Birth Father Blog

Types of Birth Fathers – Known vs. Unknown

June 24, 2020 No Comments

Types of Birth Fathers – Known vs. Unknown

By Melissa Benedek

There may be many things that come to mind when you think of a birth father. You might think of a birth father as the father of a child who he is not aware of or present in the child’s life. You might think of a birth father as someone who is not married to a birth mother. There are many assumptions one can make, whether correct or incorrect, about who a birth father is. Yet, many beliefs are founded upon stereotypes that are negative and portray all birth fathers as absent, careless and lazy. 

There is not much accurate information available about birth fathers in general. However, Adoption Choices of Missouri believes it is important to recognize that birth fathers are as important as birth mothers in the adoption process. A birth father, whether he is known or unknown, is a part of the child’s life and the reason he or she exists. He may be in a relationship with, married to or divorced from the birth mother. Knowing the role of each birth parent is essential to understanding adoption and how it affects everyone involved. 

To clarify, let’s discuss the two different types of birth fathers — known vs. unknown — and what each entails. 

Who is a Birth Father? 

To begin, let’s first establish who a birth father is. A birth father is the father of a child who is adopted or is in the process of becoming an adoptee. A birth father’s relationship with his child varies depending on his position in the adoption journey. Some birth fathers may or may not have parental rights and some may or may not be in a relationship with the child’s birth mother. What remains constant is that a birth father helped bring life into this world, and will forever be a part of his child. Every birth father is unique as is his child.

Types of Birth Fathers

A Known Birth Father

When a birth father is known, he may be in favor of adoption, have a neutral opinion or be against it. If a known birth father does not want to be involved in the adoption process, he will need to sign away his parental rights so the adoption can move forward and be legally finalized. 

On the other hand, if a known birth father wants to be a part of the adoption process and is in favor of adoption, he and the birth mother can meet with an adoption agency to create an adoption plan. Even if the birth father chooses to be involved in the adoption process, the birth mother still has ultimate say on what this looks like. This largely depends on what kind of relationship the birth parents share. For instance, a birth mother is more apt to allow the birth father to help support her if they have a strong and healthy relationship. However, if they are recently split or haven’t been on speaking terms for a long time, she might not feel comfortable with him being there. Whatever the case, the birth father must be prepared to respect the birth mother and support however she chooses to place her child for adoption.

Showing support and committing to the adoption plan with the birth mother shows that the birth father wants to give his child a better life. Adoption is a very emotional decision and not one that can be taken lightly. Adoption Choices of Missouri is dedicated to helping birth parents through the initial adoption,  transition and beyond. Counseling services are available to both the birth mother and father at no cost to either of them.

An Unknown Birth Father

An unknown birth father is someone who is either not around or not known by the birth mother. In other words, she doesn’t know anything about him. He could be anyone from a one-stand to a man who sexually assaulted her. Unknown birth fathers are, unfortunately, very common within the adoption industry. But don’t worry. This doesn’t mean that your adoption process will be halted. You are still able to place your baby for adoption and search for prospective adoptive parents. 

In cases like this, our agency does our due diligence to locate him with any and all information the birth mother is able to provide. If the birth father does not appear within the allotted time, the adoption process is allowed to continue and become finalized without his signature.

Birth Fathers and Adoption

If you are thinking about adoption or have already begun your adoption journey, Adoption Choices of Missouri can help you determine if your child’s birth father is known or unknown, and can provide guidance as to what steps to take. Remember that you are making a crucial decision that can be life-changing for your child, and that we are here to support you every step of the way. Depending on your situation with your child’s birth father, his presence or absence will not impact your adoption journey, so long as you and your baby are safe and healthy. 

If you have any questions or concerns regarding your specific circumstances, don’t hesitate to reach out to our adoption caseworkers. We are more than happy to put your mind at ease, and will ensure that you have the most empowering and positive adoption journey possible — both with and without your child’s birth father.

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at 1-816-527-9800

Meet the Author: Melissa Benedek is currently a junior at Bard College in Annandale-on-Hudson, New York. She is a Literature major with interest in American regional writing. One of her on-campus jobs focuses on organizing volunteer opportunities with local partnerships for students. She is also a founding editor of Sonnet Literary Magazine based out of her college campus.

When not focused on academics, Melissa enjoys traveling into New York City to support independent bookstores and buy the best cookies at Levain Bakery.

