Birth Mother Blog

Placing Your Baby for Adoption during the Holidays with Adoption Choices of Missouri

Placing Your Baby for Adoption during the Holidays with Adoption Choices of Missouri

The holidays can be pretty stressful and overwhelming, but putting your baby up for adoption doesn’t have to be. Adoption Choices of Missouri is here to help you navigate your adoption journey this holiday season. Our adoption specialists will help take the frustration out of arranging your adoption and birth plans, as well as choosing which post-placement options best suit your needs. Give yourself and your baby the ultimate gift of love this holiday season with the gift of open adoption.

If you need adoption help now, call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

What is Open Adoption? Why is it the Right Choice for You this Holiday Season?

The holidays can be so lonely and demanding all at once. That’s why an open adoption in Missouri may be the right choice for you. Open adoption is now one of the most common types of adoption in the United States, and the type of adoption our adoption agency encourages all birth and adoptive parents to consider. We believe that keeps everyone’s best interests at heart, as it allows birth parents, the child and adoptive parents to stay in touch by sharing contact information and remain connected to varying degrees. 

Different forms of staying in touch look different for each family, and these can vary anywhere between simply sharing information like names and letters, to phone calls and emails, all the way to a fully-open adoption that includes in-person visits, especially during any future holiday seasons.  Your level of involvement is entirely up to you, but your child will have a bigger and better support system either way. 

The Gift that Keeps on Giving

Granting an adoptive family’s dream come true is the gift that keeps on giving. You will also be bestowing your child with the gift of a better life. We know that this can be a very difficult process at the best of times, but that it can be especially tough placing your baby for adoption during the holidays

At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we are here to help you pick out the right adoption plan that is based on your needs. This is about what you feel is best for you and your baby. You can help a wonderful adoptive couple or individual make their family bigger while still knowing and learning about your child every year as he or she grows up. 

Thanks to open adoption, now no one has to feel alone during the holiday season. 

Plan for Future Holidays and Manage Your Expectations 

What do you want your future holidays to look like in regards to your relationship with your baby and their adoptive family? Try to imagine what holidays lie ahead and the level of involvement you want in them. Discuss different plans and ideas with your adoption specialist to get started, and to help you decide what degree of communication and participation you want. You can even choose to buy the baby a gift if you would like. The important thing is that the financial burden and parental responsibility is not all on you anymore. 

Maybe you want to pass on certain holiday traditions that were important to you when you were growing up, or you can make your own new ones that better reflect your relationship with your child and their adoptive family. It can be fun to make your own nontraditional holiday traditions. 

But while you are fantasizing about what fun holiday traditions you want to share in the future, it is important to also be realistic and manage your expectations. Try to understand that your level of involvement may naturally fluctuate over time. While the winter season is a great time to catch up on achievements or accomplishments from over the past year, you or the adoptive family may be too busy visiting other family members to meet up for every major holiday. Things happen and life just gets in the way of making plans sometimes, and that’s okay too. The main thing to focus on is that the focus is not all on you anymore, but you don’t have to miss out on getting to know who your child grows up to be.

Don’t Forget to Focus on Yourself this Holiday Season

This is always a stressful time of year, but being pregnant is a great excuse to pamper yourself. De-stress and be your healthiest, best self now so that you can breathe a sigh of relief. While you’re busy worrying about your future and giving the gift of life, don’t forget to give yourself some self-care and R&R. It is important for your health as well as the baby’s that you try your best to not let the pressure and anxiety of the holidays stress you out. 

Treat yourself to a nice, calming bath and some soothing lavender scents. Try some meditation mixed with some light and gentle exercise to clear your mind. Don’t forget to focus on yourself and what is best for you during these nerve-wracking and wearisome times. After all, a healthy and happy birth mother means a healthy and happy baby.

The Holidays Should be a Source of Joy, Not Anguish 

Our adoption specialists at Adoption Choices of Missouri are here to help you with all of your adoption needs this holiday season, whatever they may be. It is very important that the birth mother chooses what level of impact she wants to have over the course of her baby’s life. You can be involved as much as you want, but now the burden is not on your shoulders anymore. 

Think about any future holidays and what you want them to look like. You do have to be realistic you may not be able to see your baby every winter as they grow up and into a life of their own. But you don’t have to miss out on knowing the person they will become. The holidays don’t have to be a source of loneliness and anxiety. Instead, they can be a chance for you to connect with your baby and their adoptive family. Take this opportunity to take care of yourself. Reflect on what you want and need to make adoption work for you. We are here to help you make the process of placing your baby for adoption during the holidays less stressful and more empowering.

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: Kelly Felix is a graduate from the University of New Orleans. She holds a BA in English as well as a BA in Sociology. Her English concentration is in journalism, and her specialties in sociology are gender studies and environmental sociology.

When she isn’t voraciously guzzling coffee or devouring books, Kelly can be found either bent over a canvas working on her art or at her computer playing video games. She has hands-on classroom teaching experience from her time working as a substitute teacher for Kelly Services. Kelly also completed an in-house editorial internship at Pelican Publishing Company, and she finished the goal internship program at Green Light New Orleans. Kelly generally exists in a state of suspended disbelief, but when she’s not there she resides in New Orleans.

