Birth Mother Blog

Can I Change My Mind about Adoption in Missouri?

Can I Change My Mind about Adoption in Missouri?

Adoption Choices of Missouri knows that the many decisions that are laid at the feet of birth mothers when they choose adoption can be overwhelming. There is so much riding on your decisions and your future plans for you and your baby.

As humans, we change our mind, we go back on past decisions or choose not to move forward with something. It is natural to second guess. For birth mothers, it is no different. You face so many unknowns alongside uncertainties that potentially will just stress you out.

Many of the questions birth mothers may have when first making their adoption plan is, “Can I change my mind about adoption?” We are going to shed some light on that question and provide some answers.

Can I Change My Mind about Adoption? 

When considering adoption, it’s important to be mindful of your state’s rules and regulations regarding the relinquishing of your parental rights. You may only have a small window if you are thinking about changing your mind. However, this can greatly vary, depending on where you live. In Missouri, you can change your mind about your decision up until 48 to 72 hours after birth.

That said, it’s important to talk with your adoption agency if you start to have some apprehensions in moving forward with your adoption plan. It is totally natural to feel nervous. If you come to the conclusion that you no longer want to put your baby in the care of an adoptive family before any official documents, agreements, or signatures are exchanged, it is definitely a doable action.

However, from the moment you sign away your parental rights, you cannot change your mind about adoption. The same is true if you sign the relinquishment paperwork when you’re pregnant. Because of this, you should think carefully about what you believe is the best course of action and is within your means of doing.

Why would I Want to Change My Mind about Adoption?

Careful meditation and consideration is important when going back on your decision of adoption. We know all too well the massive range of emotions birth mothers may feel when they are faced with having to place their baby for adoption. It can be hard and emotionally draining. Feelings of regret, immense sadness, maybe even some amount of guilt or shame may be felt.

It’s easier said than done, but combating these emotions from clouding your judgement is imperative to making the right choice for you and your baby. You do not want to make the wrong decision that is based on the series of negative emotions you felt just in that moment.

One of the best ways to cope with this is to change your perspective in the situation if you see it as something that weighs heavy sadness on you. Seeing it as giving your baby a better shot at life, a brighter future, a linking between two families.

After Changing My Mind about Adoption, What Comes Next?

Whether it is during the pregnancy or after your baby is born, it is best to continue updating and coordinating with your adoption agency, even after you have reversed your decision in wanting to put your baby up for adoption. Moving forward, see how your situation has changed and why you chose to change your mind in the first place. What between now and then has caused your circumstances to shift in favor of keeping your baby and not wanting to place them with an adoptive family?

If you believe those changes are long-lasting, positive changes that you can maintain for you and your baby, it is wonderful that you want to be a parent and keep your baby.

For reassurance, even while pregnant or after the baby is born, nothing you can say or do fully commits you to adoption. Everything must be legally processed before any decisions become irrevocable. You are always in control of your own adoption plan, and that is something that cannot be taken away from you. The whole point of this is for you to make the decisions that work best for you and your child. Nothing should stand in the way of that.

The main points are to do extensive research so you and your adoption agency can stay informed with each other, meditate deeply and truthfully on what you want for yourself and your baby, and to be honest about the future you want for them.

For all things adoption, find us here and let’s get started on your adoption plan today.

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: My name is Alexander Charles Cooper, I come from a family of four that originates from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I, along with my younger brother Greyson were born in North Carolina, three years after my parents had wed and moved to the state. Alexander shares his birthday with Maya Angelou, which he takes great pride in.

Growing up, Alexander had the privilege of having both parents in his life and a stable upbringing in which he was surrounded by family and friends. He believes that much of his family foundation is built on faith which has given him a discipline and practice that has allowed him to discover and build his spiritual self. He is also interested in politics and worldly news that allows him to excel in American literature, philosophy/ethics, and higher learning.

From that, his passion in writing bloomed and he found his true calling: “I wished to create and write for a living and know it will be what makes me happiest. My only wish is for me to bring about positive change for others both near and far and leave a lasting legacy that contributes to the overall wellbeing and joy of others.”

Birth Mother Blog

8 Things to Consider when Creating Your Birth Plan as a Birth Mother

8 Things to Consider when Creating Your Birth Plan as a Birth Mother

When you find out you are expecting, you can go through a lot of emotions. So, as you sit down to develop your birth plan, also known as a hospital plan, with your adoption caseworker, it’s natural to feel overwhelmed or stressed. It’s also okay to let your adoption caseworker know how you feel, so that they can help you.

As an expectant birth mother, it’s beneficial to create a detailed birth plan for you and your baby as you get closer to your baby’s due date. Consider what preferences you may have for your hospital experience. Things that would help you, or people who you’d like to be there with you.

Remember, at Adoption Choices of Missouri, we are to guide you through your adoption journey. To help you get started with this portion of the adoption process, we have listed eight things to consider when you are creating your birth plan.

  1. What Kind of Birth Do You Want in Your Birth Plan?

Deciding what kind of birth you want is totally up to you. You can choose either an all natural birth or a C-section. You can have pain management or give birth without any medication. Whichever birth style you choose, remember this is your choice as a birth mother, and you have every right to have the birth that you want.