 

 

Adoptive Family Birth Mother Blog

Choosing an Adoptive Family for Your Baby

June 1, 2020 No Comments

A fulfilling part of the adoption process is choosing the adoptive family for your baby. Adoption Choices of Missouri only works with families who are licensed to adopt a baby in the United States. Our adopting families have all been pre-screened and are ready to provide a safe, stable, and loving home. No matter what you are looking for, we believe there is a family out there that is a perfect fit for you and your baby.

To decide which adoptive family is the best fit, consider these questions:

  • Are you open to a single parent, or do you prefer a two-parent household?
  • Are you open to a gay, lesbian, and/or transgender couple?
  • Do you prefer a family in a specific location?
  • What kind of family values and views on parenting are you looking for in a family?
  • Is the family’s religion or spiritual beliefs important to you?
  • Do you prefer a family that already has children or plans to have/adopt more?
  • Is it important to you that the family have a large extended family they are close with?
  • What hobbies and interests do you want the family to have?
  • Does it matter to you whether one or both parents work outside the home?

We can help with these decisions and help you find your adoptive family! Contact Adoption Choices of Missouri  for more information Serving Expectant Parents Statewide (in Missouri and Kansas) Expectant Parent Hotline (24/7): 1-877-903-4488

Adoptive Family Birth Mother

Signs You’ll Make a Great Mother

June 1, 2020 No Comments

Whether you’ve been thinking about starting a family for a while or have just begun to ponder the possibility, you may be asking yourself: do you have what it takes to be a great mother? To answer this, let’s explore what it means to be a mother. Some women know intuitively, but there are others who want to learn more about motherhood. For instance, those who are about  to become moms.

It is important to remember that no one is perfect, including mothers. It can be a challenge to set unrealistic expectations that you think need to be met to be a great mom.But keep in mind, you’re human, and all you can do is try your best. Don’t compare yourself to others and try not to feed into pressures about what a great mother “should” or “should not” be. You might be a lot more prepared to be a mother than you believe, and once on your motherhood journey, you’ll learn and grow with your child. The bottom line is: don’t let doubts stand in the way of becoming the best mom you want to be.

If you are Hoping to Adopt and you want more information, call us at 1-877-903-4488. In the meantime, here are some signs you’ll make a great mother:

You love and accept yourself. Before embarking on your motherhood journey, it’s important to know your worth and confidence. You accept and embrace your flaws that don’t define you but make you unique. You realize that even though life throws many ups and downs, you have an inner optimism that won’t waver. Loving and accepting yourself will help you love your child unconditionally and teach them to be confident. Practicing self-care is another essential part that benefits self-acceptance. Try not to put your well-being on the back burner, whether it be your body or mind. Setting the time to take care of yourself will help you nurture your child and be present in the joys of motherhood.

You are patient. You know how to listen and understand the importance of hearing what others have to say before jumping to conclusions or making decisions. Having self-control in your work and personal life demonstrates to yourself that you are self-aware. Self-awareness helps you not to become easily overwhelmed by small things, which is a part of motherhood. Children make mistakes and accidents happen. Everyone makes mistakes, and knowing how to handle them will positively shape you being a mother. Practicing measures of patience shows your strong level of responsibility and mindfulness. Instead of immediately wanting to take the route of reprimanding, you know how to take the time to assess situations calmly before explaining your perspective and the proper steps to take. Demonstrating patience in your life will help to instill that value in your child as they grow.

You are devoted. Being committed to your work, your relationships and your hobbies show that you do things to the fullest. As a dedicated individual, you also make realistic choices and goals that are feasible and not impossible to achieve. You know that becoming a mother will push you to practice this virtue of being devoted even more, where you’ll help your child grow and learn in a safe, loving environment. You also know that it is essential to balance such devotion between your child as a mother, yourself as a partner and yourself as a friend. It is healthy to maintain equal amounts of time in all your roles as a person and remember that you, too, are entitled to a reciprocated commitment from your partner, your family, and friends who care about you.

You know how to ask for help. Sometimes life can get hectic, and not everything goes as planned. Maybe your job promotion fell through, or your travel plans got canceled last minute. Regardless of the reason, it can be easy to get overwhelmed, especially about things that are out of your control. It is important not to overbook yourself and to remember that you’re not superhuman. Once on your motherhood journey, you know that there will be exhausting times, but that you can comfortably reach out to your partner, family and friends for an extra hand for little and big things. Communicating for help is an additional value that can be instilled in your child as they see their mother practice such an action.

