Addressing Fears About Open Adoption

By Lily Spertus

If you are a pregnant woman considering adoption for your baby, you may be curious about open adoption. Open adoption is an increasingly popular choice for birth mothers considering adoption in Missouri. In an open adoption, birth mothers and adoptive parents create a relationship with one another and maintain ongoing communication. Within open adoption, levels of contact and involvement of the birth mother with the adoptive family can vary. As with all forms of adoption, the decision to have an open adoption is difficult. It is important to understand that birth mothers considering an open adoption might have fears or concerns. Adoption agencies in Missouri can support you through this decision and your adoption journey. In this article, we will address some common fears around open adoption in Missouri. 

“My child will hate me and won’t want to meet me.”

It is understandable to worry about how your child will feel about you in an open adoption. However, it is important to note that having an open adoption can help create a healthy, supportive relationship between you as a birth mother and your child. As your child gets older, they will be able to understand your love and sacrifice that enabled them to grow up in a stable environment. Communication between you and your child after open adoption also adds to their sense of identity and means that you can be there to answer questions they might have. Lastly, if your baby begins their life with their adoptive parents and birth parents maintaining a relationship, this will be the only family dynamic they know. If you are involved from the beginning, it is unlikely they will feel hatred towards you.

“My role in my child’s life will be replaced by their adoptive parents.”

In an open adoption, you will play an irreplaceable role in your child’s life as their birth mother—no one can replace that. Adoptive parents can provide a loving and supportive home for your child to thrive in. Despite this, only you can give your child the unique sense of identity that comes with being close to one’s origins. Adoptive parents agreeing to an open adoption will understand the value your perspective brings to the development of the child, and they will involve you as much as you would like. Open adoption is essentially a collaboration—birth mothers and adoptive parents will work together to best meet their child’s needs. 

“I will not have a say in the life of my child.”

Open adoption is a great option if you are looking to maintain some level of involvement with your child. During the adoption process in Missouri, you and the adoptive parents will work to create an agreed-upon plan that establishes your involvement in your child’s life. This could include having input on some decisions regarding your child’s upbringing. Additionally, if you are giving a child up for adoption, you will work with adoption agencies to select adoptive parents that match your values. The level of involvement you have with your child post-adoption will be tailored to your unique circumstances and comfort levels. You deserve to feel respected during the adoption process and within your child’s adoptive family. 

“I will feel constant guilt and regret if I maintain involvement with my child.”

Adoption is a hard decision for anyone, and it is natural for you to feel a wide array of emotions. For some, open adoption can actually help make you feel more comfortable and even lessen feelings of guilt or regret. Keeping in contact with your child means that you will get to see them thrive as they grow up. You will see their happiness and their support in their adoptive family and feel as though you can be a positive influence in their life. This can give you peace of mind and satisfaction with your choice of adoption. By choosing open adoption, you should be proud of your selflessness and investment in your child’s future. 

“I won’t be able to move forward and find a path to healing.”

Choosing adoption is deeply personal. It is completely understandable that post-adoption, you will want to move forward with your own life and heal. Open adoption can allow for a sense of closure as you will be able to see how your child flourishes in their healthy environment. Adoption Choices of Missouri can help you on your journey to healing during and after the adoption by providing counseling or helping you find a support group. You deserve to feel good about your decision and achieve your own personal goals in life. Open adoption can be a stepping stone in finding your way.