Birth Mother Blog

Should I Buy My Child’s Adoptive Parents a Gift? 

Should I Buy My Child’s Adoptive Parents a Gift? 

Finding the perfect gift for someone can be a challenge. That feeling when you get it right can make it well worth it in the end. If you’re a birth mother entering into the holiday season, you might be asking yourself, Should I buy my child’s adoptive parents a gift? The answer depends on your individual situation, but Adoption Choices of Missouri is here to help you through the process. There are several factors to consider when deciding whether to buy your child’s adoptive parents a gift. 

If you need adoption help now, call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

1. Honor the Type of Adoption You Chose

The question of whether or not to buy a gift for your child’s adoptive parents begins with what type of adoption you have chosen. If you have maintained some level of contact with your child and his or her adoptive family, you can certainly consider purchasing a gift. If you have a closed adoption, it is best to honor the agreement and save your gifts for the other important people in your life. 

2. Respect Their Religious Beliefs

Another factor to consider is the religious beliefs of your child’s adoptive family. Maybe they don’t celebrate Christmas or Hanukkah. Perhaps they don’t participate in the tradition of giving presents during the holidays. If this is the case, it is important for you to respect these personal choices. If you find something perfect that you’d love to give them, you can always save it for another occasion. 

3. Keep in Mind Your Financial Situation

Buying gifts can become very expensive. If you are currently in a stressful financial situation, take a moment to calculate if a gift fits into your budget. While it can be tempting to lean towards more expensive items, remember that a homemade gift or a card can deliver a similar (if not more) heartfelt message. It is always important to keep your own needs in mind during the holiday season. 

4. Be Mindful of Your Feelings

Do not feel pressured to get your child’s adoptive family a gift. Try and take some time to tune in to your own feelings and emotions. Ask yourself why you want to give a gift to your child’s adoptive family. If you truly want to give a present because you are celebrating the holidays or want to do something kind for the family, that’s great! However, if you find yourself wanting to give a gift due to any less positive emotions, such as pressure to appear a certain way, it might be best to hold off. You can always reassess everything during the next holiday season! Remember, the decision to give a gift always remains with you. 

Should I Buy My Child’s Adoptive Parents a Gift? 

The most important thing to do when making the decision to buy your child’s adoptive parents a gift is to listen to your emotions. Remember, you do not have to do anything you are not comfortable with. If you need help thinking through the process, you can always contact your adoption caseworker at Adoption Choices of Missouri for some guidance. You can also turn to friends and family for advice and support. 

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: Molly Doyle is a native San Franciscan, Molly is an experienced educator and a dedicated writer. She holds her multiple subject teaching credential as well as her Masters of Arts in Teaching. When not teaching children or creating new written pieces, Molly can be found kicking around a soccer ball, going for urban hikes or whipping up a fruit pie. 

She currently lives in Seattle, her first home outside of California. 

 

Birth Mother Blog

Adoption Gift Giving Etiquette as a Birth Mother 

Adoption Gift Giving Etiquette as a Birth Mother 

The appropriate gift for someone is as unique as the situation in which it is given. You wouldn’t get your teacher the same present that you got your partner or spouse, for example. Each gift is individual and special to the person you give it to.

If you are a birth mother wondering about adoption gift giving etiquette this holiday season, there are several things to keep in mind. In addition to these factors, you can always turn to your adoption caseworker at Adoption Choices of Missori for some assistance with the gift giving process. 

If you need adoption help now, call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

1. Honor Your Adoption Selection

The most important factor to keep in mind is the type of adoption that you have chosen. If you do not have an open adoption with your adoptive family, then it is inappropriate to break that contract. If you are experiencing heavy emotions during the holidays because you are unable to give a gift to your child or their adoptive family, don’t hesitate to reach out for help from family, friends or your adoption caseworker. 

2. Do Not Overstep Known Boundaries

Similar to giving a gift to a friend, presenting a gift to your adoptive family requires you to keep in mind what you already know about them. Do not select or create a gift that will offend anyone by making light of religious views or personal beliefs. In the same vein, make sure that you are not gifting an item that can be harmful, such as a food that contains an ingredient someone is allergic to. If necessary, always double check before sending a gift if you are at all unsure. 

3. Consider Something Personal 

It can be daunting to begin the decision-making process of what gift to get your adoptive family. A good starting point can be considering something that is personal. A personal gift can connect your and your adoptive family in a deep and positive way. It can also provide a chance for your child to learn more about you, if that is something that you and the adoptive parents are open to. When considering personal gifts, you might think along the lines of photo albums, letters or personalized items. 

4. Pay Attention to Your Budget

Another factor to consider when buying a gift for your adoptive family is your own budget. If you are purchasing a gift, it can be helpful to set a price range and stick to it. You will also want to consider what an appropriate budget is for your adoptive family. Will they be uncomfortable or embarrassed if you give them a very expensive item? Do they usually opt for homemade gifts? Familiarize yourself with this information and then review your own budget, so that you can choose or create a gift that will be appropriate for everyone. 

5. Plan When to Give Your Adoptive Family the Gift

When and how you present your adoptive family or your child’s gift will be unique to your situation. If this is your first time giving them a gift, it might be helpful to check in with them beforehand to see if they have any preferences. You want to avoid any discomfort by giving them a gift in a situation in which they do not feel comfortable or safe. 