  1. Do You want Alone Time with Your Baby after Giving Birth in Your Birth Plan?

Having one-on-one time with your baby is hard, especially after you have just given birth. Spending a precious moment alone with your baby will provide you with a chance to memorize his or her features, soak up the joyous emotions of having a baby and give you a chance to say goodbye before the adoptive parents take him or her home.

  1. Who Do You Want in the Delivery Room with You in Your Birth Plan?

Deciding who should accompany you to the delivery room is such a personal decision. You may just want one specific person, like your mother or partner or spouse in the room, or you may be comfortable with the adoptive mom in the room. That said, you don’t have to feel pressured to have the adoptive parents in the delivery room with you, if you don’t want them to. Giving birth is a private moment, and you should do whatever makes you feel comfortable.

  1. Who Gets to Hold the Baby First in Your Birth Plan? 

Figuring out who will hold the baby first can come down to personal preference, or emotions that may arise after labor. If in your birth plan you mention that the adoptive parents should hold the baby first, but then, on the day of, change your mind, that is okay. Your adoption caseworker is prepared for last minute changes, as these can happen when emotions are high.

Some birth mothers do not want to hold their baby first initially, but change their mind after giving birth. So, whether you have just given birth, or are still going through the planning stages, think about what option may be best for you. What you may need. Ask yourself: if you didn’t get to hold your baby, would you regret it?

Holding your baby for the first time is such a special moment for you as a birth mother and sharing this experience with the adoptive mother, or simply having this moment alone with your baby, will form a special bond that will grow.

  1. What Questions do You want to Ask the Adoptive Parents in Your Birth Plan?

As you consider everything you want in your birth plan, you may have questions that you’d like to ask the adoptive parents. These questions may include, but are not limited to:

  • What expectations do you have for the hospital experience?
  • How would you like to be involved?
  • Would you like to have a group picture taken after the birth?
  • How do we each decide on a name for the baby?

Many of the questions mentioned above may be on your mind or be ones that you have not considered before. However, you can discuss any questions or concerns you have with the adoptive parents’ involvement in your birth plan.

  1. Do You want Someone to Take Photos of You with Your Baby in Your Birth Plan? 

Having a private or joint photoshoot with you, your baby, and the adoptive parents can be such a memorable moment, and one that can help you document this moment forever. Choosing to remember the day your birth child was born and seeing the look on the adoptive parents’ face when they first held him or her can become a special part of your adoption journey. It can also remind you that you made the right decision.

  1. Who will Keep the Baby’s Delivery Momentos in Your Birth Plan?

After your baby’s birth, deciding who takes home your baby’s hospital ID bracelet, hospital hat, blanket, and other hospital favors is a hard decision. On one hand, your child’s adoptive parents will become your child’s parents, so they may want to keep certain mementos to remember such an important day. On the other hand, you may want to keep one or all of your baby’s birth momentos as a reminder of your birth child and your adoption journey. Maybe you decide to keep one and give the adoptive parents the rest as a way of bonding with them and strengthening your relationship and connection with them and your child.  

  1. Do You Want to Leave Before or After the Adoptive Parents in Your Birth Plan? 

Choosing to stay in the hospital while you know your child is in another room bonding with his or her new parents can be such a hard thing to go through as you are experiencing grief and loss, while the adoptive parents are overjoyed at becoming parents. As a birth mother, you may want to be distant from the adoptive parents and leave before them, so it is not as painful knowing your child is no longer legally yours. However, you may want to say goodbye to your child and their parents.

Whatever you are feeling during the last few days or moments with your child is perfectly okay. You should embrace these feelings because you have gone through a difficult, but rewarding, adoption journey that will be a part of you forever.

Advice to Expecting Birth Mothers Making a Birth Plan 

Remember, as a birth mother, your choices matter. Whatever details you want to put into your birth plan is totally up to you. If you ever feel like you need assistance in creating your birth plan, you can consult with your adoption caseworker, who will assist you with all your questions and concerns.

Adoption is an already hard decision, but making your birth plan doesn’t have to be. Take some time and talk with other birth mothers in your area, research online birth mother groups or speak with trusted friends or family members about what you want or should think about. More importantly, give yourself time to step away and carefully think about the eight things to consider when creating your birth plan that we’ve mentioned here. Remember your birth plan will be unique to you and only you, so listen to your heart when thinking about how you’d like your hospital experience to go.

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: Samara Wiley is a published author of poetry, essays, and an environmental children’s storybook called, Waiting for the Water Fairy. She graduated from Benedictine University in 2018 with a double Bachelor of Arts in English Literature and French.She has been published in three small poetry anthologies one was called Talented.

Her other writing accomplishments include: winning a high school poetry competition and $2500 for her high school, having two out of her five novels be considered for publication and writing movie critic reviews for her university’s newsletter.

Although she has Cerebral Palsy and has had a turbulent childhood, Samara puts these small specs of herself into her writing to personally connect with her audience. She prides herself on pushing the boundaries in her writing and in her personal life with everything she does. Samara writes with her heart and a voice of compassion, and loves to pull from her top passions in life.

She currently lives in Yorkville, Illinois with her mom and two sisters.

