. 

The Importance of Developing a Hospital Plan as a Birth Mother

These are only some of the questions that you might consider when creating a hospital plan as a birth mother. At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we want to ensure that you feel confident and cared for as you enter into labor. Spending time with your adoption caseworker to create your own individual hospital plan can establish a feeling of safety and prevent any surprises the day of. Our top goal is to help make your adoption journey as stress-free as possible and as unique as you are.

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: Molly Doyle is a native San Franciscan, Molly is an experienced educator and a dedicated writer. She holds her multiple subject teaching credential as well as her Masters of Arts in Teaching. When not teaching children or creating new written pieces, Molly can be found kicking around a soccer ball, going for urban hikes or whipping up a fruit pie. 

She currently lives in Seattle, her first home outside of California. 

Blog

Pros and Cons of Open Adoption in Missouri

Pros and Cons of Open Adoption in Missouri

Since the 1970s, open adoption has increasingly been the norm for adoptive families and birth mothers. What is open adoption? Learn more here first. It is widely regarded as the most prosperous and enriching adoption choice. If you are a birth mother considering adoption for your child, you may wonder why open adoption is as popular and beneficial as it is. Adoption Choices of Missouri is here to show what exactly makes it so attractive, and what makes it unattractive too. 

Here are some of the pros and cons of open adoption

Cons of Open Adoption

  • You may Experience Grief/Regret after the Adoption Process

It is all too common for birth mothers to experience some sort of sadness when first going through the workings of adoption. You may come across some symptoms of regret or reconsider whether you chose the right family. You might even question your own judgement of whether you should have put your baby up for adoption in the first place.

These symptoms can be amplified with open adoption because during the negotiating of terms, birth mothers may think of all the potential opportunities that may miss in seeing their baby grow up. With such an open channel of communication, there may still be some type of distance there because the mother no longer has the child in their care.

If you experience any of these things, know you are not alone. It is natural to potentially have some sort of sadness when a birth mother goes through adoption. Find strength and solace in knowing that you are going to give your child a brighter and better future, you still get to witness it. 

  • You have so Much Power, It can be Overwhelming

When deciding on the family dynamics, how communication will work, and the adoptive parents, birth mothers may find themselves in a hauntingly complicated situation. The stress or worry of picking the right family can be overwhelming for birth mothers. Decisions and negotiations that are riding on your input and your thoughts can be beyond stressful and draining.

Open adoption is meant to bring a balance of involvement for both the birth mother or birth parents and the adoptive parents. All through that process, a discussion or compromise has to to be reached where both are satisfied with the choices they’ve made. 

Despite that, remember, it is still your baby and still your right on how selection happens. 

  • You may Run into some Boundary Issues

We discussed giving birth parents and adoptive parents open lines of communication, but where exactly do either of them potentially cross the line? Birth mothers may feel they still hold some sort of responsibility or power that is within their power to have that the adoptive parents may disagree with. For instance, she may want to take their child out for their birthday, on a vacation, or to see relatives. Yet, the adoptive family already planned to keep the child home and have a party for them.

Pros of Open Adoption

  • Open Adoption allows You to Stay in Your Baby’s Life

The majority of birth mothers want to see their child grow up. They still crave to be a part of his or her life. With open adoption, you have the choice to do exactly that. Negotiation and deliberation between you and the adoptive parents decides exactly how that will look. You are always in control of what the terms are and whatever you feel is comfortable.

It is your baby and it is your right to choose what you think is best for them and for you. 

  • You have Full Control on What the Adoption will Look Like

Every birth mother wants to be reassured that their baby will be in safe care. They want to know that their child is getting treated with nothing but the best and given the space and environment to grow up happy and healthy. Open adoption gives mothers and birth parents that same opportunity to set the stage on what that looks like. You have the power to shape the coming years of your baby’s life.

You can vet and screen every family you think is best for your child. Nothing happens without your approval. 

  • You can Answer Questions Your Child may have in the Future

For the majority of adoptees, they want to know where they have come from. They want to know who their birth mother and birth father is. Origin stories and the participation of birth mothers go hand in hand here. With you being there to give answers to possible questions your child has, their puzzle of identity becomes more whole. Children are able to build a sense of belonging and what that will look like for their birth parents and their adoptive parents. 

Being there and present adds a level of comfort for your child to help them understand more about family history. They are curious, inquisitive. That is healthy. They may even ask why they were put up for the adoption. Instead of leaving these questions unanswered, you will be right there to provide the truths they need.

