4 Tips to Help Birth Mothers Select her Child’s Adoptive Parents in Missouri
Selecting adoptive parents for your child can seem a daunting task, and it’s okay to feel terrified or cautious about this part of your adoption journey. Feeling overwhelmed is natural too. After all, you want what’s best for your child because you love them. You want him or her to be placed in a good home with a loving familyHowever, that doesn’t mean the decision-making process is going to be easy. There is a lot involved, and you may have many questions or concerns about it.
Don’t worry. Your adoption caseworker will be with you every step at the way. Any preferences or requests you have to help you select your child’s adoptive parents, let them know and they will do their best to find the right fit for you and your child. Be mindful that no adoptive family will be “perfect,” but it’s possible to find a couple or individual who will love, cherish and support your child with all their heart.
- Be Specific about What You’re Looking for
When selecting your child’s adoptive parents, you may have a lot of things you’re looking for. It helps to have these all written out when you are speaking to your adoption caseworker, so then you can effectively narrow down the options to what is most important to you. For instance, if you were raised in a religious home, and you’d like the same for your child, let your caseworker now. Or, if you prefer that he or she weren’t in a religious home, make a note of that too. Be as clear as you can from the beginning. It is important to find an adoptive family who lives the kind of life you want for your child.
Another thing to specify is whether or not you want your child to grow up around other siblings, or be an only child. This in itself can make a world of difference. If you grew up as an only child and longed for other siblings, then it would be only natural for you to want something different for your own child. Similarly, with other aspects of family life. Do you want your child’s adoptive family to have a cat or dog? Do you want them to live in a big city or small town? There are many areas to consider.
- Get to Know the Adoptive Parents
An important piece of finding the best adoptive family is figuring out whether or not you want to have contact with them or your child after the adoption has been finalized. There are three different levels of openness to choose from — open, semi-open and closed. Each option has its own benefits and drawbacks, which are essential to discuss and think about.
Our agency encourages open adoptions, because we feel this type of adoption is in the best interest of everyone in the adoption triad. However, we understand that each and every birth mother has her own motivations behind placing her baby for adoption, and that she may choose a particular type for a specific reason. If you wish to get to know your child’s adoptive parents, look into the open and semi-open adoption agreements and see which one fits you the best. Getting to know your child’s adoptive parents can help ease your anxiety, give you much needed comfort and ensure that your adoption journey runs more smoothly overall.
- Distance is Something to be Considered
If your child’s adoptive parents live in a different state, and you are thinking about an open adoption, discuss how future visits would go and what they would look like. Living within driving distance is always preferred when getting to know your child and their adoptive parents, and helps with building a strong and solid relationship, but can’t always happen. As the adoptive parents what other options they would be comfortable with — phone, email, text or through virtual programs such as ZOOM or FaceTime. Talk about how many times a week/month/year you can be in contact.
Having open communication, asking questions and addressing concerns early on is key in establishing mutual respect and trust with each other.
- It takes Time to Find the Right Adoptive Parents
There is no need to rush through your decision-making process. It takes time to get to know the right adoptive parents to raise your child. Your caseworker will provide you with profile photo books of potential adoptive parents, so you can narrow down who you’d like to meet later on. If this takes you a little while, that’s ok. There is no pressure. Choosing your child’s adoptive parents isn’t something that can be taken lightly.
When you are ready to meet your potential choice, be sure to write down a list of questions and talk with your adoption caseworker about what questions would and wouldn’t be best to ask. We want you to feel comfortable, secure and confident in your choice.
Choosing Who will Raise Your Child
In the end, it might be hard to find nativigate, but Adoption Choices of Missouri is here to help you find the right way to select your child’s adoptive parents. There is a lot to consider in making decisions and seeing if this is something that you really want to do. It will take you some time to think about what you want for your child, but in the end, it will be worth it.
Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800
Meet the Author: Sofia Becker is currently a student at Liberty University and is majoring in a Bachelor of Science in History with a double minor in Biblical Studies and writing. She is currently working on a Robin Hood retelling and an entire epic fantasy world in the making. In her spare time, she loves watching The Office and Disney movies.
Through her blogs, and her passion for helping and encouraging others, she hopes to make a difference in someone’s life. She also looks forward to becoming a better writer and editor. To learn more about Sofia, be sure to check out her blog and Instagram.