Birth Mother Blog

4 Steps to After-Delivery Adoption 

4 Steps to After-Delivery Adoption 

Sometimes, our personal paths become clearer in the aftermath of a big event. If you are a new mother living in Missouri, it’s not too late to rule out adoption as an available option. Perhaps you have realized that you aren’t ready to parent a child. Maybe you’re experiencing long term financial difficulties that will make it hard to raise your child the way you’d like. No matter your personal reasons, adoption can be a life-changing solution.

At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we welcome birth mothers of all different backgrounds and situations. We are happy to provide you with guidance and education as you begin your adoption journey.

Step 1: Choose Adoption 

If you are a new mother and are considering adoption, it is important to think through your decision carefully. At our adoption agency, after delivery adoption is still an option until your child is a toddler. However, it is beneficial for your child to make this choice sooner rather than later. Talk it over with people you trust. Do some research and consider some of the benefits of adoption.

Once you are firm in your decision to place your baby for adoption, your first step will be to reach out to Adoption Choices of Missouri. We will schedule an initial meeting with you. You’ll be paired with an adoption caseworker who will be your support throughout your adoption journey.

Step 2: Select an Adoptive Family

A large part of your adoption process will consist of choosing an adoptive family for your child. You’ll be provided with a large selection of potential adoptive family portfolios. You can select an adoptive family based on factors that are important to you, such as personal beliefs or culture. All of our potential adoptive families are thoroughly vetted and will be able to provide a safe and loving home for your baby.

Step 3: Decide on the Type of Adoption You Want

You will also need to make plans for communication with your child and his or her adoptive family post adoption. There are three types of adoptions to choose from and your adoption caseworker can walk you through each of the options. Keep in mind that the type of adoption you choose will be based on your personal preferences and needs. This means that there is no right or wrong choice, simply different available paths to take.

Step 4: Make Legal Plans for Adoption

The last step in your adoption journey will be to meet with our legal team. Your lawyer and social worker will help you sign over legal custody of your child to his or her adoptive family. This can be a very emotional moment and it can be helpful to talk through your feelings with someone you trust. You can also set up a time to meet with an adoption counselor through the services that we provide throughout your adoption journey, as well as post adoption.

After Delivery Adoption 

Our staff at Adoption Choices of Missouri understand that life is complicated. If you are a new mother considering adoption, we are here to answer your questions and start you on your journey.

As much as possible, do try and make the decision to place your child for adoption as soon as you can. This will benefit your baby and allow for a smooth transition into his or her adoptive family. Remember, you are making the choice that is best for you and your baby, and our staff is here to walk you through these big decisions. Your safety and well-being, as well as that of your child, are our top priorities.

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: Molly Doyle is a native San Franciscan, Molly is an experienced educator and a dedicated writer. She holds her multiple subject teaching credential as well as her Masters of Arts in Teaching. When not teaching children or creating new written pieces, Molly can be found kicking around a soccer ball, going for urban hikes or whipping up a fruit pie.

She currently lives in Seattle, her first home outside of California.

Birth Mother Blog

What is the Difference between Expectant Mother or Pregnant Woman and Birth Mother?

What is the Difference between Expectant Mother or Pregnant Woman and Birth Mother?

Have you ever been unsure of someone’s title or what a certain word means? It happens to all of us, and it can sometimes result in embarrassment or discomfort. In reality, the best thing to do when we aren’t sure about a definition or the correct word to use is to ask. Learning about a topic shows that you care about it.

If you are considering adoption, or are supporting someone who is interested in adoption, chances are you’ve come across the terms expectant mother, pregnant woman and birth mother. It can be confusing knowing when to use each term. At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we often use these words in our blog posts and information sections. There are a few key differences between each of these phrases.

Expectant Mother

Expectant mother is used to describe a woman who is currently pregnant. She has not given birth yet. When discussing adoption, the term expectant mother is used to describe someone who has not yet decided to place their baby for adoption. An expectant mother is still making decisions regarding the future of her child. She might be considering adoption as an option, but has not reached any final conclusions.

Pregnant Woman 

Like the term expectant mother, we use the words pregnant woman to describe any woman who is pregnant with a child. A pregnant woman is someone who has not made any final plans to begin her adoption journey. Rather, she may be considering placing her baby for adoption. She might be openly considering her other options as well.

Birth Mother 

A pregnant woman or an expectant mother becomes a birth mother once she has committed to placing her baby for adoption. At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we refer to the women who are embarking on their adoption journeys with us as birth mothers.

A birth mother has made the decision to place her baby for adoption. It doesn’t matter what step of her adoption journey she is at, she is still considered a birth mother. Does the term carry over post adoption? Yes, it does. After a birth mother’s child has gone home with his or her adoptive family, she is still a birth mother.

The Importance of Using Adoption Terminology Correctly 

Why do we pay so much attention to the language we use when discussing birth mothers and pregnant women? Being intentional with the words we use creates a welcoming environment. It signifies and acknowledges the differences between women who are on their adoption journey and women who are considering adoption as an option.

Using appropriate language is also a show of support and recognition. Adoption is a path that is both incredibly rewarding and intensely emotional. Employing the correct terms when discussing a birth mother or pregnant women’s journey can help avoid any words that may have negative undertones. When we speak about adoption and birth mothers, our goal is to be inclusive and supportive of all women, regardless of their decisions.

Which are You: Expectant Mother or Birth Mother?