Pros and Cons of Open Adoption

Situations like these, where possible disagreements may arise between the birth and the adoptive parents are common. This is why communicating with each other about what life will look like after the adoption is finalized is important.But even in the face of disagreement, both sides always have the best interest of the baby in mind. 

If you have any lingering questions about the pros and cons of open adoption, feel free to navigate over to our FAQ’s page and see what other assistance Adoption Choices of Missouri can provide for you and child today. 

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the AuthorMy name is Alexander Charles Cooper, I come from a family of four that originates from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I, along with my younger brother Greyson were born in North Carolina, three years after my parents had wed and moved to the state. Alexander shares his birthday with Maya Angelou, which he takes great pride in. 

Growing up, Alexander had the privilege of having both parents in his life and a stable upbringing in which he was surrounded by family and friends. He believes that much of his family foundation is built on faith which has given him a discipline and practice that has allowed him to discover and build his spiritual self. He is also interested in politics and worldly news that allows him to excel in American literature, philosophy/ethics, and higher learning. 

From that, his passion in writing bloomed and he found his true calling: “I wished to create and write for a living and know it will be what makes me happiest. My only wish is for me to bring about positive change for others both near and far and leave a lasting legacy that contributes to the overall wellbeing and joy of others.”

Birth Mother Blog

Top 5 Myths about Birth Mothers in Missouri

Top 5 Myths about Birth Mothers 

Being a birth mother brings up certain perceptions that people may have of you. Perhaps you’ve run across some of them in your research about adoption or heard something a friend, family member or stranger has said that paints a negative image of who you are.

Here are 5 common myths about birth mothers that you may experience when sharing your own personal adoption journey.

Myths about Birth Mothers

  1. Birth Mothers don’t Love Their Children

As a birth mother, you have made the hard decision of going through with the adoption process. But you are choosing this because you don’t love your child. Just the opposite. You are choosing to place your child for adoption because you love your child more than anything in the world and want what’s best for him or her — even if that means you won’t be the one raising them. Choosing adoption is a selfless and courageous expression of you putting your child’s needs above your own, and ensuring that  they receive the love and care they deserve. 

  1. Birth Mothers don’t Want to be Parents

Parenthood is not for everyone. There is no shame in choosing adoption if you don’t feel like you want to be a parent. Or maybe you do, but the timing is right. If you are considering adoption because of the latter, or because you don’t have a strong support system and don’t want to raise your child alone — adoption is always an option. 

However, just because this unplanned pregnancy was not in your life plan does not mean you are not a parent or never will be. You will always be your child’s birth mother, no matter if you choose adoption or not. Being a parent is a lifelong commitment that takes careful planning and support. Not having these factors can make parenthood more challenging as a birth mother. 

  1. All Birth Mothers Struggle with Health Issues and Addictions

While many birth mothers may struggle with health issues and addictions, it is unfair to categorize all birth mothers this way.  Physical, mental, emotional or financial struggles can point birth mothers towards adoption because they want what’s best for their child. She understands that she is not in a place where she can give her child the life they deserve. 

But just because you may struggle with a health-related issue or addiction or some kind doesn’t mean that you don’t want your child or are incapable of raising him or her.  If you are a disabled birth mother, there is always support available to you. Having a disability or mental health issue does not decide if you want your child or your capabilities as a parent. Only you can make that choice and decide what is best for you and your baby. 

  1. Birth Mothers won’t Visit Their Child

This is not true. Many birth mothers want to visit their child. To be involved and want him or her to grow into the independent adult they are meant to be. 

As a birth mother, you can choose how open you want your adoption to be. How much contact you want with your child and their adoptive family, and if you want to visit your child after the adoption has been finalized. There are different stages of closeness that you can have with your child. Establishing a relationship with your child can be an unbroken bond. 

  1. Birth Mothers Regret Their Decision

Choosing to place your child for adoption is an extremely emotional and complex decision to make. However, this myth about birth mothers saying that you will regret your decision is unfair and disrespectful to you. By the time you walk into an adoption agency, you have given your choice a lot of thought and have come to terms with what it means for you and your child. 

So, while you may feel grief and loss, it’s unlikely you will experience regret. As a birth mother, you have decided to give your baby a chance at a better life. This is not easy, by any means, but Adoption Choices of Missouri has adoption counselors who are there to support, encourage and empower you before, during and after your adoption journey. 

Myths about Birth Mothers

Our adoption agency in Missouri accepts birth mothers from all walks of life. We do not think anything negative of your decision, and we will never judge you. We value you as a birth mother and will dismiss anyone who says anything different.