Adoption Gift Giving Etiquette as a Birth Mother 

The most important things to keep in mind about adoption gift giving etiquette as a birth mother are your adoptive family’s needs and your own. If you have further questions or concerns about this process, Adoption Choices of Missouri is here to help. We understand the nuances of gift giving and are here to support you as much as possible. 

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: Molly Doyle is a native San Franciscan, Molly is an experienced educator and a dedicated writer. She holds her multiple subject teaching credential as well as her Masters of Arts in Teaching. When not teaching children or creating new written pieces, Molly can be found kicking around a soccer ball, going for urban hikes or whipping up a fruit pie. 

She currently lives in Seattle, her first home outside of California. 

 

Birth Mother Blog

5 Holiday Traditions to Start in an Open Adoption as a Birth Mother 

5 Holiday Traditions to Start in an Open Adoption as a Birth Mother 

As the holidays approach, having an open adoption allows you to share many precious moments with your child as a birth mother. This includes starting your own holiday traditions for your child as a birth mother, as you once shared with your parents. The holidays can bring up the emotions surrounding your choice to place your baby for adoption, but celebrating your child during the festive season will help ease the pain and bring warmth to your heart.

 Creating long-lasting holiday traditions as a birth mother is an important step of your adoption journey. The holidays can be tough knowing that your child may not be physically there with you. That said, you can still start any holiday tradition with your child and their adoptive parents that you can share for years to come. As a birth mother, establishing these traditions early on will be a great way to let your child know just how special and loved they are by you. 

At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we have listed five-holiday traditions to start in an open adoption as a birth mother.

  1. Create a Holiday Ornament

When the holidays come around, having a personalized ornament to hang on your tree or gift to your child is a great way to symbolize your selfless decision to choose adoption for him or her. As a birth mother, you can add your child’s birth weight, size, time and even their footprint to this ornament. You can also include any other special details you want to celebrate your child’s birth. This special gift will remind your child that you will never forget him or her and that they will always hold a special place in your heart and home. 

  1. Write a Letter / Send a Holiday Card

Writing a personalized letter to your child will let them know that you are thinking of them this holiday season. It will also remind him or her how much you love them. You can write special things you want your child to know, like how proud you are of them as they grow up. Writing such a special letter that your child can treasure as the years go by lets the special memory be a keepsake for him or her forever. 

  1. Have an After Holiday Visit

Visiting your child or having a special day picked out after the holidays for you both to enjoy will allow for special moments and a deep bond to form between you two. This special visit could be you inviting your child to your house to bake cookies, or to hang out with you and your family and his or her biological siblings. Whichever activity you choose will forever be a great tradition for your child to celebrate and remind them that they are an important part of your family.

  1. Start a Scrapbook

Capturing the big and small moments during the holiday season is a fantastic way to remember all the special times you get to spend with your child. This could be through taking a lot of pictures or creating a scrapbook. Either way,  your child’s holiday memories with you will have a fun and safe place for them to look at over and over again as they get older. 

  1. Give a Special Present 

If there is a keepsake or something you’d like to give your child, the holiday season is a great time to give it to them. Having a special gift from you will keep your bond with your child growing strong. Additionally, your gift will remind them how much you love them and that you’ll always be close by. 

Holiday Traditions to Start in an Open Adoption as a Birth Mother

As a birth mother, the holidays can be a tough time when going through your adoption journey, whether this is your first or third time celebrating with your child and their adoptive parents. However, it can also be a very special and memorable season where you create holiday traditions and have time together. If you are interested in starting a holiday tradition with your adoption triad this year, talk with your child’s adoptive parents about what would work best. 

Or, if you need extra support, know that Adoption Choices of Missouri is always here for you. We will not be closed during the holidays, so you will never be alone. Our adoption counselors will be available to give you the encouragement, comfort, and confidence you need to make it through this time of the year.

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: Samara Wiley is a published author of poetry, essays, and an environmental children’s storybook called, Waiting for the Water Fairy. She graduated from Benedictine University in 2018 with a double Bachelor of Arts in English Literature and French.She has been published in three small poetry anthologies one was called Talented.

Her other writing accomplishments include: winning a high school poetry competition and $2500 for her high school, having two out of her five novels be considered for publication and writing movie critic reviews for her university’s newsletter. 

Although she has Cerebral Palsy and has had a turbulent childhood, Samara puts these small specs of herself into her writing to personally connect with her audience. She prides herself on pushing the boundaries in her writing and in her personal life with everything she does. Samara writes with her heart and a voice of compassion, and loves to pull from her top passions in life.

She currently lives in Yorkville, Illinois with her mom and two sisters.

Birth Mother Blog

Adoptive Parent Profile Books: 7 Things to Look for as a Birth Mother in Missouri 

Adoptive Parent Profile Books: 7 Things to Look for as a Birth Mother in Missouri 

As a birth mother, deciding to place your baby for adoption is a hard but rewarding decision to make. It shows how deeply you love your child and how you’re keeping their best interests in mind. Now that you’ve chosen to work with our adoption agency, been assigned an adoption caseworker and have begun creating your adoption plan, it’s time to do the next step. Arguably, this is one of the most important steps in your adoption journey — picking your child’s adoptive parents. As a birth mother,your personal values and what lifestyle you want for your child are big decisions, so as you go through the choice of adoption, remember, your personal preferences matter when choosing adoptive parents and will be met with understanding and support. 