In short, the difference between an expectant mother, pregnant woman and birth mother is the phase of her adoption journey she is in. If you are a pregnant woman or an expectant mother who is considering adoption, feel free to reach out to Adoption Choices of Missouri for more information. If you are a birth mother who is ready to begin her adoption journey with us, we are here to support and encourage you every step of the way.

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: Molly Doyle is a native San Franciscan, Molly is an experienced educator and a dedicated writer. She holds her multiple subject teaching credential as well as her Masters of Arts in Teaching. When not teaching children or creating new written pieces, Molly can be found kicking around a soccer ball, going for urban hikes or whipping up a fruit pie.

She currently lives in Seattle, her first home outside of California.

Birth Mother Blog

The Pros and Cons of Adoption with a Family Member vs. Private Adoption in Missouri

The Pros and Cons of Adoption with a Family Member vs. Private Adoption in Missouri

Are you a birth mother considering adoption in Missouri, trying to decide between adoption with a family member vs. private adoption? You may be feeling very conflicted trying to decide between your own family versus picking out an adoptive family through an adoption agency. There are so many different positive and negative aspects that apply to each adoption option.

The Pros and Cons of Adoption with a Family Member

You may be heavily considering adoption with a family member, aka relative adoption or kinship adoption. Kinship adoption is defined as when an adult adopts an eligible family member. In this case, you would be placing your baby with a dependable and trustworthy family member.

Pros of Kinship Adoption

The pros of kinship adoption almost write themselves. After all, who better to place your baby with than a reliable family member? It is only natural that you would want to place your baby for adoption with a family member when you already trust this person you have known your whole life. Just please make sure that you are choosing a family member because you genuinely want them to raise your baby, not to simply placate or appease a family member who would otherwise disapprove of you choosing adoption.

Kinship adoption can seem like the obvious choice, especially if you are considering an open adoption. This is a great way to make sure that you will be able to see your baby over the years, at least during the holidays or at family reunions. Alternatively, you can still see your baby if you choose a private adoption with an adoption agency. You just have to tell them that the type of adoption you are choosing is an open adoption, in which case you will be able to maintain contact with your baby and dictate your own level of involvement in his or her life.

Maybe you are even hoping that if you choose a family member, then you will see your baby so much that one day you will even get to resume being the parent. However, please understand that adoption is a legally permanent termination of your parental rights, so choosing a family member does not necessarily mean that you will get to be a parent again later on. If you are looking for something less permanent, then a temporary guardianship with a family member may be a better fit for you.

Cons of Kinship Adoption

Unfortunately, the reality is that, good or bad, this will permanently change the dynamic and relationship you have with this family member. Your relative will be the official parent and guardian of your baby, which means they will have the final say once the adoption process is completed. This can be a harsh daily reminder that you have given up your parental rights and make you feel like an outcast around your own family when an issue arises. You must keep in mind that you will have to respect their final say and decisions as the parent.

If you do choose kinship adoption, please seriously consider how it may confuse parenting roles or affect future relationships with your family. Disagreements over parenting styles can lead to some major conflicts within the family. Try to think of any and all scenarios that might complicate the family dynamic. There is nothing worse than a disagreement that causes a rift between family members. Your family should be a support system that provides comfort and relief, not a source of stress or conflict.

The Pros and Cons of Private Adoption

The other type of adoption you may be considering is private adoption, or domestic infant adoption. Even though “domestic infant adoption” may seem like a mouthful, it simply means that a birth parent willingly and voluntarily places their baby for adoption with the adoptive family of their choice.

Pros of Private Adoption

Perhaps kinship adoption just isn’t for you. Maybe you and your family have very different fundamental views on things that are important to you, like religion, race, or LGBT equality. That is why going through an adoption agency like Adoption Choices of Missouri would be beneficial to you. We welcome people from all creeds and walks of life with our open, nondiscriminatory practices.

Maybe you and your family agree on all of those points, but you just want more control over the adoption process without your family trying to take charge of everything. Choosing a private adoption through our adoption agency means that you are the decision maker and have the final say in everything. Adoption is your decision, and you should be the one who gets to choose the adoptive family and make your own adoption plan. You will be the one who lays out the blueprints for your adoption plan and who sets the ground rules for how much involvement you would like post placement when you choose which type of adoption is right for you.

Not only does choosing a private adoption through our adoption agency mean that placing your baby for adoption will be at absolutely no cost to you, but we are a full-service agency that provides financial assistance. This means that you will receive help with things like rent, utilities, groceries, transportation, hospital fees, legal representation, and more, as long as you are eligible. We even provide support counseling afterwards to help you adjust to post-placement life and to deal with the grief that comes from the loss of parenthood.

Cons of Private Adoption

Going through an adoption agency means that you will not know the adoptive family beforehand. Placing your baby with a stranger can certainly seem scary or make you hesitate. However, you should note that Adoption Choices of Missouri is also a fully licensed adoption agency. As a fully licensed agency, all of our adoptive families are pre-screened and pre-qualified, so that your baby will be going to a safe and loving home, no matter what.

Whether You Decide Between Adoption with a Family Member vs. Private Adoption, Don’t Wait to Contact an Adoption Agency 

Whether you decide adoption with a family member vs. private adoption is right for you, do not hesitate or wait to contact a suitable adoption agency today. Either way, adoption is a beautiful act of love for your baby that should never be rushed. The longer you wait, the less time you will have to make sure that everything is just right.