These common misconceptions of birth mothers are just ways for people to tell your story the way they want. Being a birth mother means that you are the only one who gets to know the pages of your personal adoption journey, whatever your story may be. 

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: Samara Wiley is a published author of poetry, essays, and an environmental children’s storybook called, Waiting for the Water Fairy. She graduated from Benedictine University in 2018 with a double Bachelor of Arts in English Literature and French.She has been published in three small poetry anthologies one was called Talented.

Her other writing accomplishments include: winning a high school poetry competition and $2500 for her high school, having two out of her five novels be considered for publication and writing movie critic reviews for her university’s newsletter. 

Although she has Cerebral Palsy and has had a turbulent childhood, Samara puts these small specs of herself into her writing to personally connect with her audience. She prides herself on pushing the boundaries in her writing and in her personal life with everything she does. Samara writes with her heart and a voice of compassion, and loves to pull from her top passions in life.

She currently lives in Yorkville, Illinois with her mom and two sisters.

Birth Mother Blog

What Should I Include in My Adoption Plan as a Birth Mother?

What Should I Include in My Adoption Plan as a Birth Mother?

Moving forward into unknown territory is always a little less overwhelming when you have a plan. If you are an expectant mother considering placing your baby for adoption, Adoption Choices of Missouri will match you with an adoption counselor who will help you come up with an adoption plan. This creates stability throughout the adoption process and ensures that you don’t face any surprises along the way. 

With our adoption agency, the adoption plan that you create will be unique to you. We understand that the needs of each birth mother differ and we are here to support your choices. There are several different areas that you can address in your adoption plan as a birth mother

  1. Choosing Your Child’s Adoptive Family 

You are in control when it comes to making decisions about your child’s adoptive family. Before selecting an adoptive family, you will have the opportunity to come up with a list of values that are important to you. When you are looking at profiles for possible adoptive families, you can refer back to this list to ensure that the family you choose shares some of your beliefs if that is a priority for you. 

Additionally, you will have the opportunity to speak on the phone with any adoptive family that you are considering before you meet them in-person. After you meet with any potential adoptive families, the choice to move forward with them in the adoption process always remains with you. Your adoption counselor will be there to support any decision that you make. We will work together to  find a loving and stable adoptive family for your child. 

  1. Putting Together Your Hospital/Birth Plans

Birth plans are as unique as the birth mothers they are made for. With your adoption counselor, you can formulate a birth plan that fits your individual needs. You might include any preferences for pain management during labor or who you would like to have with you in the delivery room, if anyone. You can also include details about what kind of atmosphere will offer you maximum comfort and security during your birth as well as specifics around care for your baby immediately following delivery. 

You will have the option whether or not to include your child’s adoptive family in the birth. You can discuss the level that you’d like them to be involved during your delivery with them, as well as your adoption counselor. Making arrangements ahead of time will make the adoption process smoother. Additionally, incorporating a birth plan into your adoption plan can provide a sense of comfort and stability. 

  1. Determining The Type of Adoption You Want

There are several different types of adoption for you to consider when creating your plan.Your adoption counselor will educate you around the different benefits of an open, semi-open, or closed adoption. We understand that this decision can be an emotional one and we are here to offer as much support as possible. When you have decided which type of adoption best fits your personal preference, it will be included in your adoption plan. 

  1. Communicating with Adoptive Family during Pregnancy 

Another factor to consider when creating an adoption plan is how you would like to communicate with your child’s adoptive family, if at all, during pregnancy. As with all aspects of your adoption plan, this decision resides with you, but your adoption counselor will be there to offer guidance as well. You can choose to communicate with your child’s adoptive family as much or as little as you feel comfortable with throughout your pregnancy. 

What Should I Include in My Adoption Plan as a Birth Mother

Your adoption plan will be unique to you. These are simply a few of the areas you might include in your own individual plan. Our top priority at Adoption Choices of Missouri is that you feel supported and confident throughout your adoption journey. Creating an adoption plan as a birth mother can provide security at every point throughout this process and relieve the stress of planning in the moment. 

At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we want to ensure that your adoption plan is complete, so that you are free to focus on you and your child’s health throughout your pregnancy. 

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: Molly Doyle is a native San Franciscan, Molly is an experienced educator and a dedicated writer. She holds her multiple subject teaching credential as well as her Masters of Arts in Teaching. When not teaching children or creating new written pieces, Molly can be found kicking around a soccer ball, going for urban hikes or whipping up a fruit pie. 

She currently lives in Seattle, her first home outside of California.