You know how to place boundaries. Whether it’s in the workplace or at home, you take charge of your responsibilities. You’re able to say “yes” or “no” when dealing with matters without being indecisive. As you grow as a mother, you can use your skills from experience to set boundaries for your child, which will teach them to follow the rules and the values that your family exercises.

Signs You’ll Make a Great Mother

These are just some signs you’ll make a great mother. The list could go on. If you’re thinking about starting your motherhood journey, remember that every person is different, and it is okay if you don’t believe you have all of these personal characteristics mentioned. You likely have the traits to be a great mother! It is also okay to be a little anxious about becoming a mother, and that is natural. That shows that you’re seriously thinking about what it means to have and raise a child. Your life will change in surprising ways as a mother, and with a strong support network by your side, you’ll be able to face the challenges along the way and embrace the journey.

If you are Hoping to Adopt and you want more information, call us at 1-877-903-4488.

Birth Father Birth Mother Blog

What Expectant Parents Need to Know about the Adoption Process

June 1, 2020 No Comments

If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and considering adoption, the ins and outs of the adoption process can be overwhelming. As an expectant mother, you are likely filled with many questions as you begin to navigate your potential journey toward adoption. While the adoption process can be overwhelming, there are numerous adoption resources available for you. The circumstances surrounding adoption vary widely, so it is important to really consider whether adoption is the right choice for you and your family. Despite whether or not your pregnancy was planned, you are here researching adoption, and making an informed decision is to be commended.

Within the adoption process, the hard things can become easier with the right understanding and mindset. As an expectant mother, you hold the key to the adoption process. The adoption triad, as it is often called, refers to you the expectant parent, the adoptive parent(s), and the child. Within that triad is a great deal of emotional complexities. However, if you travel through your adoption journey with the lens of what is best for your child, you will remain successful in your decision-making process concerning your child. Adoption Choices of Missouri seek to organize the adoption process into a meaningful overview, which will hopefully help you. While not every detail of the adoption process will be discussed here, the overall points of the adoption process will be.

What Is Adoption?

Adoption is a “legal process in which parental rights to a child (whose biological parents’ parental rights have been severed) are bestowed on adopting parents, creating a parent–child relationship where one did not previously exist. The adopted child has all the same legal rights and responsibilities as a biological child, including rights of inheritance.”

While the term “relinquish” may seem harsh, it is important to understand that as an expectant parent, you are the centerpiece of the adoption triad, and nothing happens without your continual consent and initiation. In order to be able to decide if adoption is the right decision for you and the circumstances surrounding your pregnancy, you first have to truly understand what adoption means. To further your knowledge of adoption, let us also explain that it is a matching process. As the expectant parent, you will be given a say in which prospective adoptive parents you would like your child to be placed with. So, while the legal jargon will exist, you will have your personal touch on the parent-matching process.

What Do You Want in Adoptive Parents?

You will need to decide what type of family you want for your child. This will include everything from their occupations, their family structure, what they do in their spare time, and everything in between. Think of this as the “best-case scenario” for your child. Do you want your child to be in a culturally diverse family or part of a certain religion? Remember that there will be a matching of sorts taking place with the prospective adoptive parents, so you will need to be sure of what you are looking for in a family.

In adoption, the process of selecting an adoptive family for your child is often called the “matching process.” This process typically involves you reviewing several profile books of adoptive families that meet your predetermined criteria. For example, if you have expressed that you want a culturally diverse family, Adoption Choices of Missouri will only show you the profile books of the families that met that specific criterion. Meeting adoptive parents in person can be an option based on your request. While the matching process can be intimidating, and perhaps uncomfortable, the purpose is to serve as a time for you to get some insight into prospective adoptive parents. No family will be absolutely perfect, so you will need to keep “what is best for my child” at the forefront of your mind.

What Type of Adoption Do I Want?

As you learn more about the adoption process, you will find that there are different types of adoptions available to you. These include open, closed, and semi-open adoptions. Kinship adoptions also exist, but these are adoptions that occur within biological families. For example, an aunt and uncle legally adopt their biological niece. Open adoption means that the relationship between the biological family and adoptive family is open, which would likely mean in-person visits.

The types of adoptions can vary and change over time, but, in general, an open adoption involves both parties being as open as possible. Some examples of open adoption may include the biological family attending the birthday party of the child or maintaining social media contact including video chats and similar media outlets. A closed adoption means that there is no ongoing contact between either party. Lastly, a semi-open adoption means that there is contact between both parties periodically. This contact does not likely include in-person visits but instead may include letters and pictures throughout each year. You will be able to decide what level of openness, if any at all, you’d like in the adoption plan you create for your child.