As a birth mother, there are many qualities that you will want your child to have, so choosing the right adoptive family for your child is a personal choice that narrows down potential matches from ten down to your top three. At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we have listed the top 7 important things to look for when searching for your child’s adoptive parents.

  1. Marital Status of the Adoptive Parents 

Some birth mothers look for married couples as they want loving, caring and stable parents to raise their child. As a birth mother, you may want to consider this if you prefer a married or unmarried couple to raise your child. If being married or not is a big deal breaker for you, you may reflect on your personal childhood and the relationship that you had with your parents. In understanding what marriage means for you, as a foundation to raise a child, you will understand what love is and what it means when it comes to your child.

  1. Size of the Adoptive Family

You may be wondering if you want your child to grow up in a small or large family, with siblings or not, or with a lot of extended family. Perhapsyou want your child to have a pet. The size of your child’s adoptive family is totally up to you. If you want your child to have a more small intimate family that’s okay, and if you want your child to experience the joy of having a big family then that is fine too. Whatever lifestyle you envisioned for your child, he or she will benefit from your personal choice either way. 

  1. Traditions of Adoptive Parents

As a birth mother, you want to know that your child’s adoptive parents will start and keep family traditions with them. Capturing small moments, like your child baking with his or her mother in the kitchen, or maybe helping them decorate the Christmas tree. Sharing these real moments will reassure you as a birth mother that important values and traditions will not just be a passtime for your child’s family. Rather, they will be memories that last a lifetime. 

  1. Everyday Life for the Adoptive Parents

Consider the daily life of your child’s adoptive parents. Ask what activities they plan to do with your child and how they will teach him and her things throughout your child’s life. For example, will your child’s adoptive parents take a mini trip to the zoo on weekends? Will Sundays be deemed family day, where everyone plays board games, eats pizza, and watches movies together? If you want an adoptive family who is active and spends a lot of time together, you can look for potential couples and individuals who might align with this as you look through their adoptive parent profile books

  1. Adoptive Parent Hobbies and Interests 

As a birth mother, having your child experience new and exciting adventures is one big plus to having your child be placed up for adoption. Seeing what kinds of hobbies that your child’s potential adoptive parents can help shape and influence your child towards a better future. For instance, if music was an important aspect of your life, you may look for adoptive parents who are musical or creative that way. Expressing your own interests may help you narrow your options as you search through adoptive parent profile books

  1. Family Values and Parenting Philosophies

Your values are important as they are the foundation of the teachings you want your child to learn. As a birth mother, you may want your child to have important values taught, and an open parent style from your chosen adoptive parents that will allow your child to freely express his or herself. Open conversations and having the ability to be honest with each other will help shape your child into a well-rounded person. 

  1. A Personal Message for the Birth Mother

Receiving a personal message from your child’s adoptive parents is an extra step that they can take to let you know you are a big part of this process. Reading this personalized message or letter, lets you establish a connection with the adoptive parents and helps you gain insight into the life they can offer your child. It also acts as a stepping stone to the bond you’ll form once you meet them and walk through the adoption journey together. 

How to Select the Right Adoptive Parents as a Birth Mother 

At our adoption agency, Adoption Choices of Missouri, we have detailed adoptive parent profiles that will highlight the top qualities that you, as a birth mother, will be looking for and wanting for your child. As a birth mother, your adoption caseworker will work with you to narrow down your choices based on your personal preferences. 

There is no right or wrong way to choose, just as there is no rush. Choosing who will raise your child is a big decision and will take time. Carefully read through each adoptive parent profile and take note of any connection you feel. This can help guide you as well. Remember that just as you are choosing a family for your child, the adoptive parents are also  choosing you as the birth mother. Selecting the right family for your child is such an important step in your adoption journey. It’s worth the time and effort to give your child the loving and caring adoptive parents they deserve.

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: Samara Wiley is a published author of poetry, essays, and an environmental children’s storybook called, Waiting for the Water Fairy. She graduated from Benedictine University in 2018 with a double Bachelor of Arts in English Literature and French.She has been published in three small poetry anthologies one was called Talented.

Her other writing accomplishments include: winning a high school poetry competition and $2500 for her high school, having two out of her five novels be considered for publication and writing movie critic reviews for her university’s newsletter. 

Although she has Cerebral Palsy and has had a turbulent childhood, Samara puts these small specs of herself into her writing to personally connect with her audience. She prides herself on pushing the boundaries in her writing and in her personal life with everything she does. Samara writes with her heart and a voice of compassion, and loves to pull from her top passions in life.

She currently lives in Yorkville, Illinois with her mom and two sisters.

Birth Mother Blog

6 Ways to Find Support as a Birth Mother During the Holidays

6 Ways to Find Support as a Birth Mother During the Holidays

The holiday season can be a stressful one for many people, even during a regular year. Add in a pandemic and stress levels can shoot through the roof. There is constant activity and a heightened pressure to appear joyful, regardless of how you may actually feel. If you are a birth mother who has gone through the adoption process with your child, you may be experiencing a unique set of intense emotions. The important thing to remember is that you are not alone. 