If you have chosen a kinship adoption, please really consider all of the different scenarios that may affect your relationship with your family as a result of choosing adoption with a family member. Make it clear to them what parenting styles are important to you and set any boundaries or ground rules for how involved a parent you would like to be ahead of time.

If you have chosen a private adoption, you will want to make sure that you have plenty of time to select and meet the adoptive family you have chosen. No matter what type of family you choose from our adoptive family portfolios, your baby will be placed in a nurturing and loving home. Adoption Choices of Missouri is here for you as a fully licensed, full-service agency.

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: Kelly Felix is a graduate from the University of New Orleans. She holds a BA in English as well as a BA in Sociology. Her English concentration is in journalism, and her specialties in sociology are gender studies and environmental sociology.

When she isn’t voraciously guzzling coffee or devouring books, Kelly can be found either bent over a canvas working on her art or at her computer playing video games. She has hands-on classroom teaching experience from her time working as a substitute teacher for Kelly Services. Kelly also completed an in-house editorial internship at Pelican Publishing Company, and she finished the goal internship program at Green Light New Orleans. Kelly generally exists in a state of suspended disbelief, but when she’s not there she resides in New Orleans.

Birth Mother Blog

Reasons to Consider Adoption in Missouri

Reasons to Consider Adoption in Missouri

When pregnant, whether it be planned or unplanned, the birth mother has three options when it comes to her baby: terminate the pregnancy, parent the child or create an adoption plan so she can find the right adoptive family to raise her baby.

Adoption Choices of Missouri knows the challenges birth mothers may feel when they are faced with the many paths and decisions laid out before them. We’re going to give some reasons to consider adoption in Missouri and, hopefully, share some helpful insight along the way.

  • You may Not Be Ready to Be a Parent

Children are a big responsibility, and the undertaking parents go through can take its toll on the unprepared. One of the first reasons to consider adoption as a pregnant woman is because you may feel it’s not the right time in your life to commit to raising a child. There may be future aspirations that you have set in motion that would have to be put on hold if you were to have a baby right now. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to compromise your own happiness and goals.

Your life, along with your wants and desires, matters too, and it is okay to say you do not want to put them on the backburner. 

  • You Don’t Want to Be a Mother Yet or At All

Especially in the cases of unplanned pregnancies, many birth mothers will realize they don’t want to be a mother, but do not wish to terminate their pregnancy. That choice is totally valid, and one that is to be admired. You do not see yourself as being a parent in the future, but you choose to carry your baby to full term, so that he or she can be raised by a loving adoptive family. Be it through closed adoption, semi-open adoption or open adoption, you gave your child the chance to have a healthy and happy upbringing. 

  • Your Life may Not Be Where You Want it Right Now

Everyday, we go through so many struggles and life can sometimes throw us a curveball that makes those struggles even more challenging. It can come in the form of financial insecurity, family dysfunction, or maybe even job disparities. There are so many factors and variables out there that can weigh in your situation and give some really important reasons to consider adoption as a pregnant woman.

You may be in the middle of an emotional storm or sitting in a proverbial valley right now, where having a baby would not help your situation at all. Not only would it not help you as the birth mother, but it would also be potentially harmful to raise your baby in your circumstances. Wanting to give your child to a caring adoptive family so he or she doesn’t have to go through the same tribulations as you is a selfless decision. One that comes from a place of love, not selfishness.

  • You may Just Want Your Life to Be “Normal” Again

A baby will put everything on pause, no matter what it is. Before and after birth, they are your number one priority and they will let you know that from the start. Being pregnant can really send things into a spiral that most birth mothers may find overwhelming to deal with in that moment. It’s especially hard when she is facing it alone, having them think of reasons to consider adoption as a pregnant woman.

You want to be back in your comfort zone, back to where you felt you had control over the things happening in your life. It is not selfish to want this. It is not cruel to want to gain that sense of security back in your life.

Why are You Considering Adoption in Missouri?

Adoption agencies in MO are great pillars to lean and get help from. In fact, at our adoption agency, Adoption Choices of Missouri, our main priority is always you and your baby. We understand how you may experience the pain of having your life being shifted away from your own routine you felt comfortable with. That is a natural thing to feel and one that could be tough to cope with when in the midst of it. That’s why we have specialized adoption counselors on staff who can give you a private, safe and nonjudgmental space for you to process your thoughts and feelings and offer unplanned pregnancy help, so that you decide what’s best for you and your baby.

For all things adoption, find us here and let’s get started on your adoption plan today.

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: My name is Alexander Charles Cooper, I come from a family of four that originates from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I, along with my younger brother Greyson were born in North Carolina, three years after my parents had wed and moved to the state. Alexander shares his birthday with Maya Angelou, which he takes great pride in.

Growing up, Alexander had the privilege of having both parents in his life and a stable upbringing in which he was surrounded by family and friends. He believes that much of his family foundation is built on faith which has given him a discipline and practice that has allowed him to discover and build his spiritual self. He is also interested in politics and worldly news that allows him to excel in American literature, philosophy/ethics, and higher learning.

From that, his passion in writing bloomed and he found his true calling: “I wished to create and write for a living and know it will be what makes me happiest. My only wish is for me to bring about positive change for others both near and far and leave a lasting legacy that contributes to the overall wellbeing and joy of others.”