Adoption Is Right for Me, Now What?

Now that you have decided that placing your child for adoption is right for you and your family, you will begin to work closely with Adoption Choices of Missouri . We will begin to guide you through each step. Some of these steps will include paperwork and other legal discussions that can potentially be overwhelming, but it is our goal to keep your well-being as our top priority. During this time, you will ideally be provided with services like preplacement counseling to begin to help you understand and process what placing a child for adoption will look and feel like.

During your adoption journey, it is critically important that you get all of the counseling that you need. Such services can continue and should continue after placement. Your adoption professional will partner closely with you through the initial stages and into the matching stage with an adoptive family, placement, and finalization. Each of these stages of the adoption process brings its own challenges. As the expectant parent, you need to continue to communicate openly and honestly.

Adoption: From Start to Finish

Hopefully, at this point, you have a general overview of the adoption process. While this article does not discuss the process in complete detail, it does provide a general understanding. As an expectant mother, you will quickly discover that within the your journey you will have to muster up every ounce of strength, courage, and selflessness that you can. No part of the process is easy. The emotional challenges are monumental. And unfortunately, the decisions that must be made in all of their difficulties hardly wait for your emotions to catch up.

The adoption process should not be portrayed as an easy thing because it is far from easy. This is not meant to scare you as an expectant parent, but it is meant to keep you knowledgeable of the process ahead. With all that being said, however, there are resources across our country that make the adoption process manageable and a blessing for all involved. As with anything else, there can be less than desirable aspects to adoption, especially when you partner with agencies or other entities that function in unethical ways or those entities that approach adoption as a business. Adoption is a sacred and tender process, and it should be treated as such, especially when it comes to you: the expectant woman.

As a reminder, as you begin the adoption process, remember what is most important to you in terms of your child. Search your heart in light of your circumstances. Then, seek trusted counsel as you strive to make the most informed decision as possible regarding your pregnancy. Make an intentional effort to remember that if you do choose adoption and you walk through the adoption process from beginning to end, that you will need post-placement care. It will be easy to have the mindset of, “It’s done, so now I can move on.” However, that outlook can potentially lead to emotional trauma for you down the road. To avoid that and to maintain an emotionally healthy life after placement, you will need to be disciplined in your post-placement care. You may find yourself having to advocate for yourself as you obtain counseling.

Regardless of whether or not you actually complete the adoption process, your wisdom in evaluating all of your options as an expectant parent is to be complimented. Your desire to do what is best for you and your family speaks volumes to the love you are already showing for your child. Parenting comes in many different forms, and adoption is just one of those forms. If adoption ends up being part of your story, please know there are strong and thriving adoption communities that will not only love you through it, but will also support you as an expectant parent.

Contact Adoption Choices of Missouri  for more information
Serving Expectant Parents Statewide (in Missouri and Kansas) Expectant Parent Hotline (24/7): 1-877-903-4488

Birth Mother Blog

Our Services for your Adoption Plan

June 1, 2020 No Comments

We are operating full service during this time and will not be shutting down operations. Please let us know how we can help.

Financial Support for Adoption

An unplanned pregnancy can be a strain on you both physically and financially. If you are considering adoption, as an expectant mother, Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri can assist you with financial support and proper nutrition, including Food Stamps, WIC, and ongoing grocery expenses.

We are a local child adoption agency that provides one on one support to each of our birth mothers. We have offices in Wichita and Kansas City and case workers located throughout the state ready to help you. We provide the highest level of birth mother support. Read more about out financial support.

Safe Housing for Adoption

Not having adequate housing or a safe place to sleep can lead to unnecessary stress and discomfort during your unplanned pregnancy.

Providing birth mother support, Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri can help you find and afford proper housing so you can rest easy.

Medical Care for Adoption

As an expectant mother, access to prenatal care should be one of your biggest concerns, especially with an unplanned pregnancy, and we are here to help.

Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri can help you apply for Medicaid and receive appropriate medical care throughout your pregnancy.

Support Counseling for Adoption

Putting your child up for adoption will not be an easy choice. We are here for you.

We are a local child adoption agency that cares. A compassionate birth parent counselor from Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri will be by your side to provide you with comfort and emotional support. Meet our team!

Our involvement doesn’t end there, we are with you through the birth and post-placement for all of your emotional needs.

Birth Mother Application for Adoption

If you are considering adoption and ready to work with a local birth parent counselor at Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri, contact us at 1-877-903-4488  for birth mother support.