There are many reasons that birth mothers may experience feelings of stress or sadness during the holidays. Perhaps you are overwhelmed by the emotional decisions that accompany placing your baby for adoption in Missouri. Maybe you are a birth mother who is experiencing symptoms of Postpartum Depression and looking for support. You might be facing feelings of grief or loss or asking yourself many “what if” questions. Whatever your reason for seeking help, Adoption Choices of Missouri is here to support you all year round. 

There are many avenues to find support as a birth mother during the holidays. Here are 6 ways to find adoption support:

1. Confide in Friends or Family 

If you have supportive friends or family, turning to them for comfort can be helpful during the holidays. Discussing what is bothering you can relieve some of the burden of carrying heavy emotions inside. Participating in safe activities, such as outdoor walks, can also help focus your thoughts elsewhere. If this isn’t possible where you live, take the time to arrange a ZOOM call with your loved ones. 

2. Contact Your Child’s Adoptive Family 

If you have chosen an open adoption, contacting your child and his or her adoptive family can provide reassurance. If you are struggling with questions about how your child is experiencing the holidays, a brief check-in can answer those for you. Seeing that your child is loved and happy during this time may relieve any sense of worry that you may have. 

3. Join a Support Group

There are many support groups dedicated to creating a safe space for birth mothers to connect and share their feelings. If you are experiencing heavy emotions during the holidays, seeking a support group may help. It can be comforting to confide in others who may share a similar experience. Take some time to search support groups in your area and choose one that sounds the most welcoming and safe to you. 

4. Read Stories by Other Birth Mothers

Literature often helps us feel connected to people we have never met. It is a way to find support without having to leave the comfort of your home. If you do not feel comfortable sharing your feelings with others, reading stories or articles written by other birth mothers can still provide you with the connection you may need. Knowing that other women may have been through similar difficult times – an unplanned pregnancy, choosing adoption, walking the adoption journey – can be inspiring and comforting. You might also discover some useful tips that helped them through their own adoption process that you can try yourself. 

5. Ask Your Adoption Caseworker for Help

Your adoption caseworker is there to support you throughout the adoption process in Missouri. If you are an expecting mother or have recently placed your baby for adoption, reach out to your adoption caseworker for help during tough emotional times. He or she will do their best to lend you the help and comfort that you need. 

6. Check In with Your Adoption Agency 

Adoption Choices of Missouri is open throughout the holidays. If you are experiencing emotional difficulties, please come visit our adoption agency. We are happy to support you in any way that we can. 

Finding Support as a Birth Mother during the Holidays

At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we understand that the holidays can bring up complicated emotions for birth mothers. It is our goal to make you feel as comfortable and safe as possible throughout every step of your adoption journey. We are here to help you find the support that you need as a birth mother during the holiday season. 

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: Molly Doyle is a native San Franciscan, Molly is an experienced educator and a dedicated writer. She holds her multiple subject teaching credential as well as her Masters of Arts in Teaching. When not teaching children or creating new written pieces, Molly can be found kicking around a soccer ball, going for urban hikes or whipping up a fruit pie. 

She currently lives in Seattle, her first home outside of California. 

 

Birth Father Birth Mother Blog

4 Tips for First Christmas in an Open Adoption as a Birth Mother

First Christmas in an Open Adoption as a Birth Mother

The holidays are meant to be a joyous occasion, no matter what you celebrate. Christmas, among the many other holidays around this time, is an opportunity for families to gather and celebrate their togetherness. Yet, for many adoptive families and birth mothers, this is their first time doing this.

For some, the stress levels might be through the roof now. Birth mothers and adoptive families want to make this a momentous time for not only their child, but for their new, extended family as a whole. The first Christmas in an open adoption as a birth mother is a milestone, and Adoption Choices of Missouri wants it to be a special one that will continue in years to come. 

Here are some tips to help you navigate through this first holiday season.

1. Stop and Breathe

Remember that you are not doing this alone. In an open adoption, you have your child’s adoptive parents to collaborate with about how to make your first holiday season together special and memorable. You may be overly excited and anxious to see your child again post adoption, and that’s natural. But don’t forget to breathe. The holidays are indeed a significant point in the year, but it’s important to take time for yourself, relax, and enjoy the holiday celebrations.

2. Bond with Your Child’s Adoptive Parents

Coordinating how you want to spend the holidays together can also be a great opportunity for you to bond with your child’s adoptive parents. To get to know each other more and learn why the holiday season is important to them. 

Doing this will not only be beneficial for you all, but it will also positively impact your child. When he or she  sees how well  you and their adoptive parents are getting along, they will feel more secure and gain a better understanding of how an open adoption can work successfully.

3. Don’t be Afraid to Grieve

Unfortunately, many times, life throws us curveballs. Whether it’s issues with travel, finances, or timing, plans may get changed or cancelled. If you are not able to see your child for their first Christmas, this may be a difficult pill to swallow. It may provoke a series of emotions you weren’t expecting. Know that it’s okay to take time to grieve and process what you’re feeling.  Acknowledge how much it hurts not being able to spend the holidays with your child. Journal. Seek support from friends, family or from one of our adoption counselors. 