Birth Mother Blog

4 Ways to Celebrate Black History Month with Your Birth Child

4 Ways to Celebrate Black History Month with Your Birth Child

Black History Month is an important holiday that celebrates African Americans’ importance and their influences in the world during February. As you go through your adoption process, your birth child may ask questions on why this is such an important holiday to celebrate. They may be curious about people who may look like them, or what this holiday means to them as an adoptee in a transracial family.

Transracial adoption is when a child from a different race is placed with adoptive parents from another race. Also known as interracial adoption, transracial adoption is becoming more common, and both birth and adoptive families are choosing open adoption as a way to let the child form a connection with their birth parents.

Teaching your black child about this holiday will help them feel more connected to others who look like them, and learn about the world, its differences, and its people. At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we have chosen the four ways you can celebrate Black History Month with your birth child.

1. Read Books about Diversity during Black History Month

Reading books about diversity and Black History Month is a meaningful way to teach your child about other races, ethnicities, and cultures around the world. To help them learn about people who may look different from them. Embracing diversity is vital for your child as he or she grows and forms relationships with various people throughout their life. Helping your child expand their worldview will help them be a more open-minded individual.

Through reading books about diversity, your child can enjoy fun traditions outside of their own culture, while learning to embrace others’ differences in a positive way.

2. Teach Your Child about Black History Month 

Black History Month is such an important day to celebrate with your birth child. As they grow older, they will have many experiences that may define them. Teaching him or her about Black History Month can be through any media platform, like music or TV shows, or going to special community events and doing kid-related activities, like helping your child draw their adoptive family and birth family.

Talking to your child about how people like them have helped the world by becoming doctors or teachers will help them know that they can do anything they put their minds to and learn to be proud of their origins.

3. Show Your Child Movies about Black History Month

Watching age-appropriate movies, like Walt Disney’s Princess and the Frog or Marvel’s The Black Panther, can help your child learn and appreciate other races, ethnicities, and cultures around the world. Additionally, if you and your child are of a different culture or your child is being raised by a transracial adoptive family, seeing characters who look like them on screen can help them understand where they come from and why it is important to celebrate people like them. It can also help them feel more comfortable with being who they are and embracing their identity as an African American adoptee.

The above-mentioned movies can also teach your child about the values of hard work, perseverance, and the importance of family.

4. Visit Black History Month Events during Black History Month

Visiting Black History Month events, like museum tours and parades, can be a great way to learn about Black History Month. Having your child try and eat African American food at a festival or during a community event is an excellent way for them to experience another culture.  By visiting a museum, your birth child can get to know all about the history of their birth family or their adoptive family. This can help them create a healthy and strong sense of identity.

Advice to Birth Mothers during Black History Month 

Being a birth mother and explaining to a child what these holidays mean embodies you as a mother and an African American woman. This holiday will teach your child about accepting others who may be of a different race or culture from them. The influence that comes from African American history and its culture will shape your birth child as they grow and help define them later on in their way with how they see the world.

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: Samara Wiley is a published author of poetry, essays, and an environmental children’s storybook called, Waiting for the Water Fairy. She graduated from Benedictine University in 2018 with a double Bachelor of Arts in English Literature and French.She has been published in three small poetry anthologies one was called Talented.

Her other writing accomplishments include: winning a high school poetry competition and $2500 for her high school, having two out of her five novels be considered for publication and writing movie critic reviews for her university’s newsletter.

Although she has Cerebral Palsy and has had a turbulent childhood, Samara puts these small specs of herself into her writing to personally connect with her audience. She prides herself on pushing the boundaries in her writing and in her personal life with everything she does. Samara writes with her heart and a voice of compassion, and loves to pull from her top passions in life.

She currently lives in Yorkville, Illinois with her mom and two sisters.

Birth Mother Blog

Positive Adoption Language Do’s and Don’ts

Positive Adoption Language Do’s and Don’ts

Just like most things in our world, language evolves over time. Phrases and terms that might have been acceptable when we were growing up may no longer be considered appropriate.

At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we view each birth mother’s adoption journey as unique and special. We want to make sure that we are using positive adoption language to reflect these positive journeys! If you’re not sure what language to use, that’s fine! We are here to answer any questions you may have.

Do Use the Terms Birth Parent or Birth Mother

If you are referring to the biological parent of an adoptee, feel free to use the terms birth parents or birth mother. These terms are free of underlying judgements or negative connotations. They simply describe the biological parent as they are—a birth parent.

Stay away from phrases like real parents. These kinds of phrases imply that adoptive parents are somehow less “real” or important than biological parents. Adoptive families’ love and support for their children is no less than that of a family who has not been through the adoption process. In love, as well as in legal-terms, an adoptive family’s child is equal to any child.

Do Use the Phrase Placed for Adoption

Using the phrase placed for adoption implies that an adoptive family was purposefully selected for an adopted child…which is true! Each birth mother’s adoption journey is a choice that she makes, and part of that journey is selecting an adoptive family to place her child with. There is so much intention and thought that goes into matching a child with his or her adoptive family.

A phrase that is still common to hear is giving up a baby for adoption. Do not use this term. “Giving up” something often implies that there is no other choice, or is otherwise associated with loss. Birth mothers choose to place their children for adoption based on any number of factors, all of which differ between cases.

