Reasons Birth Fathers Choose Adoption
Typically when we think of adoption, we think of the birth mother and her role. There is less discussion about birth fathers, their position in the adoption process and why they choose adoption for their child. This raises the stereotype that birth fathers are not present or known during the adoption journey. Such a generalization about birth fathers does not account for all birth fathers, including those who are present for adoption.
It is important to acknowledge that present birth fathers do have an important role in the adoption journey, just as much as birth mothers. This week, Adoption Choices of Missouri will be discussing reasons birth fathers choose adoption.
An Unplanned Pregnancy
When a birth mother faces an unplanned pregnancy, the emotional and financial preparedness to raise a child are usually unplanned for as well. A birth father may still be finishing up earning a degree and securing a job as he establishes himself. Bringing a child into the world without necessary preparation can not only hinder a birth parent’s incomplete goals, but also prevent a birth parent from being 110% there for a child both emotionally, mentally and financially. Further, an unplanned pregnancy can show a birth father that he may not be ready or does not wish to be a parent at this time which is okay.
Adoption is a great option to give your child the best possible life, and a selfless choice for an adoptive family to provide a strong, resourceful support system for him or her.
Separated or Divorced from Birth Mother
Another reason why birth fathers choose adoption may be because they are no longer in a relationship or marriage with the birth mother. Co-parenting can be a challenge if a birth father and birth mother are not on the same page when it comes to raising a child. If a birth father no longer has contact with the birth mother of their child, it can be difficult for him to be a part of his child’s life.
However, through adoption, a birth father can still have contact with his child and adoptive family, depending on the adoption agreement. Open adoption can be a great option for a birth father who is present even if he is no longer with the birth mother, because he still can have the opportunity to communicate with his child as he or she grows up.
Without a Support System
Raising a child without the support of family members, friends and neighbors can be overwhelming. From childcare to education, raising a child is not a small feat. It takes a great amount of time, effort, care and most importantly love. Without having a support system to step in with childcare, whether it be helping to take your child to a doctor or pick him or her up from school, it can be a challenge for a birth parent to completely be mentally and emotionally present for his child. Without a support network a birth father may not be able to take care of his mental health which is essential for being a committed parent. Choosing adoption can ease the worry of lacking support for a birth father who knows that an adoptive family will be able to provide such support to his child.
Being Proactive and Responsible
A birth father may choose adoption because he is thinking about the future of his child and wants to be optimistic about the situation. Choosing adoption can be a birth father’s way of being proactive and responsible as he understands his decision allows adoptive parents to create a family. A birth father’s choice of adoption for his child is a difficult and emotional one to make, but it can also demonstrate that he wants this for his child and made sure that he actively took the steps needed for adoption to happen. Taking responsibility for his child’s future to be happy, healthy and successful, further shows that a birth father is assured of his decision for adoption.
Loving Your Child
A fundamental reason to choose adoption is because you love your child. The unconditional love you have for your child allows you to acknowledge and realize that you want the best for him or her. Choosing adoption is driven by your desire to seek advantages for your child and putting him or her first as you assess your life and make a life-changing decision. The choice of adoption is selfless and takes a lot of strength to make and go through with. It shows how much you love and care for your child as you want the best for him or her.
This is by no means an exhaustive list of reasons birth fathers choose adoption. Whatever the reasons may be, they do not undermine adoption but uplift adoption as a great choice and opportunity for a child. Adoption Choices of Missouri sees and supports birth fathers along every part of their adoption journey. Know that if you are a birth father thinking about adoption, you do not have to be alone in the process. Please reach out to us and we’ll be more than happy to assist in every way possible.
Meet the Author: Melissa Benedek is currently a junior at Bard College in Annandale-on-Hudson, New York. She is a Literature major with interest in American regional writing. One of her on-campus jobs focuses on organizing volunteer opportunities with local partnerships for students. She is also a founding editor of Sonnet Literary Magazine based out of her college campus.
When not focused on academics, Melissa enjoys traveling into New York City to support independent bookstores and buy the best cookies at Levain Bakery.