When you’re ready, find some joy in knowing that your child is with their loving and supportive adoptive family and that you will get to see him or her another time. Christmas is not the only opportunity for you to see your child nor is it the last.

4. Schedule a Virtual Visit

Due to the unpredictability of the pandemic, Christmas this year may look different for everyone. Seeing each other in person may be more challenging than ever before. If you find that this is the case for you this year, reach out to your child’s adoptive parents and schedule a virtual visit on ZOOM, Skype or FaceTime. This will still give you an opportunity to set  some time aside to see your baby and get to say ‘I love you.’ 

If you’ve sent gifts to your child and their adoptive parents, a virtual holiday celebration will provide you with the chance to watch their reactions as they open those. Even though you’re not able to be in the same room physically, having this connection can give you some peace and reassurance that your child is happy and enjoying their first Christmas. 

First Christmas in an Open Adoption as a Birth Mother

You faced an unplanned pregnancy, made it through the adoption process in Missouri, and now, if this is your first Christmas in an open adoption as a birth mother or the tenth one, there’s never a bad time to be thankful for the ones you hold close and dear to you. Every chance we get to be around our family is a blessing, and one that should not be taken for granted. 

You were the one to make a new family and, with it, a new tradition of being together on the holidays, no matter the circumstances. It’s all too easy — especially during the holiday season — to get caught up in the hustle and bustle and miss out on making memories together. So, take the time to celebrate with your baby and their adoptive family. Cherish the moments you have with them, so that memories you create during the holidays with your child and their adoptive parents will last a lifetime.

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the AuthorMy name is Alexander Charles Cooper, I come from a family of four that originates from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I, along with my younger brother Greyson were born in North Carolina, three years after my parents had wed and moved to the state. Alexander shares his birthday with Maya Angelou, which he takes great pride in. 

Growing up, Alexander had the privilege of having both parents in his life and a stable upbringing in which he was surrounded by family and friends. He believes that much of his family foundation is built on faith which has given him a discipline and practice that has allowed him to discover and build his spiritual self. He is also interested in politics and worldly news that allows him to excel in American literature, philosophy/ethics, and higher learning. 

From that, his passion in writing bloomed and he found his true calling: “I wished to create and write for a living and know it will be what makes me happiest. My only wish is for me to bring about positive change for others both near and far and leave a lasting legacy that contributes to the overall wellbeing and joy of others.”

.

 

Birth Mother Blog

3 Types of Adoption: Which is Right for You as a Birth Mother in Missouri? 

3 Types of Adoption: Which is Right for You as a Birth Mother in Missouri? 

Placing your child up for adoption is such a hard but rewarding decision. One hard part of the adoption process is deciding on what type of adoption you want for your child. You, as a birth mother, have three options: open, semi-open, and closed adoption. Each of the three types of adoption comes with a level of interaction and allows you to choose what would fit your comfort level, and what is best for you and your child. 

As a birth mother considering adoption, we at Adoption Choices of Missouri have listed the three types of adoption to help you determine which is right for you as a birth mother and your adoption journey.

Types of Adoption Available to You as a Birth Mother

1. Closed Adoption

The first type of adoption for you to consider is a closed adoption. Many decades ago, adoption was handled very differently. There was a lot of secrecy surrounding birth mothers who experience unplanned pregnancies. So much so, in fact, that pregnant women were sent away to have their babies in private. They were then told to return to their everyday life like nothing happened. The babies born were given to families, and the birth mothers weren’t able to find out where they went or what happened to them. 

Closed adoptions are still available for birth mothers and adoptive families today, but aren’t as frequent. However, we understand that each and every adoption journey is unique, and that this may be the right choice for a birth mother, depending on her life circumstances. 

What does a closed adoption look like? In short, this type of adoption is confidential and doesn’t permit any communication to happen between you, your child or your child’s adoptive parents. Likewise, no personal information is shared. Your child will not be able to know anything about you until they turn 18 years of age, or whatever age is deemed an adult in their home state. If you want to have complete privacy, this may be the right choice for you.

2. Open Adoption

The second major type of adoption for you to consider is known as open adoption. This is the complete opposite of closed adoption, and has become the more popular choice in today’s adoption world. As an adoption agency, we strongly advocate for all our birth mothers and adoptive parents to think about open adoption because we believe it keeps everyone’s best interests at heart.

For starters, open adoption allows the most interaction and communication between you and your child’s adoptive parents. This can include, but is not limited to: video chats, phone calls and in-person visits. The frequency of this can be discussed after you’ve selected and met your child’s adoptive family and are getting to know them. 

Open adoption will allow you to get to know your child as he or she grows up. As a birth mother, you will have the chance to answer questions that your child might have about their adoption in the future, like why did you give me up for adoption? 

If having a relationship with your child and their adoptive parents is important to you, choosing open adoption may be the best option for you.

2. Semi-Open Adoption

The third and final type of adoption is called a semi-open adoption. This is an in-between of open and closed, and often referred to as either “the best of both worlds” or “a happy medium.” A semi-open adoption allows you to have limited contact with your child and their adoptive family. Communication is usually mediated through your adoption caseworker, our agency or a secure online portal we use called ChildConnect. This virtual program lets you and your child’s adoptive parents exchange letters, photos and updates without having to share personal information.  