Do Say Made an Adoption Plan

An adoption plan is a carefully thought-through plan that a birth mother comes up with alongside her adoption caseworker. This plan details many aspects of the adoption journey in order to eliminate any surprises and create safety and comfort for the birth mother. When describing the transition of a child into their adoptive family, feel free to use this phrasing.

Try to stay away from words like relinquished or phrases like gave up when referring to the transition of a child into their new adoptive family. Again, these phrases imply that a child is more similar to an object rather than a person. They also imply that the birth mother is doing something negative, as opposed to making the choice that is best for her and her baby.

Why Positive Adoption Language Matters

Why is it so important to use positive language when discussing adoption? The ways in which we speak about a topic reflect our own thoughts or innate beliefs about it. Because adoption is a positive event in so many people’s lives, we want to be intentional with the way we speak about it. Using negative phrases or words can convey to someone that you look down on them for being adopted or for choosing adoption. Making these small changes in the way we speak can create a more welcoming world!

If you are ever unsure if a phrase is a positive or negative one, just ask! There is nothing wrong with being unsure. Our staff at Adoption Choices of Missouri is happy to answer all your questions. There are also lots of resources online that can help, too! Remember, our goal is to be welcoming and inclusive of all different types of families. Being intentional with your word choices brings us one step closer towards this goal.

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: Molly Doyle is a native San Franciscan, Molly is an experienced educator and a dedicated writer. She holds her multiple subject teaching credential as well as her Masters of Arts in Teaching. When not teaching children or creating new written pieces, Molly can be found kicking around a soccer ball, going for urban hikes or whipping up a fruit pie.

She currently lives in Seattle, her first home outside of California.

Birth Mother Blog

Adoption and Grandparents in Missouri: 4 Helpful Tips

Adoption and Grandparents in Missouri: 4 Helpful Tips

Do you have a daughter who has made the choice to place her baby for adoption? If so, you might have some questions or concerns. It is completely natural to want the best for your daughter. The good news is that Adoption Choices of Missouri is here to help. Here are some useful tips on adoption and grandparents as you follow your daughter on her adoption journey.

Be Supportive in the Adoption Process 

Your daughter is going through an emotional journey. She has chosen to place her baby for adoption and with that comes a whole set of new experiences and feelings. One of the best things that you can do to help is to be as supportive as you can. If possible, offer to accompany or drive her to doctor’s appointments and check-ups. Listen to her if she needs to talk through anything. Practice being non-judgemental and open-minded. Remember, this is likely a new experience for everyone and you will all do a lot of learning along the way.

Educate Yourself about Adoption 

Education can often alleviate any fears we hold towards something new. There are so many resources available for you to learn more about the adoption process. Our staff at Adoption Choices of Missouri is happy to help answer any specific questions that you may have. Try checking our birth mother blog posts or website for information. You can also try googling adoption and you’ll find a multitude of informative websites and organizations.

Keep in mind that you are educating yourself to better understand what your daughter may be going through as a birth mother. It is important not to use your new information as a way to influence her choices or decisions. She is in control of her own adoption journey and while she may turn to you for advice, avoid offering unsolicited opinions or negative thoughts. Remember, she chose adoption because it was the right path for her and respecting her decision is very important.

Find Adoption Support Groups or Counseling for Yourself

If you find yourself worrying constantly about each step in your daughter’s adoption journey, it might be helpful to find counseling services. Speaking to a professional about your worries can help you work through your feelings. This is a big part of your daughter’s life, and therefore is also a big part of yours, and it is okay to experience a range of emotions. Taking care of yourself will help you be supportive and emotionally available for your daughter.

Counseling services may also be beneficial if you are struggling with feelings of grief or confusion post-adoption. Depending on the type of adoption your daughter chooses, you may or may not have a relationship with your grandchild as they grow up. Talking to someone about these emotions can be a helpful way to handle and understand them.

Make Plans as a Birth Grandparent

If your daughter has chosen an open adoption, you might have a relationship with your grandchild post-adoption. Communicate with your daughter around the type of involvement that you will be able to have in your grandchild’s life. From there, you can plan for any future communication or visits with your birth grandchild.

You might plan what you’d like to share with them in a letter or choose some special family photographs to send them. Maybe you’d like to receive pictures and updates of your grandchild as they grow up. There are many different ways that a post-adoption relationship might look for birth grandparents, but you must always honor the agreements that your daughter develops with her child’s adoptive family.

Adoption and Grandparents 

The important things to remember about adoption and grandparents are to be open, supportive and kind. Remember that it is okay to experience intense emotions as a birth grandparent. Take time to care for yourself, so that you are able to be a supportive part of your daughter’s adoption journey.

Throughout it all, keep in mind that at Adoption Choices of Missouri your daughter’s safety and comfort are our top priorities. We understand the unique and emotional nature of each birth mother’s adoption journey and we will make sure that your daughter is well supported.

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: Molly Doyle is a native San Franciscan, Molly is an experienced educator and a dedicated writer. She holds her multiple subject teaching credential as well as her Masters of Arts in Teaching. When not teaching children or creating new written pieces, Molly can be found kicking around a soccer ball, going for urban hikes or whipping up a fruit pie.