Semi adoption can still provide you, the birth mother, with access to details about your child’s well-being and let your child always get to know you as his or her birth parent from a safe distance. You are still able to select your child’s adoptive parents, if you want to, and form a bond with them and your child as well. If you want to know how your child is doing, but not be too involved, semi-open adoption allows you, the birth mother, to set the necessary boundaries to respect everyone’s privacy. 

How to Choose Your Adoption Type as a Birth Mother 

As a birth mother, choosing the right adoption type that fits the needs you have for you and your baby is a crucial step in your adoption journey. Making this decision involves thinking about what kind of relationship you want with your child and their adoptive parents. It’s important for you to know that there is no right or wrong type of adoption to choose. Your personal choice will reflect whatever is best for you and your child. 

If you need any guidance, you can speak with an adoption professional at Adoption Choices of Missouri. Our adoption agency will go over the three types of adoption available to you and help you pick the right path for you as a birth mother. 

Advice for Birth Mothers

Determining which adoption type is right for you is a unique experience for you and your child. You may have many questions about which adoption choice is right for you. With our adoption agency’s help, there are no questions that will go unanswered. As a birth mother, you will have the full support of your adoption caseworker and our agency. We will help you understand each type of adoption to ensure that you  have a positive adoption experience. 

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: Samara Wiley is a published author of poetry, essays, and an environmental children’s storybook called, Waiting for the Water Fairy. She graduated from Benedictine University in 2018 with a double Bachelor of Arts in English Literature and French.She has been published in three small poetry anthologies one was called Talented.

Her other writing accomplishments include: winning a high school poetry competition and $2500 for her high school, having two out of her five novels be considered for publication and writing movie critic reviews for her university’s newsletter. 

Although she has Cerebral Palsy and has had a turbulent childhood, Samara puts these small specs of herself into her writing to personally connect with her audience. She prides herself on pushing the boundaries in her writing and in her personal life with everything she does. Samara writes with her heart and a voice of compassion, and loves to pull from her top passions in life.

She currently lives in Yorkville, Illinois with her mom and two sisters.

 

Birth Mother Blog

5 Common Questions Birth Mothers Have About Adoption in Missouri

5 Common Questions Birth Mothers Have About Adoption

With any event, there is typically a lot of preparation and asking as many questions as possible. Planning to place your baby for adoption is no exception. If you are a birth mother thinking about placing your baby for adoption, chances are you have a lot of questions. The good thing is that we have answers! 

There are many common questions that birth mothers have about adoption. While we understand that some of these will be unique to your life, know that you are not alone in wanting more information. At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we want to prepare you for your adoption journey so you feel confident in every decision you make. 

  1. What is the Role of the Adoption Agency?

Our top priority is ensuring that you are supported throughout the adoption process. You will be matched with an adoption caseworker who will be your guide throughout your journey. They will be there to answer any questions, help you put together an adoption plan that fits your needs and assist you during the adoptive family screening process. 

We understand the importance of an educated choice. Our staff  will work hard to make sure that you receive all the information that you need to feel confident in your choice to place your baby for adoption. We will also be available to assist with any paperwork and help scheduling post-placement visits with your child, if that is a decision you make. 

  1. Can I Choose My Child’s Adoptive Family? 

The short answer is yes. You are in charge when it comes to selecting an adoptive family for your child. Your adoption caseworker can help you generate a list of important values and beliefs that you would like your child’s adoptive family to share. From there, you will browse through potential families portfolios. You will be able to speak to any adoptive family that you choose on the phone before meeting them in-person. 

The choice to move forward with any adoptive family is yours; however, we do understand how emotional this decision can be. That’s why  your adoption caseworker will be there to support you throughout the process. 

  1. What are the Different Kinds of Adoption?

There are three different types of adoption. As a birth mother, you may choose between an open, semi-open or closed adoption for your child. This can be a difficult choice to make, and your adoption caseworker will be available to educate and guide you. It is up to you to make the choice that best fits your needs. We understand the unique position of every mother and are here to support your decision.

  1. Can I Communicate with My Child after Placing them for Adoption? 

This is another choice that is yours to make and will ultimately depend on the type of adoption that you select. If having a relationship with your child is important to you, this can be outlined in the adoption plan you will create with your adoption caseworker. He or she will assist you in detailing what you would like communication with your child to look like. This will also be something that you can discuss with your child’s adoptive family as well. Your adoption caseworker can help facilitate this dialogue and ensure that everyone is on the same page. 

  1. Can I Receive Financial Assistance During my Pregnancy? 

With Adoption choices of Missouri, you may have the option of receiving financial help. The amount of financial assistance is determined by eligibility. Your adoption caseworker will review the criteria for eligibility with you and help you get the aid that you need. What are some of the costs that might be covered if you are eligible for assistance? Anything that directly impacts your health or the health of the baby such as rent assistance, grocery bills or transportation funds. 

Common Questions Birth Mothers have about Adoption

These are by no means the only questions that are important to answer. At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we understand that you probably have many questions and we are here to help you answer all of them! In the meantime, we hope that these common questions many birth mothers have about adoption can help you get started. Your confidence during your adoption journey is of utmost importance to us and that begins with information. 

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: Molly Doyle is a native San Franciscan, Molly is an experienced educator and a dedicated writer. She holds her multiple subject teaching credential as well as her Masters of Arts in Teaching. When not teaching children or creating new written pieces, Molly can be found kicking around a soccer ball, going for urban hikes or whipping up a fruit pie. 

She currently lives in Seattle, her first home outside of California. 

Birth Mother Blog

Important Questions to Ask Yourself before Placing Your Baby for Adoption

Important Questions to Ask Yourself before Placing Your Baby for Adoption in Missouri

An unplanned pregnancy and choosing to place your baby for adoption can  be very stressful for birth mothers. The adoption journey, as a whole, can be as well. After all, there are so many moving pieces and decisions to be made before, after and during your adoption journey. When you consider all of this upfront, it’s all too easy to feel overwhelmed. 

But you are not alone! You have options. Whether your pregnancy was planned or unplanned, you have researched your options and are wanting to explore adoption deeper. Adoption Choices of Missouri is here for you! We want to put your mind at ease and provide all the information you need to help you make the best choice for you and your baby.

Here are five important questions to ask yourself before placing your baby for adoption.

  • Am I Ready to Give Up My Pursuits?

For most birth mothers, timing is the biggest factor in why they put their babies up for adoption. Their job, college admission, or maybe even family connectivity could be at stake when first discovering they are pregnant. It’s important to know whether you are in the right situation to care for your child or not. 

What kind of care are you able to provide? What kind of child care do you feel you may not be able to provide that perhaps an adoptive family can? Your baby deserves every chance at happiness and in life. Not only your baby, but you as well.

Ask yourself, “Am I ready for a child?  Being honest and open with yourself will help provide you with that answer.

  • How will This Change My Life?

Taking care of your baby can completely upend your daily routine or change your schedule that you are comfortable with. It is a full time, around the clock job. Caring for another human being takes patience and the stresses it comes with it can be heavy. For some expectant mothers, this can be too much to bear.

Your life might not have the allotted time needed to nurture a baby. You may want to move things aside, cancel something here, reschedule there. But that may not be enough. 

A baby can and will completely change your life. You must know whether you are prepared for that.

  • Am I Ready for Motherhood? Now and for the Rest of My Life?

Being a mother does not stop when your child grows up. Being a mother does not stop when your child moves out. It’s a forever link and a forever bond. But with that bond comes responsibility. Children rely heavily on their parents from birth, and sometimes even into their adulthood. There is no ending point for motherhood.

Your baby will require you to meet their every need until one day they can provide those needs for themselves. Are you physically, mentally, emotionally and financially prepared to raise your child and give them the life they deserve?

  • What Kind of Adoption Choice is Right for Me?

It’s important to determine just how you would like you and your baby’s future to look when choosing to place him or her for adoption. Ask yourself where you will see yourself in the coming years after your child is born. How will your possible situation shape your relationship with your baby? 

Will you be in a place where you can maintain a steady relationship with your baby? Do you want to be involved in their lives? If this is important to you, then an open adoption might be for you. If not, there are other options that any birth mother can choose from that best suits the circumstances she is in. The key is to know what you want and what is best for both you and your baby.

  • What Happens if I Change my Mind?

One of the most common things for birth mothers to experience when they first put their babies up for adoption is symptoms of grief, sadness or regret. It can be a rollercoaster of emotions that run through you. You have every right to change your mind before the baby is born. However, when you relinquish your parental rights and the adoption process is finalized in court, there is no going back. So, it’s important for you to come to terms with your decision and get the support you need to help you through your adoption journey.

You will, of course, have good days where you are the happiest you have ever been. Then you might have some days where you may be at the lowest lows you never could have imagined. These waves of emotions are natural. But remember you are not alone. You are not the only woman who has ever had to face this and you won’t be the last.It’s all a part of the process. It will get better and you will get better along with it. Trust in Adoption Choices of Missouri. We will walk with you and provide everything you need to make things easier for you. 

Important Questions to Ask Yourself Before Placing Your Baby for Adoption

Even after these questions, there is one that is unquestionable in all this: your strength. You have the power to create families and futures that cannot be taken from you. There is no manual, no handbook, no surefire way of being a perfect parent; but, do not let that keep you from giving your baby the life he or she deserves.

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the AuthorMy name is Alexander Charles Cooper, I come from a family of four that originates from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I, along with my younger brother Greyson were born in North Carolina, three years after my parents had wed and moved to the state. Alexander shares his birthday with Maya Angelou, which he takes great pride in. 

Growing up, Alexander had the privilege of having both parents in his life and a stable upbringing in which he was surrounded by family and friends. He believes that much of his family foundation is built on faith which has given him a discipline and practice that has allowed him to discover and build his spiritual self. He is also interested in politics and worldly news that allows him to excel in American literature, philosophy/ethics, and higher learning. 

From that, his passion in writing bloomed and he found his true calling: “I wished to create and write for a living and know it will be what makes me happiest. My only wish is for me to bring about positive change for others both near and far and leave a lasting legacy that contributes to the overall wellbeing and joy of others.”

 

Posts navigation