She currently lives in Seattle, her first home outside of California.

Birth Mother Blog

Are You Pregnant and Choosing Adoption? Here is Help for Birth Mothers in Missouri Making an Adoption Plan

Are You Pregnant and Choosing Adoption? Here is Help for Birth Mothers in Missouri Making an Adoption Plan

If you’re here reading this, then hopefully you’ve already reviewed and carefully considered your three main pregnancy options (parenting, abortion, and adoption) and you’ve chosen adoption. Congratulations on making this loving and selfless decision! This means you are officially ready to level up from being a pregnant woman to a birth mother.

But where do you go from here? What exactly does the adoption process entail? It is time for you to pick an adoption agency and begin working with your adoption specialist to make your adoption plan together. That is exactly why Adoption Choices of Missouri is here to help you every step of the way through the adoption process.

The 7 Main Ways We Provide Assistance and Help for Birth Mothers in Missouri Making an Adoption Plan:

  1. Initial Assessment. After you contact us, we will schedule a meeting with you as soon as possible to begin making your adoption plan. If you do not have transportation, your adoption caseworker will come to you. That is when we will begin our initial assessment so that we can get started on filing whatever paperwork is necessary to provide you with the types of financial assistance that may be available to you. Financial assistance includes, but is not limited to: safe housing, utilities, groceries, transport, medical assistance, and legal representation.
  2. Find a Doctor. After your paperwork is all done, we will then help you find a doctor within your provided coverage. It is important that you find a doctor you feel safe and comfortable with, since the two of you will have a long journey ahead together. After all, your doctor and his or her staff will be the ones performing all of your tests, ultrasounds, and delivering your baby. You should have a team of trusted professionals by your side.
  3. Review Adoptive Family Profiles. You will receive a list of prospective adoptive families to choose from who meet your criteria. You can choose what type of adoption you’d like, whether you want an open, closed, or semi-open adoption. This determines your level of involvement in your baby’s life post-placement as he or she grows up. Just because you choose adoption does not mean you have to miss out on knowing the person your baby grows up to be. Open adoption is currently the most popular type of adoption in the US, because it lets you stay in touch and maintain contact with the adoptive family and your baby. We strongly encourage open adoption because we believe it is the option that is the most beneficial and positive for everyone.
  4. Meet the Adoptive Family. If you would like, you can meet the adoptive family you have chosen. This is to help ensure that they meet all of your criteria and that you are confident in your decision. Now, congratulations on picking out your baby’s adoptive family! We are a full-service, licensed agency, so all of our adoptive families are pre-approved and qualified to adopt. This means that you will pick a great home for your baby no matter what. Whether you chose a single individual, a couple, a transracial family, or an LGBTQ+ family, your baby will be entering into a nurturing and loving home. We guarantee that your baby will be placed into a capable and suitable environment to provide him or her with the best opportunities in life.
  5. Follow-Up Appointments. Now that you got to meet the adoptive family you picked out, don’t forget to stay in touch with your adoption specialist throughout the rest of your pregnancy and adoption journey. It is also very important that you do not miss any of your doctor’s appointments leading up to your due date. If getting around is an issue, we will provide any necessary transportation to help you make sure that you do not miss any of these important dates.
  6. Your Due Date. Finally! The big day is here! By the time it is your due date, you and your adoption caseworker will have already worked out a birth plan together with your doctor and the adoptive family you’ve chosen. Usually this covers decisions like whether or not you want the adoptive family present for the birth or whether you want to hold the baby after. Please be aware that there may be certain hospital restrictions and guidelines in place regarding visitors and such due to COVID-19. Your adoption caseworker will be able to go over all of those guidelines and procedures with you in more detail when you make your birth plan together.
  7. Post-Placement. After you are all done with your labor and delivery, it is time for you to get used to your new life after adoption. Your baby will be placed with his or her adoptive family, but that does not mean you have to deal with adjusting to your new post-placement life alone. We offer support counseling to help you while you deal with any grief or loneliness you may experience post-placement. We understand that this is a long and emotional journey, and it does not simply end once you have given birth. That is why we offer emotional and support counseling to help you navigate any grief you may experience during this time of emotional turmoil.

Don’t Wait to Ask for Help for Birth Mothers in Missouri Making an Adoption Plan

The longer you wait, the longer before we can get to work helping you. Birth mothers are our highest priority, and you should be treated as such. We are here and happy to help with any financial and medical assistance you may need. But not having to stress about the bills is only one aspect of the services we provide. That is exactly why Adoption Choices of Missouri is here for you: to not only help guide you through the entire adoption process and coordinate your adoption plan, but to also go the extra mile to provide emotional and support counseling afterwards.

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: Kelly Felix is a graduate from the University of New Orleans. She holds a BA in English as well as a BA in Sociology. Her English concentration is in journalism, and her specialties in sociology are gender studies and environmental sociology.

When she isn’t voraciously guzzling coffee or devouring books, Kelly can be found either bent over a canvas working on her art or at her computer playing video games. She has hands-on classroom teaching experience from her time working as a substitute teacher for Kelly Services. Kelly also completed an in-house editorial internship at Pelican Publishing Company, and she finished the goal internship program at Green Light New Orleans. Kelly generally exists in a state of suspended disbelief, but when she’s not there she resides in New Orleans.

Posts navigation